cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHO LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AGAIN?)
[Well, it's that time of year again, the time where anything and everything goes absolutely crazy and nothing makes sense.

So Cobra's got his island on full alert because this is probably the most likely time for something chaotic and ridiculous to happen. He's already told his NPC goons to be on their guard and to get ready to repel any invaders, but who knows how well that'll work since it's fourth wall and they'll get warped in and out or their Pokemon will suddenly be Magikarps with only Splash or something else will happen.

Cobra himself is going to barricade himself inside the house he uses as a command center which is a terrible idea because once again this is fourth wall and someone could just warp or glitch in there or Godzilla could show up and step on it, and...

And basically, there's no way this isn't a ridiculous disaster in the making, and it's probably for the best that fourth wall damage doesn't stick around long term.

Because odds are, there's going to be a lot of that.]

{OOC: Please feel free to attack and make a mess of his island. I'll be more than happy to throw Cobra and other things your way in return.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Today's going to be one of those rare days where Cobra Commander makes a video broadcast and isn't complaining about anything or threatening to blow up something or any of that. Because none of that is important right now. What is important though is the subject of today's address, which he'll get to soon enough.]

Five years. In a few days it will be five years ssssince I've arrived in this world. I'm ssssure some of you can't even begin to imagine being here for that long. And yesss, I know, some idiot just went on about this subject a while ago, but what I have to sssay is far more important.

[Because he apparently can't be nice about anything even if he's not threatening you all.]

Anyway, five years ago, I would have assumed that by now, thisss world would have fallen under my control. Within a year, two maybe. I certainly couldn't have envissioned that almost five years would pass before I'd conquered sssso much as a mere island. Which isn't to ssssay that I'd be disappointed with myssself, merely that five years ago I couldn't have even begun to anticipate the ridiculoussss going ons that have occurred over the last five years.

[Legendaries, Team Rocket stuff, Kanto just sort of...appearing, fourth walls, and all sorts of other crazy things.]

And I can only assume that the next five years will be full of ssssome sssort of equally unimaginable chaos.

[Like...he doesn't know. Maybe it'll rain Magikarps for a month or something. Or everyone will get warped into the Ice Path. ...or maybe there'll be a gun Pokemon since there's sword Pokemon now. Who knows? The point is that he can't even begin to guess what sort of crazy Pokemon shenanigans could happen.]

However, I can guarantee one thing. Yessss, one thing is absolutely certain! And that is that it will not take me another five years to finish conquering the globe! I guarantee that within the next five years, the entire Pokemon world will belong to me! To Cobra Commander!

[...and that's apparently how he commemorates being here that long. By reaffirming his intent to rule the world and by cackling like a lunatic until he ends the transmission.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (AND THEN I TOOK OVER ENGLAND)
[Oh hey everyone. Today's video displays a Pokemon Center with some weird nasty purple fog pooling around the floor. And Cobra standing in front of the counter, acting like he owns the place. Which he apparently now does. But he'll get to that in a minute.]

When we last sssspoke, I promised that everything I ssssaid last time still applied. And for thossse of you incapable of remembering, that included a vow to take the world. Sssince then, one idiot has chosen to try and sssteal my thunder, but I don't care.

[Which is why he was bugging Blake about. Because that's totally how you show you don't care, right?]

And the reason I don't care is because I have done far more than ssstand on a soap box and proclaim myself leader. I have done far more than anyone here has every done! Because you sssee, as of thisss moment, this Pokemon Center, and the island it is built on, belongs to me.

[He'll let that sink in for a moment.]

And I know sssssome of you no doubt will choose to believe otherwise. Your missstake. And ssssome of you may believe and choose to try and take what is now mine. That will also be your missstake.

[Because he's already come close to sinking one ferry earlier today, he won't hesitate to try again.]

To those of you with ssssome sense, I would hope that you can sssee the opportunity created today. For thisss is the first ssstep and the firssst part of what will grow to become a gloriousssss Cobra Empire!

[And he's going to start laughing before cutting the feed.

{OOC: So here's the actual takeover post that goes with the information posted here!]

101 | Video

Mar. 1st, 2015 07:50 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (BEING SSSSSNEAKY)
[Today we have Cobra Commander on the Gear, looking well, about the same as always. It's hard to figure out where he is, but judging from the bgm and the metal walls, a ship is probably a good guess? But which ferry? Or cruiseliner? That's the question.]

I've decided that after my unfortunate...outburssst last month, that a change of sssscenery was overdue.

[That's not really an apology for screaming at everyone in private and public, but it's certainly something at least?]

And it has done wonders for providing me with a new outlook on life.

[Though...what that means isn't exactly a conversation for today.]

However, everything I sssssaid last time still applies. Everything.

[In other words, he's still furious.]

And ssssome of it will apply ssssooner than you think.

[Having been as cryptic as possible, he kills the feed there. He'll answer any responses of course, but as to what he's talking about, he'll keep that under his hood for now.]

{OOC: Curious as to what this is about? Head over here for more info!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SHOULD BE BEHEADED FOR SSSSTUPIDITY)
[After an incredibly long absence, for Cobra anyway, Cobra Commander's made his return to the Pokegear. And he's in one of those weird nondescript rooms the Goldenrod Rocket base is apparently full of.

And there'd be some nostalgia over the fact that he hasn't broadcasted from here in quite some time, but he's too busy being mad.]


I sssspent months of planning, months of making sure everything was perfect! Only to fall victim to not just the handiwork of a couple of do-gooders, but of a ssssaboteur! But make no misstake, I am in no means deterred from continuing to do whatever I can to try and make thissss world mine! No prison, no act of ssssabotage, no ssself appointed heroes, nothing will ssstop me! Nothing!

[He's basically angrily shaking his fists at the camera. Wow.]

In fact, I will not ssstop until the world is mine, or the day I depart from thissss world! So if I were all of you, I would hope the latter happens sssssoon enough!

[And that's the end of his public tirade. Now if you're a Rocket, there'll be a message for you guys as well.]
Private Rocket Video )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Yep, it's Cobra again. But wait, don't touch that dial because today is actually the day he does stuff! Which might become obvious because when the video starts he seems to be...in the air, standing on some sort of metal thing. So yep, stuff's happening today.

Now, in theory, he should probably be preoccupied with the Rocket text that went out a couple days ago, but he's not postponing his plans just because the admins decided they want them all to do things. He's Cobra Commander, and he does things on his schedule, not anyone else's.

Unless of course they force him to stick to their schedule, but that's not the point today!]


I thought that this time...thissss time, you all might have actually understood what I was up to and had the ssssense to meet my demands. Obvioussssly, I was wrong.

[Wow, Cobra actually admitted he was wrong.]

So sssince no one seems to understand what a game changer my device is, allow me to provide the final demonstration of Project M.E.T.A.L.'s power!

[Cobra steps towards the edge of the platform and...that sure is the Cherrygrove Spa down there. Yup.]

Lock On!

[There's no visible effect or anything, but the Magnezones under the platform have locked on to their target.]

Fire!

[And suddenly six Zap Cannons rain down, all hitting the target and pretty much wrecking that poor spa. Nobody's getting any treatments there any time soon, that's for sure.]

I trust that you now underssstand the power I possess!

[He'll just back away from the edge now.]

But it's an underssstanding that has come far too late! Because you've failed to meet my demands, the ressst of Cherrygrove City can expect the sssame fate!

[From somewhere behind Cobra, there's a weird detaching noise followed by the sound of something falling and then um...impacting the ruins of the spa.]

What?!

[He'll just disconnect the feed there. No sense in showing the whole world what went wrong and ruining any villain cred he's just gained.]

{OOC: The log for the people wrecking the machine is here! Have fun guys!

And responses to this might be slow over the next couple of days due to my laptop needing repairs, but I'll try be around as much as I can!

And yes, the damage to the spa was approved by Alex and Sunny!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (AND NOW FOR A LISSSST OF DEMANDS)
[Not much to see here. It's Cobra Commander again, but this time via text]

You have one week to meet the following demands:

At least P1,000,000 delivered to the following address:


[And an address follows. It's a P.O. Box in Blackthorn City, so there's nothing really exciting there if anyone goes to look.]

Ownership of any one city in either region.

100 Shiny Pokemon.


[He doesn't even want the Pokemon, but he knows that in a Pokemon centric world, that's a pretty huge demand to make.]

You have one week or Cherrygrove City will experience destruction on a level not yet seen in this world. Ignore this at your own peril.

{OOC: Still taking signups to shoot Cobra down for the next 24 hours or so!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[There's a bit of a change from his last few broadcasts since Cobra Commander's not out blowing stuff up again today. No, he's just sitting in one of those miscellaneous office rooms he tends to broadcast from when he's not out causing problems for everyone.

Of course that doesn't mean he's can't cause problems from here because well, that's his intention for today.]


For the past few months, I have been tesssting a project that I have sworn is unlike anything else that has been developed in thissss world before! And some of you have chosen to make a mockery of my geniusssss. Those of you who have done ssso have chosen poorly.

[Because today's finally the day he's going to attack right?]

Because two weeks from today, there will be no more demonstrations. Two weeks from today, I will use my invention to attack a target of my choosing! And you will all be completely incapable of doing anything about it!

[...oh, apparently he's going to drag this out a bit longer.]

In one week's time I will announce my demands and the target I have ssselected. Feel free to sssspend the next week or so dwelling on what they could be or the missssguided notion that you can sssstop me!

[And the feed ends after way too much evil laughter from Cobra.]

{OOC: Still taking signups for people to shoot him down if anyone's interested!}

96 | Video

Dec. 23rd, 2014 11:22 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (RECIPE FOR DISSSASTER)
[For those who are watching and have been to Cinnabar Island, the subject of Cobra's video is that construction site that's been constructing ever since Kanto became available all those years ago. ...or before that who knows? For those who've never been there, it's a construction site in a mysterious location. Which appears to be closed for the day.]

When we last ssssspoke like this, I demonstrated my latest innovation for all of you.

[...yup, he sure is pretending the tantrum that happened in between this and that didn't happen.]

And I believe I mentioned that the finished product would be far more devastating. Fortunately for you all, that day has not yet come.

[Soon though, at the rate this is going.]

Sssso today, I've arranged a second demonstration of Project M.E.T.A.L. for your viewing pleasure. So without further delay, fire!

[And from off camera, there's a barrage of Zap Cannons that...sort of whites out the view for a moment. When the feed resumes with an amazing shot of the ground, Cobra picks the camera back up to show...well, some of that construction equipment's definitely wrecked. There's a decent sized gouge in the ground where one of the blasts went off target, and who knows where some of the other ones went. Curse that 50% accuracy.]

I believe that was should be considered far more impressive than merely knocking down a wall as some of you put it before. And jussst remember! The worst is yet to come!

[The public feed ends there, and a few minutes later, there's a private feed on the Rocket channel.]
Private Video on the Rocket Frequency )

{OOC: So this is part two of the thing Cobra's been working on. He's still ICly putting things together at this point, but in January, you can expect an OOC post with information about what exactly he's doing and how you guys can ruin his plans for him! So keep an eye out for that if you're interested!}

95 | Video

Dec. 1st, 2014 02:21 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
No! No! No! No! No!

[...that sure is Cobra Commander throwing a fit in what appears to be Azalea Town. Apparently he's not happy everything's back to normal now.]

I don't care if thissss happens all the time, this is unacceptable! Completely unacceptable! I want my command center back and I want it back now! I dissstinctly remember having one!

[ He remembers a building and pushing buttons. Something may have been launched. That's about it. He doesn't even remember where it was, which leads to his next demand.]

And directions to where it is! Because it certainly wasn't in thissss miserable place!

[Yup, for the record, he still hates Azalea Town. In fact...]

If anything, ssssomeone should raze thisss stupid town to the ground and replace it with something useful!

[He's not going to do that today though. No, instead he's probably going to fly out of here right away and go somewhere that doesn't inspire him to cause new acts of stupidity.]

94 | Video

Nov. 17th, 2014 01:27 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[Cobra's off in what appears to be a wooded area today. There's a house off to the side which...doesn't really do much to identify where he is, but still, a house!]

Greetings citizens of Johto, Kanto. It's been ssssome time since I've had reason to addresssss you all like this.

[Technically, he just made a broadcast last month, but that's not really what he's talking about. ...but on a possibly related note, it has been a few months since he attacked that news station.

And he's still showing off that house in the background. Look, he rented it. He wants you all to see what he does with his money.]


Over the years certain individuals, myssself among them, have perpetrated various acts of violence and terrorism on thissss world, usually utilizing either Pokemon...or more conventional methods, ssssuch as that little war waged in Ecruteak the other day.

[Or maybe it wasn't so little, doesn't really matter. Cobra wants to talk about Cobra and his accomplishments today, not what that “Seth” guy is doing over in Ecruteak.]

Sssso I've decided that it's time to try something new. A blending of conventional weaponry and Pokemon as it were. A project I've dubbed Project M.E.T.A.L.!

[Magnetic Emission Tactical Assault Laser, if anyone's curious and doesn't feel like asking. A fancy name for...shooting things with Magnezones. Or what are going to one day be Magnezones.]

Of course, at this point, we all know that actions ssssspeak far louder than words, sssso I've arranged for a little demonstration.

[Okay, so now the house is going to come into play, since Cobra's focusing on it with the camera.]

Ready...aim...fire!

[And from off camera comes a beam of some sort that's uh...well, if anyone's seen Flash Cannon, sort of like that. Except it's a bit larger since it's about six of them aligned to fire together and impact the wall of that house.

...the house that he rented just to do this. Yup. This is what Cobra Commander does with his money.

With that demonstration done, he'll switch to audio until he gets over there, so enjoy the background music for the Mahogany area and the sound of Cobra walking for a moment.

Okay, it's live again and there's a lovely view of the wrecked wall as well as the interior of the room behind the wall which looks blasted all to hell. It could be worse, but suffice to say, he is not getting his deposit back. But enough about that, he's going to turn the camera to himself so he can address everyone personally.]


No doubt ssssome of you are unimpressed. But consider thisss a taste of things to come. The finished product will be much more devastating, and I guarantee it will be unlike anything this world has ever ssssseen!

[And he'll just cackle into the camera before ending the feed because that's his usual way of ending these things.]

{OOC: So, as you some of you might have noticed, Cobra's been mentioning that he's been working on something for the last few months. This is part of it! When it's all finished in a couple of months or so, there'll definitely be more information on it and the chance to foil his stupid evil, okay mostly stupid, plan. So this is basically phase one of a much larger stupid thing.

And this was mod approved by Sunny and Alex!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
[Remember last time when Cobra was too busy to rant about the earthquakes? Well, things have changed now.]

Enough! Enough with these sssstupid earthquakes already! Thissss is what? The fifth one? How is anyone supposed to get anything important done with thissss nonsense constantly going on?

[He's exaggerating, but hey, some people were in the middle of sketching blueprints for future plans when the constant shaking messed that whole thing up. Now he's got some torn paper, and lines gouged into his desk. It's a minor problem, but this is not something that should happen to the future ruler of the world, okay?]

Is thisss entire world on a fault line?

[Admittedly, that doesn't make any sense, but does anything here ever make sense?.]

Even when I managed to weaponize earthquakes in my world, they were hardly the nuisssance this is! Thisss is completely insufferable! Inssssssufferable!

[And that concludes today's tantrum.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (RECIPE FOR DISSSASTER)
[As much as Cobra would like to rant and rave about how annoying the earthquakes today are, he really has much more important things to accomplish today, so instead, he won't bother with the public video today.]

Private to Team Rocket Frequency )

91 | Video

Sep. 1st, 2014 11:47 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSTOP LAUGHING AT ME)
[When the feed starts Cobra's...laughing. It probably has something to do with the fact that he's inside and not caught outside in the torrential downpour of Espurrs. And he's not planning on heading outside until this is all over whenever that may be.]

Brilliant! This is brilliant! I was wondering if anyone would ever try ssssomething like this again!

[He goes on laughing on camera for quite a while before realizing that he should probably explain.]

Oh, that's right. I suppose most of you have absolutely no idea what I'm going on about. And thissss time I'll chalk it up to ignorance and not your overwhelming ssstupidity.

[Okay, now that he's insulted everyone watching, he'll explain.]

Ssssome time ago, a rather...unbalanced individual who used to be here, unleashed a rain of exploding Pineco on Goldenrod City causing untold amounts of dessstruction and devessstation! And as far as I know, he was never caught, ssso I've wondered for some time why no one's tried it again!

[Of course he's leaving out the parts where he didn't like said attack stealing his thunder and had a pinecone explode in his face...but Cobra feels things like that are better off being removed from this Johto history lesson.]

Though it is sssslightly disappointing that the persons responsible didn't bother to teach them Explosion before launching them.
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Aside from the Pokegear's ID being Cobra's, there's not a lot here worth mentioning. The device seems to be broadcasting from someone's hand, providing a weird side view of...what appears to be a giant pile of trash. Or a Garbodor if the viewer's familiar with what the side of a shiny Garbodor looks like from this angle.

Audiowise, there's not a lot worth mentioning. Background music. And the cameraman asking the person off camera if some Pokemon belong to anyone inside the news building. After being told no, the sssslightly familiar ssssounding camerman, turns to leave...when the pile of trash darts forward, and the feed ends with the sound of an explosion.

About an hour later, there's a brief audio message from the same Pokegear.]


Let thisss be a lesson to those who would dare to broadcast trash like that bogusss description, and a reminder of what can happen to those who dare crosssss me!

[Yes, he blew up a pile of trash and then called EV News trash. Yes, he thought it was clever. And no, he doesn't care if people think otherwise.]

{OOC: So here's the attack that was initially mentioned here! Like the link says, after the explosion, he teleported back to Vermilion with his Pokemon, so he'll be getting away with this one!}

89 | Video

Jun. 27th, 2014 01:55 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY!)
[Hey everybody, it's Cobra Commander on the feed again. Probably about to start rambling about that news broadcast again. Or not, since the subject of his broadcast today is something else entirely.]

I would just like to ssssay before I am falsely accused of anything else, that I have absolutely nothing to do with the bizarre weather today!

[Because seriously, why is there a snowstorm in June? What on earth is going on here?][Which should be pretty obvious to anyone who was around for the day Cobra Commander rampaged in Pallet Town with Pokemon using weather attacks...and got arrested for.]

Ssssso any attempts to pin thissss on me will be met with ssswift and effective retaliation! So don't even think about it!

[And with that done, he's going to go back to figuring out what to do about that news broadcast a few weeks ago.]

88 | Video

Jun. 11th, 2014 06:59 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE)
I would like to issssue a formal complaint about that sssso called news report that I'm sure all of you have seen by now. I have absolutely no idea why they would issue such a missssleading report, but despite that description, that was not me! I had nothing to do with any of that!

[As far as he knows anyway.]

I wasn't even in Goldenrod City at the time of the attack!

[That part's true.]

Sssso it is beyond me why these reporters would take it upon themsssselves to report ssssomething so obviously false! And I don't care where that description came from! I'm not going to allow my name to be sssslandered by them, the police, or anyone else! Essspecially for crimes I didn't commit!

[If he had his army of evil lawyers here, he would've already filed a ridiclous amount of lawsuits over this, but all he can do for now is yell at things.]

And if it's not sssslander, and there's some idiot out there trying to impersssonate me again, then whoever you are, you have made a very grave missstake. A mistake that I promise you will regret for the resssst of your soon to be completely miserable life!

[The feed ends there since Cobra's done screaming at the camera for now.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MY LIFE'S STORY IN ONE SPEECH BUBBLE)
These crystals are far, far too dangerous to be left here where anyone can get use them.

[Cobra turns the camera away from Fuchsia City's crystal that he was focusing on and towards himself. His slightly charred self. Guess who's been trying to figure out how these things work via trial and error? And it's been mostly error. Yup, lots and lots of explosive errors.]

Therefore, I've taken it upon mysssself to personally see to it that they don't fall into the wrong hands! Whose hands are those? Pretty much anyone's hands that aren't mine!

[...that part probably wasn't a surprise to anyone. What might be a surprise to the viewer though is what Cobra pans away and up to what appears to be...quite a few Magnezones using their magnetic powers to levitate quite a few Steelixes above the crystal.

Amazing what one can do by pulling rank on some NPC Grunts and taking advantage of the general craziness.]


As you can see, I've put together enough firepower to easily take down thissss crystal! And once that's done, I'll move on to all the others! And then the remains will be gathered up and-

[Cobra's cut off as the first Steelix gets essentially launched into the crystal.]

No! Sssstop! Ssstop! I didn't give the order yet! Sssstop it!

[They're not stopping.]

I sssssaaid ssssstop!

[The feed ends there.

But for anyone in Fuchsia City, Cobra's still standing in front of the crystal, shrieking at the Pokemon to do as he says...and occasionally dodging chunks of crystal sent flying by the bombardment. This isn't even remotely how he wanted this to go. And yet somehow, this isn't exactly a new experience for him either.]

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