cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHO LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AGAIN?)
[Well, it's that time of year again, the time where anything and everything goes absolutely crazy and nothing makes sense.

So Cobra's got his island on full alert because this is probably the most likely time for something chaotic and ridiculous to happen. He's already told his NPC goons to be on their guard and to get ready to repel any invaders, but who knows how well that'll work since it's fourth wall and they'll get warped in and out or their Pokemon will suddenly be Magikarps with only Splash or something else will happen.

Cobra himself is going to barricade himself inside the house he uses as a command center which is a terrible idea because once again this is fourth wall and someone could just warp or glitch in there or Godzilla could show up and step on it, and...

And basically, there's no way this isn't a ridiculous disaster in the making, and it's probably for the best that fourth wall damage doesn't stick around long term.

Because odds are, there's going to be a lot of that.]

{OOC: Please feel free to attack and make a mess of his island. I'll be more than happy to throw Cobra and other things your way in return.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MY LIFE'S STORY IN ONE SPEECH BUBBLE)
These crystals are far, far too dangerous to be left here where anyone can get use them.

[Cobra turns the camera away from Fuchsia City's crystal that he was focusing on and towards himself. His slightly charred self. Guess who's been trying to figure out how these things work via trial and error? And it's been mostly error. Yup, lots and lots of explosive errors.]

Therefore, I've taken it upon mysssself to personally see to it that they don't fall into the wrong hands! Whose hands are those? Pretty much anyone's hands that aren't mine!

[...that part probably wasn't a surprise to anyone. What might be a surprise to the viewer though is what Cobra pans away and up to what appears to be...quite a few Magnezones using their magnetic powers to levitate quite a few Steelixes above the crystal.

Amazing what one can do by pulling rank on some NPC Grunts and taking advantage of the general craziness.]


As you can see, I've put together enough firepower to easily take down thissss crystal! And once that's done, I'll move on to all the others! And then the remains will be gathered up and-

[Cobra's cut off as the first Steelix gets essentially launched into the crystal.]

No! Sssstop! Ssstop! I didn't give the order yet! Sssstop it!

[They're not stopping.]

I sssssaaid ssssstop!

[The feed ends there.

But for anyone in Fuchsia City, Cobra's still standing in front of the crystal, shrieking at the Pokemon to do as he says...and occasionally dodging chunks of crystal sent flying by the bombardment. This isn't even remotely how he wanted this to go. And yet somehow, this isn't exactly a new experience for him either.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NO ONE ARRESTS COBRA COMMANDER)
[Video]

[Surprise! There's a snake themed person broadcasting on Cobra's Gear today. But it really doesn't look or sound anything like Cobra. Say hello to Serpent-Man everybody.]

Greetings, citizens! I am Serpent-Man! And I believe in truth, justice, and the principles the Founding Fathers outlined in the United States Constitution! I'm a recent arrival to these parts, but I just wanted you all to know that my first act as a Pokemon Trainer was to apprehend the treacherous and evil Cobra Commander! I plan to immediately take him to the police, so that he can be properly tried and sentenced for his crimes, and given the rights given to such people by the Bill of Rights or its equivalent here!

[And that's it. Yeah. ]

[Action]
[Somehow Cobra Commander has apparently managed to escape from his earlier predicament, and after spotting that machine, proceeds to start running around looking for it. He doesn't have the faintest idea what it is, but that R means it's Team Rocket's, and if he recovers it, it might earn some points with them.

So he can basically be found anywhere, looking everywhere and through everything. Houses, businesses, trash cans, under rocks, and so on. That thing's got to be around here somewhere.]

{OOC: Most replies to the video will probably be coming from [personal profile] serpentmanaway!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NO ONE ARRESTS COBRA COMMANDER)
Thissss is impossible!

[What the video shows might be confusing to some since Cobra is somehow back in jail. And in complete disbelief over it. ]

Imposssssible! How? I demand an explanation for thisss!

[Not an explanation for how he got here so much as one that explains why he can’t get out. Not with his Pokémon, and not with the weird hairdryer thing laser pistol he’s waving in front of the camera. And last time he checked, the buildings here shouldn’t be blastproof.]

I demand to know who is responsible for thisss…thisss…thissss impossible reincarceration! Once I find you, I’ll have you shot for thisssss! Do you hear me? Shot!

[He hasn’t exactly figured out how he’s going to shoot someone through this glitched cell though.]

And ssssomeone get me out of here! Now! I don't care what else is going on! This should be your number one priority!
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[When the feed clicks on, there’s uh, this thing. Don’t worry though, Johto hasn’t been invaded by aliens from the planet where color coordination and fashion go to die, it’s just Cobra Commander. Which should be clear once he starts talking.]

People of Johto, today is a truly momentous occasion. Today, I ssset my sights much higher than I have in the past, and what I accomplish today will never be forgotten! Ever! Behold!

[And he’ll turn the camera now to show off his Skarmory, which everyone has probably seen before. But today, it’s a little different. There’s a few oddly dressed pilots hanging around it, rigging some sort of harness to it. The crazy man in the spacesuit might not be their Commander, but this is hardly the first time that they’ve seen a new Cobra Commander. Attached to the harness seem to be a number of Pokeballs which were drafted into Cobra’s service instead of being kept by the Star-Vipers, each one containing another flying Pokemon.

But enough about that, he’s spent too much time filming things that aren’t him, so he’ll turn the camera back to his helmet now.]


I suggest you all keep an eye on the sssky, because I plan to leave quite the impression on it! One that will last forever!

[And what would a Cobra Commander broadcast be without the customary cackling to close out the video?]

{OOC: SO

Cobra’s plan is to do this. OBVIOUSLY, THIS WILL NOT GO AS PLANNED. Feel free to jump in whenever whether it be during the prep, after takeoff, or in between failed attempts. He’ll be responding to the Gear during flights too. Just let me know when!

Oh, and he is armed, but uh, his lasers will hilariously miss anything that isn't a vehicle.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (COSTUME CHANGES FOR EVERYONE!)
[The screen shows water. Water as far as the eye can see. Cobra Commander takes a moment to turn around showing off water, water, and guess what? More water. He’s standing on a tiny island on the right side of Route 21, but has no idea where that is. And tiny might not do it justice, there’s barely enough room for him and the six Arboks that have replaced his team to stand on.

He turns the camera to his face and reveals a rather odd change of clothes and begins speaking. Judging from his tone, he’s managed to turn a horrible negative into a positive.]

Good evening, Johto! I would like all of you to see this wonderful moment! The moment where I, Cobra Commander claim a piece of thissss wretched land as my own! Behold! Cobra Island! The first of many Cobra ssstrongholds throughout this world! Try and take it from me if you dare!

[With a cackle, he hits the button and closes the feed.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Ssssssssssssshooting you now)
[Hey Johto? See those blue lasers flying across New Bark Town? Hear Cobra Commander’s maniacal laughter? Someone’s really happy about Johto playing tricks on him for once. Especially since they gave him back a standard issue MARS Industries laser rifle this time.]

Ahahahahaha! This is wonderful! Wonderful!

[More shooting. He’s murdering the poor defenseless New Bark Town sign. This is clearly the first step in conquering Johto: killing signs. ]

No one can ssstop me now! No one!

{OOC: His aim is just as bad as everyone’s in his canon, so any laser fire will fly harmlessly over people’s heads.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (RETREAT RETREAAAAAAAAAAAT)
[He sounds more nervous than angry.]

Would someone pleas explain what is going on? One minute I'm minding my own business and then I'm in Goldenrod! Furthermore-

[Multiple cries of Ditto can be heard.]

What is this? Go away you horrible things! Go Zubat! Take care of them!

[Instead of a Zubat, there's another Ditto cry.]

My Pokemon! What happened to my Pokemon? No get away from me!

[The audio cuts out as Cobra Commander is swarmed by Dittos.]

{OOC: Went ahead and got this posted tonight because I'll probably be swamped tomorrow. Responses will probably be slow tomorrow, but I'll do my best to try and keep up.}

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Cobra Commander

June 2015

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