cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MY LIFE'S STORY IN ONE SPEECH BUBBLE)
These crystals are far, far too dangerous to be left here where anyone can get use them.

[Cobra turns the camera away from Fuchsia City's crystal that he was focusing on and towards himself. His slightly charred self. Guess who's been trying to figure out how these things work via trial and error? And it's been mostly error. Yup, lots and lots of explosive errors.]

Therefore, I've taken it upon mysssself to personally see to it that they don't fall into the wrong hands! Whose hands are those? Pretty much anyone's hands that aren't mine!

[...that part probably wasn't a surprise to anyone. What might be a surprise to the viewer though is what Cobra pans away and up to what appears to be...quite a few Magnezones using their magnetic powers to levitate quite a few Steelixes above the crystal.

Amazing what one can do by pulling rank on some NPC Grunts and taking advantage of the general craziness.]


As you can see, I've put together enough firepower to easily take down thissss crystal! And once that's done, I'll move on to all the others! And then the remains will be gathered up and-

[Cobra's cut off as the first Steelix gets essentially launched into the crystal.]

No! Sssstop! Ssstop! I didn't give the order yet! Sssstop it!

[They're not stopping.]

I sssssaaid ssssstop!

[The feed ends there.

But for anyone in Fuchsia City, Cobra's still standing in front of the crystal, shrieking at the Pokemon to do as he says...and occasionally dodging chunks of crystal sent flying by the bombardment. This isn't even remotely how he wanted this to go. And yet somehow, this isn't exactly a new experience for him either.]

76 | Video

Sep. 17th, 2013 04:57 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Cobra's not in that weird office room he tends to use for broadcasts today. No, today he seems to be recording from what looks like a house. And the focus isn't on himself, but instead what appears to be an assorted pile of junk. There's a backpack that has definitely seen better days, a sleeping bag, and oddly enough, six jars of Combee honey.]

If this was meant to be a gift or sssssome sort of appeasement, then I suggest that next time you try offering ssssomething I would actually want! Not thisss...thisss garbage!

But this is hardly the reason for me addressing you today, no, I have ssssomething far more important to discuss!

[And now the camera's back to him.]

No, I would like to discuss....Pokemon eggs! Or more sssspecifically the sale of them! Do you people ever think about who you're selling them to? Or what they're going to be used for? After all, these things are basically weapons, and you have no restrictions on them, no checks to ensue that the buyer is ssssomeone who can be trusted with such a thing, or even that they are who they ssssay they are!

Case in point, I've purchased a number of eggs from the lot of you, ssssome under fake identities, and some without any ssssort of false pretense whatsoever, and allow me to show you what your oh ssso generous unregulated Pokemon egg industry has given me!

[There's a Pokeball being held up to the camera now.]

Inside this ball is ssssomething that would be very difficult to obtain on my own. A rather destructive Pokemon, with a moveset the likes of which would take ages to acquire through regular channels! And while I was tempted to show it off at the time of purchase, I chose instead to wait, and reveal it in all of its fully evolved destructive glory!

[There's some fumbling with the camera as Cobra brings the Pokemon out and once the camera focuses, that's definitely a Tyranitar in Cobra's house. A Tyranitar that's roaring. And throwing his arms around. And those arms just took out part of Cobra's wall.]

No you idiot! Ssssstop doing that! Sssstop it! You'll bring the whole place down!

[And the feed cuts there while Cobra tries to keep Tyranitar from wrecking what's left of his house.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Default)
[So instead of an audio tirade, there’s a short, simple text from Cobra Commander being sent out on the Rocket channel. After checking the PC this morning, he’s definitely not in the mood to talk to anyone right now.]

It seems that a number of Rockets are no longer with us. If any of you have recently received a Pokémon from one of them, please respond stating who it belonged to. I’m aware of at least four departures, and if there are more, it needs to be reported immediately.

[Now to try and not throw the PokéGear at something while he waits. Given that he’s already thrown an office chair, his helmet, and various papers around the room, there’s a good chance that the PokéGear’s next.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T PAY MY LEASE)
After several months of research, I have revised my list of targets. However, before I get into that, I would first like to pose a question to our sssscience team. How long is thissss-

[The Commander lifts up the side of his hood. Anyone expecting to see his face is probably going to be disappointed since all that’s exposed is a small portion of his cheek. This happens to be covered in black and purple splotches. He lets the camera linger on it for a moment before pulling his mask back down.]

Going to last? My powers disappeared a while ago, and these are still here! When are they going to go away? I want an answer! And before I get to thisss list, those of you already handling our various enemies need to report in with your progress! Or I may be forced to consider reassigning your targets to other members! Now then, here is the new list!

[The Pokegear is grabbed and turned towards a piece of paper lying on Cobra’s desk. It reads as follows:
The List ) ]

Study thisss list, gather information, and learn what we’re up against! Remember, knowing is half the battle! And the other half is crushing anyone who dares oppose us!

51 | Video

Jun. 23rd, 2012 01:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THISSSSSSS)
[The feed displays one Cobra Commander. One Cobra Commander who apparently doesn’t care about hiding his location today. He’s in an office, and it’s the same one the Rockets have seen on his last video, but it may be a somewhat hard to figure out since the camera’s shaking back and forth. Also, he’s yelling. Really loudly. If this office wasn’t part of Team Rocket, there’d probably be an officer en route to issue citations for disturbing the peace.]

Look at thissss! Look at it!

[The camera swings around to show an open crate. It’s rather large, but doesn’t seem to have much in it. There are some scraps of colored paper on the bottom of it, and that’s about it.]

Thisss crate was carrying very important cargo and one of you had the audacity to sssteal it! And not just ssteal it, but leave me thisss…this garbage in its place!

[Yet another camera turn to a desk, clearly Cobra Commander does not care if anyone gets motion sickness from his rage fueled camerawork. On top of the desk are several items, and he takes the time to focus on each one of them. The first is an overturned sack and an assortment of play money, some of it shredded into confetti. The second is a plastic disc, similar to HM02. The third is an obviously fake deed for Cianwood City. Now that everyone’s gotten a good look at this stuff, the Commander finally turns the camera to his face, and he's definitely not done yelling yet.]

One of you decided to steal my property and replace it with thisss junk! And I have a very good idea of who it was sssince they were stupid enough to leave a note! And you will pay! You will pay dearly! I will recover my property and make sure you ssssuffer for your little joke! On earth I’ve held the world hostage and brought nations to their knees! I’ve committed numerous criminal acts here in Johto, and all of that will pale in comparison to what I’m going to do when I find you! All of them! I’ll use every connection I have in Johto and Kanto to have you found and destroyed! And if anyone tries to help you or get in my way, then they’ll suffer the sssame fate! Or worse!

And to that brat who thought he could assault me and get away with it, I haven’t forgotten about that! I’ll get you too! Remember that! No one attacks Cobra Commander and gets away with it! Especially not you!

[He could go on and on, but he'll cut the feed there. Being attacked and robbed in the same week has done wonders for his temper.]

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