IC Contact/Voicemail

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This is Cobra Commander! For whatever reason, I can’t answer the Gear right now, so leave a message. Unless it’s sssomething ssstupid! Then you can stop wasting my time with your ridiculoussss nonsenssssse!

Comments

sept 12 / anonymous mail

[doitrockapella]

DON'T READ THIS u will get kissed on the nearest possible friday by ur crush. Tomorrow will be the best day ever and u will catch a rare pokemon. HOWEVER IF U DONT FORWARD THIS TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE u will get chased by 50 beedrills and sprayed by a skuntank!!!!11!

[Phone call/Action/whatever I just wanted to type this out okay ):

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Oh look, there's one unread message on his Gear. Must've been sent out while he was busy suffering in this horrible well. Cobra will just read it and...]

What? What on earth is thissss nonsense? Don't read this? And then complete and utter nonsensical rubbish? Who sent thisss? 50 Beedrills? There aren't even any Beedrills around here! And a crush? I have no crush! And the only way tomorrow would be the best day ever is if these storms ended! So help me if I find out who sent this, I will make you ssssuffer for wasting my time with thisssss....this poor excuse for a message!

[MESSAGE DELETED]

(route) ✉ anonymous text message (dated 9/13)

[ex_cashcow493]

DON'T READ THIS u will get kissed on the nearest possible friday by ur crush. Tomorrow will be the best day ever and u will catch a rare pokemon. HOWEVER IF U DONT FORWARD THIS TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE u will get chased by 50 beedrills and sprayed by a skuntank!!!!11!

September 13th -- anonymous text

[darkenedgales]

DON'T READ THIS u will get kissed on the nearest possible friday by ur crush. Tomorrow will be the best day ever and u will catch a rare pokemon. HOWEVER IF U DONT FORWARD THIS TO AT LEAST 5 PEOPLE u will get chased by 50 beedrills and sprayed by a skuntank!!!!11!

sept 13 / anonymous text

[saxsongs]

[Tired of chain letters? Here's something completely different.]

Most common knowledge on Cobras:
1. They think too highly of themselves.
2. They should be careful of what they're trying to bite.
3. They're also failing in everything they do.

And most importantly.
4. They're very easy to spy on.

[text]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Unlike the chain letters, he is actually going to bother with a personal response. But it's going to be text. Because the things he's yelling in the Well right now are not things he wants to have anyone overhear.]

I don't know who this is, but if you're the one leaking my information then I promise you won't be able to do so for much longer.

[anonymous text]

[saxsongs]

If you don't even know who you're dealing with, how are you going to stop them?

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Don't worry about that. Even as we speak, I have people searching for the leak. If that's you, you will be found out. Very soon.

[Or not. Nobody seems to know who it is, so that investigation's really not going anywhere.]

[saxsongs]

Oh, is that so? I guess I need to be scared.



Hmm. No, I don't feel it.


[Well, he is a little nervous, but you don't need to know that.]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

You will soon enough. I guarantee it.

[saxsongs]

I'll look forward to it.

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Not as much as I am. No one spies on Cobra Commander and gets away with it.

[voice / private]

[explosivecombat]

[January 29th; 10:30 AM]

Commander - I trust this morning finds you well. Do return contact once you find the time; it would be greatly appreciated.

[voice / private]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

This is Cobra Commander sssspeaking.

[As if it wasn't obvious.]

What is it?

[explosivecombat]

You requested information regarding the attacks on the Tower. I assume this request still stands?

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

What did you dissscover?

[explosivecombat]

It seems to have been a deliberate attack, staged by more than one individual. Not much of value was stolen or infiltrated, though the newsroom, of all places, seems to have been targeted and a few lists were taken from that location.

I've also been informed that the labs were left unharmed, leading me to think that those who carried out the attacks in the first place have either a very poor grasp on what we're capable of, or no idea how the base itself is laid out. A lot of effort put forth for little payback; I'm not certain if it was simply supposed to be some sort of scare tactic or something more well-constructed that fell apart for some reason along the way.

The individuals in question did manage to keep their identities concealed; all I know for certain is that there's more than one of them.

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Okay, he's trying really hard not to start screaming about the lack of known suspects.

And he's succeeding. Sort of.]

Sssso we have no idea who did thisss. It could have been our usual enemies. Or some other group. The only thing we do know is that whatever they were trying ended in failure! Is that a correct analysis?

[explosivecombat]

Well, unless "stealing some generally worthless things" was the primary goal, then I'd say that their mission was a bit of a failure, yes.

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Remind me, what exactly were these worthless things again?

[explosivecombat]

Lists of no particular value, for the most part, regarding very vague quotas that were to be met. Nothing involving our names or positions, nothing regarding the other bases. I suppose that if they wanted proof that that's one of our bases, they received it, but they have no way to use that information, and we'll be prepared for any further assaults on it.

[He's making sure of that, anyway.]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

What a waste of time and effort! Sssstill, as you said, we should take steps to ensure that such things do not happen again!