cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SHOULD BE BEHEADED FOR SSSSTUPIDITY)
[After an incredibly long absence, for Cobra anyway, Cobra Commander's made his return to the Pokegear. And he's in one of those weird nondescript rooms the Goldenrod Rocket base is apparently full of.

And there'd be some nostalgia over the fact that he hasn't broadcasted from here in quite some time, but he's too busy being mad.]


I sssspent months of planning, months of making sure everything was perfect! Only to fall victim to not just the handiwork of a couple of do-gooders, but of a ssssaboteur! But make no misstake, I am in no means deterred from continuing to do whatever I can to try and make thissss world mine! No prison, no act of ssssabotage, no ssself appointed heroes, nothing will ssstop me! Nothing!

[He's basically angrily shaking his fists at the camera. Wow.]

In fact, I will not ssstop until the world is mine, or the day I depart from thissss world! So if I were all of you, I would hope the latter happens sssssoon enough!

[And that's the end of his public tirade. Now if you're a Rocket, there'll be a message for you guys as well.]
Private Rocket Video )

95 | Video

Dec. 1st, 2014 02:21 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
No! No! No! No! No!

[...that sure is Cobra Commander throwing a fit in what appears to be Azalea Town. Apparently he's not happy everything's back to normal now.]

I don't care if thissss happens all the time, this is unacceptable! Completely unacceptable! I want my command center back and I want it back now! I dissstinctly remember having one!

[ He remembers a building and pushing buttons. Something may have been launched. That's about it. He doesn't even remember where it was, which leads to his next demand.]

And directions to where it is! Because it certainly wasn't in thissss miserable place!

[Yup, for the record, he still hates Azalea Town. In fact...]

If anything, ssssomeone should raze thisss stupid town to the ground and replace it with something useful!

[He's not going to do that today though. No, instead he's probably going to fly out of here right away and go somewhere that doesn't inspire him to cause new acts of stupidity.]

89 | Video

Jun. 27th, 2014 01:55 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DON'T LET THEM GET AWAY!)
[Hey everybody, it's Cobra Commander on the feed again. Probably about to start rambling about that news broadcast again. Or not, since the subject of his broadcast today is something else entirely.]

I would just like to ssssay before I am falsely accused of anything else, that I have absolutely nothing to do with the bizarre weather today!

[Because seriously, why is there a snowstorm in June? What on earth is going on here?][Which should be pretty obvious to anyone who was around for the day Cobra Commander rampaged in Pallet Town with Pokemon using weather attacks...and got arrested for.]

Ssssso any attempts to pin thissss on me will be met with ssswift and effective retaliation! So don't even think about it!

[And with that done, he's going to go back to figuring out what to do about that news broadcast a few weeks ago.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MY LIFE'S STORY IN ONE SPEECH BUBBLE)
These crystals are far, far too dangerous to be left here where anyone can get use them.

[Cobra turns the camera away from Fuchsia City's crystal that he was focusing on and towards himself. His slightly charred self. Guess who's been trying to figure out how these things work via trial and error? And it's been mostly error. Yup, lots and lots of explosive errors.]

Therefore, I've taken it upon mysssself to personally see to it that they don't fall into the wrong hands! Whose hands are those? Pretty much anyone's hands that aren't mine!

[...that part probably wasn't a surprise to anyone. What might be a surprise to the viewer though is what Cobra pans away and up to what appears to be...quite a few Magnezones using their magnetic powers to levitate quite a few Steelixes above the crystal.

Amazing what one can do by pulling rank on some NPC Grunts and taking advantage of the general craziness.]


As you can see, I've put together enough firepower to easily take down thissss crystal! And once that's done, I'll move on to all the others! And then the remains will be gathered up and-

[Cobra's cut off as the first Steelix gets essentially launched into the crystal.]

No! Sssstop! Ssstop! I didn't give the order yet! Sssstop it!

[They're not stopping.]

I sssssaaid ssssstop!

[The feed ends there.

But for anyone in Fuchsia City, Cobra's still standing in front of the crystal, shrieking at the Pokemon to do as he says...and occasionally dodging chunks of crystal sent flying by the bombardment. This isn't even remotely how he wanted this to go. And yet somehow, this isn't exactly a new experience for him either.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Today's video is Cobra Commander, who appears to be back in his usual blue outfit. With another prom over and done with, his one decent set of clothes has disappeared into whatever closet it lives in for most of the year.]

I would like to set the record straight about a few things that happened over the weekend. First, ssssome of you may have seen me doing the unthinkable at that ridiculoussss gathering. Yes, I was in fact...

[Hang on. He's having trouble actually putting this into words. The indignity of it all.]

Fine! I'll come out and sssay it. I was washing dishes!

[There. He said it.]

But what I would like to make completely clear is that I was not forced to! Yessss, I was told to, but if I had decided not to go along with it, I could have easily refused! In fact, I could have made sure that no one ever asked me to do ssssuch a menial chore again!

[Overreacting? Nope, not him.]

Which brings me to the second thing I would like to point out. If anyone, anyone at all thinks they can force me to some ridiculousssss chore again, I don't care who they are, I will make sure that they regret ever attempting to do so!

[The feed ends there, so apparently that's it.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Today was supposed to be the big day for Cobra. The day when everything went right. Certainly not the day where it rained on the morning on his attack, making it a pain to record video or take photos. And certainly not the day where his metal bird got shot out of the sky by Raichu. He was actually glad there wasn't any footage of that.

Really, it'd been a mixed bag at best. He'd done some damage, but retreat and recovery had been a complete disaster. Hopefully, the others did better.]


This morning the Vermilion City Gym was the target of a carefully planned aerial attack by Cobra forces. Let this be a reminder to you all that I can sssstrike anywhere at anytime. Anywhere! Without warning if I sssso choose!

[And not that he really feels like it, but there's some villainous laughter at the end of the public feed. Now to check in with the others.]

[Private Audio to Attack Volunteers]

By now your attacks should be underway, if not already finished. So I demand to know the results of them. Report in as ssssoon as you hear thissss message! And you better have succeeded!

78 | Video

Nov. 20th, 2013 05:05 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Today's video seems to be accidental in nature. The Gear's not near Cobra Commander, but he's visible in the shot, and doesn't seem to have any idea it's on. He's clearly yelling at someone, but whoever it is can't be seen in the frame.]

What do you mean it's missssing? I demand you check again! And keep checking until you find it! Do you have any idea what they'll do to me if they find out it's missing? Or any idea what I'll do to you? Because I guarantee that whatever Team Rocket does to me, I'll pay back to you tenfold!

[Yes, he apparently just outed himself as a Rocket to everyone watching the video. As if it wasn't already painfully obvious.]

Now go! Get out of here! And don't come back until you find it!

[Done with that, he turns around, notices the Pokegear, and just...stops, staring at it. If his expression were visible, he'd be looking horrified right now.]

What? How did this get here? Wraith, were you playing with my things again?

[And after picking up the Gear.]

This was recording? Sssso everyone saw....no! This is a complete disaster!

{OOC: So yeah, Cobra sure did out himself as a Rocket. And as to what's missing...it's nothing. There'll be an OOC post and another post later this month/early next month explaining more of what's going on, but basically he's up to no good again and trying to be sneakier about it. Keyword here is trying. And this was approved by both Sunny and Alex!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSSO MANY SHUPPETSSSSS)
[The video coming from Cobra's Gear today looks like several of his prior videos. He's seated at a desk, looking right at the camera. The eyes under the hood might look a little strange, almost like a Shuppet's, but other than that, same old Cobra Commander as always.

On the desk is the odd Halloween treat bag, and it's possible Cobra's going to talk about it, or maybe about the ghost swarms, or maybe about any of the weird stuff going on the for the last few weeks, but...he doesn't. He just stares at the camera, not saying a word. After staring long enough that it might seem entirely possible Cobra messed up and this is a photograph not a recording, something really strange happens.

Cobra's head, hood and all floats off his shoulders and flutters around the screen before zooming off camera. And soon after, the feed ends. Halloween may be over, but Cobra's Shuppet really couldn't resist playing a trick on everyone.]


[Audio, about 30 minutes later]

[And that everyone apparently includes Cobra judging from the amount of yelling going out over the Gear now.]

Who did thissssssss? Who dared to break into my house, stuff my uniform with paper, and sssssteal my hood? I demand to know who was responsible for thissss! And how you got past my defenses! That should be impossible! I sssswear I will find you, and when I do I'll make you regret ever pulling thissss stupid prank!

76 | Video

Sep. 17th, 2013 04:57 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Cobra's not in that weird office room he tends to use for broadcasts today. No, today he seems to be recording from what looks like a house. And the focus isn't on himself, but instead what appears to be an assorted pile of junk. There's a backpack that has definitely seen better days, a sleeping bag, and oddly enough, six jars of Combee honey.]

If this was meant to be a gift or sssssome sort of appeasement, then I suggest that next time you try offering ssssomething I would actually want! Not thisss...thisss garbage!

But this is hardly the reason for me addressing you today, no, I have ssssomething far more important to discuss!

[And now the camera's back to him.]

No, I would like to discuss....Pokemon eggs! Or more sssspecifically the sale of them! Do you people ever think about who you're selling them to? Or what they're going to be used for? After all, these things are basically weapons, and you have no restrictions on them, no checks to ensue that the buyer is ssssomeone who can be trusted with such a thing, or even that they are who they ssssay they are!

Case in point, I've purchased a number of eggs from the lot of you, ssssome under fake identities, and some without any ssssort of false pretense whatsoever, and allow me to show you what your oh ssso generous unregulated Pokemon egg industry has given me!

[There's a Pokeball being held up to the camera now.]

Inside this ball is ssssomething that would be very difficult to obtain on my own. A rather destructive Pokemon, with a moveset the likes of which would take ages to acquire through regular channels! And while I was tempted to show it off at the time of purchase, I chose instead to wait, and reveal it in all of its fully evolved destructive glory!

[There's some fumbling with the camera as Cobra brings the Pokemon out and once the camera focuses, that's definitely a Tyranitar in Cobra's house. A Tyranitar that's roaring. And throwing his arms around. And those arms just took out part of Cobra's wall.]

No you idiot! Ssssstop doing that! Sssstop it! You'll bring the whole place down!

[And the feed cuts there while Cobra tries to keep Tyranitar from wrecking what's left of his house.]

75 | Video

Aug. 29th, 2013 02:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[There's a face or lack thereof on the Gear today that hasn't been around in a while. Cobra Commander's making his first broadcast since June, and for that matter, seems to have missed the memo that it's currently August.]

Thisss month is almost over. And next month brings a very important day, one that any Americans here would be extremely familiar with: the Fourth of July! Independence Day!

[Yeah, he still hasn't checked the date on this thing.]

And even though Johto and Kanto don't celebrate thisss holiday, I sssee no reason to let thisss occasion pass without some sort of celebration! Therefore, to mark that day, I've decided to sssstage a fireworks demonstration! Yessss, a Cobra sponsored fireworks demonstration sssset in a major city! And there's nothing anyone can do to ssssstop it!

[And Cobra's broadcast concludes with some evil laughter before the screen goes black.]

{OOC: Had to take a hiatus for the past two months due to some family stuff, but I'm back now. Cobra's been glitched to explain where he was, which is why he thinks it's still late June.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NO ONE ARRESTS COBRA COMMANDER)
Thissss is impossible!

[What the video shows might be confusing to some since Cobra is somehow back in jail. And in complete disbelief over it. ]

Imposssssible! How? I demand an explanation for thisss!

[Not an explanation for how he got here so much as one that explains why he can’t get out. Not with his Pokémon, and not with the weird hairdryer thing laser pistol he’s waving in front of the camera. And last time he checked, the buildings here shouldn’t be blastproof.]

I demand to know who is responsible for thisss…thisss…thissss impossible reincarceration! Once I find you, I’ll have you shot for thisssss! Do you hear me? Shot!

[He hasn’t exactly figured out how he’s going to shoot someone through this glitched cell though.]

And ssssomeone get me out of here! Now! I don't care what else is going on! This should be your number one priority!
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[Video A]
[Today’s the 8th. That means another video (or three) from Cobra. He’s standing next to a building in Pallet Town wearing what appears to be a winter coat despite the fact that it’s May. And he doesn’t seem to be very happy about his demands being met.]

I had thought that the threat of complete annihilation would be enough to get what I want. Apparently, I was wrong. Apparently mere words are not enough to convince you all to make the right decisions even when those words come from someone such as myself. Sssso since I failed to convince you with words, you now leave me no choice but to offer a demonstration of what I’m capable of.

[And with that, Cobra produces a small remote from his pocket and pushes a button.]

Keep an eye on your PokéGears. Ssssoon you shall have proof that my threats were far from empty!

[Video B]
[About fifteen minutes after the first broadcast ends, there’s a second video from Cobra. Same location as before, but there appears to be some sort of freak storm going on. Hail, lightning, high winds, and even some snow. Cobra’s keeping his Pokémon off screen and separated in order to make it look as natural as possible. Or well as natural as a freak ice storm in early May can be.

And the whole time this is going on, Cobra’s cackling like an idiot again. Unfortunately, this goes on for quite a while before he cuts the feed.]


[Video C]
[Tired of Cobra yet? Yes? Too bad. There’s a third video sometime later, showing the aftermath of the storm. Nothing’s leveled or anything like that, but the Pokémon equivalent of Home Depot is probably going to be pretty busy over the next couple weeks or so.]

Take a good look at thisss! Take a good look and remember that next time, it will be wor-

[Okay, hang on, there’s something off screen taking up most of Cobra’s attention.]

Under arrest? Is thissss some sort of joke? You dare arrest me?

[After several minutes of arguing and trying to threaten his way out of this, Cobra’s finally handcuffed.]

You can’t do thissss to me! You’ll pay for thissss! I have rights! I want a lawyer! You’ll pay for thisss!

[And with that, Cobra’s final video for the day comes to a close.]

{OOC: Okay, here’s the attack/arrest that goes with this. Just let me know which video(s) are being responded to. If anyone’s actually in Pallet Town, feel free to encounter Cobra or one of his Pokemon. He has Castform, Vanilluxe, Electrode, Drifblim, Gyarados, and Abomasnow with him.

Additionally, responses to Video C will be coming from Cobra's jail cell!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSTOP LAUGHING AT ME)
[The video today is somewhat different from Cobra’s normal videos. For one, it’s outside. Two, he hasn’t really gone to any lengths to hide his location. Lavender Town’s music can clearly be heard in the background. Three, he has the camera pointed to the sky.]

Look!

[He’ll just leave it on as the sun sets and the moon rises, displaying…the same moon there always is. At this point, the video begins to resemble a usual Cobra broadcast since he’s not very happy about whatever it is he was trying to show.]

What? Imposssible! I distinctly remember-

[A bunch of scattered things, but he’s pretty sure the moon was involved somehow.]

Why is there nothing there? Thisss can't be!

[And Cobra shuts off the Gear there since whatever he wanted to show people isn’t there. Apparently he wasted several minutes of the viewer's time for nothing.]

{OOC: So since we’re allowed to remember things from this 4th Wall, Cobra Commander remembers flying towards the moon with the intent of doing something. What exactly that was and whether he succeeded or not is unfortunately something he doesn’t really recall. He’s going to assume he succeed though because he can’t see how he could fail at anything!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
[The following broadcast from the Commander is audio only, and he is definitely not in a good mood about things. Then again that’s what happens when he expects victory and instead gets defeat. Especially when said defeat was seen by an entire stadium’s worth of people.]

Allow me to make one thing perfectly clear: that idiot won out of luck, not sssskill!

[He is of course, referring to his tournament match against Crow Hogan. Which was won using a smart strategy, not luck!]

Luck! That’s all! There’s no way he could’ve have beaten me otherwise! No way! And not one of you had better say anything different! Or else! One thing’s for ssssure though, I’m going to enjoy watching his next opponent, whoever it may be, wipe the floor with him!

[The transmission ends there.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSSO MANY SHUPPETSSSSS)
Private Video for Rockets )

[When the public feed starts, the first thing that might be noticeable is that wherever Cobra is seems to have some fancy Shuppet print curtains on the outside of the windows.

…oh wait, they’re moving. Not that Cobra’s noticed this; he has much more important things on his mind.]

One million dollars. One million dollars to the person who finds the man who stole my chair.

[Said money may or may not be sheets of paper with Cobra’s face, good only for the day when he rules the world.]

Attached, you will find a list of aliases and identifying characteristics. Good luck.

[And sure enough, the information comes up on the screen shortly.


Name: ???
Aliases: El Zorua/The Fox
Location: Unknown, but prior information indicates they are familiar with the Cianwood/Olivine area
Identifying Characteristics: Male, Spanish accent, familiar with history, primarily American history
Reward: $1,000,000 for live capture and successful delivery to Cobra Commander
]

58 | Audio

Sep. 11th, 2012 03:20 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DON'T YOU DARE!)
When are these sssstorms going to end?

[For those listening in, there’s the typical cave music and…splashing? Also some sounds that could be the noise from Grimers moving around.]

This is ridiculoussss! I’ve devoted countless hours to planning my attack, and now I can’t do anything! Not a sssingle thing!

[Cobra’s way too mad to bother with lying or trying to not look completely harmless here.]

How could thisss happen a second time? I haven’t been here in years, and yet the ssssame thing happens that happened last time! This is no mere coincidence! No, it can’t be! It had better not be! So help me if I find out that any of you or your Pokémon are responsssible for this, there will be consequences! Dire consequences!

[What follows next is a rather odd noise. The sound of a combat boot connecting with and sinking into muck. It seems that at that the end of his fit, Cobra Commander decided to kick his Grimer, and now his foot is stuck.]

What is thissss? Unhand me at once! Right now! I’m your trainer, and you will do as I ssssay!

[There’s a thud as the Grimer lets go and Cobra hits the ground. Unfortunately, the Gear also hits the ground, ending the audio broadcast there.]

49 | Video

May. 31st, 2012 04:24 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (OH GOD GET IT AWAY)
[Cobra Commander actually managed to do things this week besides complain, and because of that, there’s two badges sitting on the table in the video. The Rainbow Badge and the Thunder Badge to be precise. Meaning for those who keep track of these things, he can actually use Fly now, obtained Strength, Giga Drain, and Thunder, all of which will be put to use at some point.]

Sssso that makes four. Three Gyms in Kanto, and one in Johto, and none of them have been worth the effort! Not a ssssingle one! I'm amazed that you people even bother with going around, trying to get them a-

[His rant is cut short as a Haunter sneaks up behind him, and in one quick move, yanks the hood off of his head. The camera moves from the badges to the laughing Haunter holding his mask.]

What? Give that back! Right now!

[The feed cuts out there.]

{OOC: Badges are mod approved, of course.

He'll be responding after he manages to get his mask back.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT'SSSSS THAT OVER THERE)
It has been twenty four hours, and I am not one million dollars richer. Nor I am the owner of the HM Fly. And I’m definitely not the owner of a city! So you leave me no choice!

[There’s a click as he pushes the button, but no giant explosion. Inside the Game Corner, a lone bomb goes off taking out a slot machine and doing light damage to the wall and things around it, but that’s it.]

What? Where is my explosion? Did they actually- Impossible! This is unacceptable!

[The sound of the remote hitting the wall and cracking can be heard.]

Make no mistake about thisssss Johto! There will be consequences for thissss! Dire consequences!

[The feed cuts out here.]

37 | Video

Mar. 6th, 2012 09:21 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[Hey look, it’s Trubbish again. Not much has changed over the past couple weeks. It still looks like a happy trash bag. What has changed is the Commander’s attitude about it. He sounds pretty happy, nowhere near how he acted around Valentine’s Day, but still pretty pleased about the “garbage” he’s showing all of Johto. Especially after he realized what it was, with no help from anyone else, of course.]

Guesssss what, Johto? I was wrong! It’s not garbage! It’s a Pokémon! And not just any ordinary Pokémon! It sssspews poison gas! Isn’t that amazing?

[Despite his question, he doesn't really care if anyone else shares his enthusiasm for using Pokémon for things like this.]

36 | Video

Feb. 21st, 2012 02:04 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENCE)
[Much like his last video, Cobra’s camera is focused on the mysterious egg he got for Valentine’s Day. The egg seems to be close to hatching since several cracks are visible in the shell and the sounds of something moving inside can be heard.]

Are you all watching thisssss? Pay attention! I want everyone ssssee what comes out of this! That way everyone can get a good long look at the newest member of Cobra!

[After some more cracking, the egg hatches and reveals…



After staring at it for a few moments, Cobra Commander decides that this thing isn't a Pokemon at all. No, it's clearly a busted trash bag someone drew eyes on and shoved inside a Pokemon egg. What other conclusion could there be?]

What is thissss? Is thisss some sort of joke? Who puts garbage in an egg? What idiot is responsible for this? Ugh, it ssssmells horrible! Horrible! When I find out who did this I'm going to..I'm going to...they'll regret doing thissss that's for sure!

[Following his rant, the Commander ends the broadcast.]

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