cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Today's going to be one of those rare days where Cobra Commander makes a video broadcast and isn't complaining about anything or threatening to blow up something or any of that. Because none of that is important right now. What is important though is the subject of today's address, which he'll get to soon enough.]

Five years. In a few days it will be five years ssssince I've arrived in this world. I'm ssssure some of you can't even begin to imagine being here for that long. And yesss, I know, some idiot just went on about this subject a while ago, but what I have to sssay is far more important.

[Because he apparently can't be nice about anything even if he's not threatening you all.]

Anyway, five years ago, I would have assumed that by now, thisss world would have fallen under my control. Within a year, two maybe. I certainly couldn't have envissioned that almost five years would pass before I'd conquered sssso much as a mere island. Which isn't to ssssay that I'd be disappointed with myssself, merely that five years ago I couldn't have even begun to anticipate the ridiculoussss going ons that have occurred over the last five years.

[Legendaries, Team Rocket stuff, Kanto just sort of...appearing, fourth walls, and all sorts of other crazy things.]

And I can only assume that the next five years will be full of ssssome sssort of equally unimaginable chaos.

[Like...he doesn't know. Maybe it'll rain Magikarps for a month or something. Or everyone will get warped into the Ice Path. ...or maybe there'll be a gun Pokemon since there's sword Pokemon now. Who knows? The point is that he can't even begin to guess what sort of crazy Pokemon shenanigans could happen.]

However, I can guarantee one thing. Yessss, one thing is absolutely certain! And that is that it will not take me another five years to finish conquering the globe! I guarantee that within the next five years, the entire Pokemon world will belong to me! To Cobra Commander!

[...and that's apparently how he commemorates being here that long. By reaffirming his intent to rule the world and by cackling like a lunatic until he ends the transmission.]

101 | Video

Mar. 1st, 2015 07:50 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (BEING SSSSSNEAKY)
[Today we have Cobra Commander on the Gear, looking well, about the same as always. It's hard to figure out where he is, but judging from the bgm and the metal walls, a ship is probably a good guess? But which ferry? Or cruiseliner? That's the question.]

I've decided that after my unfortunate...outburssst last month, that a change of sssscenery was overdue.

[That's not really an apology for screaming at everyone in private and public, but it's certainly something at least?]

And it has done wonders for providing me with a new outlook on life.

[Though...what that means isn't exactly a conversation for today.]

However, everything I sssssaid last time still applies. Everything.

[In other words, he's still furious.]

And ssssome of it will apply ssssooner than you think.

[Having been as cryptic as possible, he kills the feed there. He'll answer any responses of course, but as to what he's talking about, he'll keep that under his hood for now.]

{OOC: Curious as to what this is about? Head over here for more info!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (AND NOW FOR A LISSSST OF DEMANDS)
[Not much to see here. It's Cobra Commander again, but this time via text]

You have one week to meet the following demands:

At least P1,000,000 delivered to the following address:


[And an address follows. It's a P.O. Box in Blackthorn City, so there's nothing really exciting there if anyone goes to look.]

Ownership of any one city in either region.

100 Shiny Pokemon.


[He doesn't even want the Pokemon, but he knows that in a Pokemon centric world, that's a pretty huge demand to make.]

You have one week or Cherrygrove City will experience destruction on a level not yet seen in this world. Ignore this at your own peril.

{OOC: Still taking signups to shoot Cobra down for the next 24 hours or so!}

94 | Video

Nov. 17th, 2014 01:27 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[Cobra's off in what appears to be a wooded area today. There's a house off to the side which...doesn't really do much to identify where he is, but still, a house!]

Greetings citizens of Johto, Kanto. It's been ssssome time since I've had reason to addresssss you all like this.

[Technically, he just made a broadcast last month, but that's not really what he's talking about. ...but on a possibly related note, it has been a few months since he attacked that news station.

And he's still showing off that house in the background. Look, he rented it. He wants you all to see what he does with his money.]


Over the years certain individuals, myssself among them, have perpetrated various acts of violence and terrorism on thissss world, usually utilizing either Pokemon...or more conventional methods, ssssuch as that little war waged in Ecruteak the other day.

[Or maybe it wasn't so little, doesn't really matter. Cobra wants to talk about Cobra and his accomplishments today, not what that “Seth” guy is doing over in Ecruteak.]

Sssso I've decided that it's time to try something new. A blending of conventional weaponry and Pokemon as it were. A project I've dubbed Project M.E.T.A.L.!

[Magnetic Emission Tactical Assault Laser, if anyone's curious and doesn't feel like asking. A fancy name for...shooting things with Magnezones. Or what are going to one day be Magnezones.]

Of course, at this point, we all know that actions ssssspeak far louder than words, sssso I've arranged for a little demonstration.

[Okay, so now the house is going to come into play, since Cobra's focusing on it with the camera.]

Ready...aim...fire!

[And from off camera comes a beam of some sort that's uh...well, if anyone's seen Flash Cannon, sort of like that. Except it's a bit larger since it's about six of them aligned to fire together and impact the wall of that house.

...the house that he rented just to do this. Yup. This is what Cobra Commander does with his money.

With that demonstration done, he'll switch to audio until he gets over there, so enjoy the background music for the Mahogany area and the sound of Cobra walking for a moment.

Okay, it's live again and there's a lovely view of the wrecked wall as well as the interior of the room behind the wall which looks blasted all to hell. It could be worse, but suffice to say, he is not getting his deposit back. But enough about that, he's going to turn the camera to himself so he can address everyone personally.]


No doubt ssssome of you are unimpressed. But consider thisss a taste of things to come. The finished product will be much more devastating, and I guarantee it will be unlike anything this world has ever ssssseen!

[And he'll just cackle into the camera before ending the feed because that's his usual way of ending these things.]

{OOC: So, as you some of you might have noticed, Cobra's been mentioning that he's been working on something for the last few months. This is part of it! When it's all finished in a couple of months or so, there'll definitely be more information on it and the chance to foil his stupid evil, okay mostly stupid, plan. So this is basically phase one of a much larger stupid thing.

And this was mod approved by Sunny and Alex!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (RECIPE FOR DISSSASTER)
[As much as Cobra would like to rant and rave about how annoying the earthquakes today are, he really has much more important things to accomplish today, so instead, he won't bother with the public video today.]

Private to Team Rocket Frequency )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MY LIFE'S STORY IN ONE SPEECH BUBBLE)
These crystals are far, far too dangerous to be left here where anyone can get use them.

[Cobra turns the camera away from Fuchsia City's crystal that he was focusing on and towards himself. His slightly charred self. Guess who's been trying to figure out how these things work via trial and error? And it's been mostly error. Yup, lots and lots of explosive errors.]

Therefore, I've taken it upon mysssself to personally see to it that they don't fall into the wrong hands! Whose hands are those? Pretty much anyone's hands that aren't mine!

[...that part probably wasn't a surprise to anyone. What might be a surprise to the viewer though is what Cobra pans away and up to what appears to be...quite a few Magnezones using their magnetic powers to levitate quite a few Steelixes above the crystal.

Amazing what one can do by pulling rank on some NPC Grunts and taking advantage of the general craziness.]


As you can see, I've put together enough firepower to easily take down thissss crystal! And once that's done, I'll move on to all the others! And then the remains will be gathered up and-

[Cobra's cut off as the first Steelix gets essentially launched into the crystal.]

No! Sssstop! Ssstop! I didn't give the order yet! Sssstop it!

[They're not stopping.]

I sssssaaid ssssstop!

[The feed ends there.

But for anyone in Fuchsia City, Cobra's still standing in front of the crystal, shrieking at the Pokemon to do as he says...and occasionally dodging chunks of crystal sent flying by the bombardment. This isn't even remotely how he wanted this to go. And yet somehow, this isn't exactly a new experience for him either.]

86 | Video

May. 21st, 2014 08:29 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
Earlier today while making a new list of targets, something I'm sssure that many of you are already aware that I do, I realized ssssomething.

[Cobra pauses here. It's not every day that he realizes something.]

Most of my enemies are no longer here. What once took up more than a page could now easily fit on a post it note. And if I am lacking in enemies, then that obviously means that I am ssucceeding in removing any obstacles to my eventual conquest of Johto. Even if I'm not actually doing anything about it!

[Victory by default is still victory...right? To Cobra, it is, so he's laughing about it.He'll stop eventually though.]

Of course, just because I don't have to do anything doesn't mean that I'm going to refrain from taking action against thossse who annoy me. There are, after all, ssstill a few nuisances running around here I'd like dealt with. And sssince I'm no longer in Team Rocket, I can hardly ask them to do it, right?

[Yup. He's still sticking to the not in Team Rocket thing.]

Therefore, if anyone is interested in being handsomely rewarded for bringing misfortune to these people, please let me know, and I'll be more than happy to provide you with their names.

[And that's where the video ends.]

84 | Video

Feb. 25th, 2014 06:37 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSSTEP RIGHT UP)
[Today we have some lovely footage of a Bloober moving around on Cobra's desk. Luckily, he had the sense to put down some plastic sheeting before letting the Bloober move (bloob?) around on it. Otherwise, he'd be throwing a tantrum about his desk being ruined by slime.]

I am going to assume most you know what these things are, and as you may have noticed none have been spotted in the wild for a few days now.Either they are extremely rare, or there are simply none left in either region. Sssso if you were planning to catch one, finding one could prove to be an extremely difficult, if not imposssible task.

But you aren't entirely out of luck! I happen to have obtained a number of these creatures and would be more than happy to ssssell them to anyone wanting to own one.

[He caught ten of them thinking he could something with them, and so far, they don't seem to do anything he finds useful like explode or shoot lasers, so he's done with this little experiment.]

Now given that the creatures are as rare as they are, and with seemingly no eggs on the market, I think it's only fair to ssssell them for a high price. Therefore, I will accept nothing lower than P100,000 per creature.

[He pulled that number out of thin air, but hey nine or ten of them at P100,000? That's a lot of money he can waste on stupid Cobra things.]

And before any of you complain or attempt to haggle, need I remind you that if they remain unsold, I will find another use for them. Target practice, perhaps.

[And that's where the feed ends.]

70 | Video

May. 1st, 2013 06:44 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I BELIEVE THISSS CALLS FOR A SSSSPEECH)
Greetings, people of the world.

[Behind Cobra Commander, there appears to be some sort of tarp covered object. There’s no real uniform shape to it, and the tarp does a wonderful job concealing the fact that it’s just a bunch of boxes and assorted junk he’s cobbled together to create the impression that there’s something else under there.]

I assume that many of you are wondering what thisss object behind me is? Well, wonder no longer! Thisss is what will not only assure my victory over the world, but also will be the final argument to convince ssssome of you that I, Cobra Commander, am indeed someone you should all fear!

You see, thanks to ssssome of the greatest minds to ever inhabit this place, I finally have a device capable of harnessing the forces of nature themselves! Think about that means! The weather itself is mine to command! And mine to use against my enemies!

[And it’s the same for anyone else with access to certain Pokémon attacks, but Cobra’s hoping the tarp will distract people from thinking about that.]

But I have no interest in ruling over a frozen or flooded planet. Therefore, I’ll give you all one chance to sssspare yourselves such a fate. Simply turn over one-third of all the eggs in both Johto and Kanto to me and you won’t have to experience the full power of thisss weapon! Refuse and suffer the consequences!

I will give you one week to decide! One week!

{OOC: There’s more information about this here!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[When the feed clicks on, there’s uh, this thing. Don’t worry though, Johto hasn’t been invaded by aliens from the planet where color coordination and fashion go to die, it’s just Cobra Commander. Which should be clear once he starts talking.]

People of Johto, today is a truly momentous occasion. Today, I ssset my sights much higher than I have in the past, and what I accomplish today will never be forgotten! Ever! Behold!

[And he’ll turn the camera now to show off his Skarmory, which everyone has probably seen before. But today, it’s a little different. There’s a few oddly dressed pilots hanging around it, rigging some sort of harness to it. The crazy man in the spacesuit might not be their Commander, but this is hardly the first time that they’ve seen a new Cobra Commander. Attached to the harness seem to be a number of Pokeballs which were drafted into Cobra’s service instead of being kept by the Star-Vipers, each one containing another flying Pokemon.

But enough about that, he’s spent too much time filming things that aren’t him, so he’ll turn the camera back to his helmet now.]


I suggest you all keep an eye on the sssky, because I plan to leave quite the impression on it! One that will last forever!

[And what would a Cobra Commander broadcast be without the customary cackling to close out the video?]

{OOC: SO

Cobra’s plan is to do this. OBVIOUSLY, THIS WILL NOT GO AS PLANNED. Feel free to jump in whenever whether it be during the prep, after takeoff, or in between failed attempts. He’ll be responding to the Gear during flights too. Just let me know when!

Oh, and he is armed, but uh, his lasers will hilariously miss anything that isn't a vehicle.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[Today, Cobra Commander is once again broadcasting on the Rocket frequency. From the feed, it appears that he's in some sort of office. He’s seated a desk with a number of shipping invoices and other harbor related documents scattered on top of it.]

Thisss is Cobra Commander speaking. To those of you working on that list, what progress have you made? It’s been over a month since I last asked, so I should hope that some sort of progressss has been made. Report in if you have anything!

[Cobra Commander glares at the camera for a moment before continuing. Someone had better have something to report by now. Or else he’ll be forced to lecture people about what happens when they disappoint him.]

And in case anyone feels that they need to know what I'm doing in thisss place, the answer is work! Lots of work! I’ve recently been transferred to Vermillion City to oversssee Team Rocket’s ssshipping concerns. In addition to that, I have been conducting ssssurvelliance on an individual in thisss city! Surveillance that I believe will be well worth the time invested when it’s finished! And that's all you need to know for now!

44 | Text

Apr. 29th, 2012 02:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[Private Text to Stitch]
Contact me as soon as you get this. We need to talk about that job I offered.

[Private Text to Rockets]
If you’ve made any progress with that list, report in.

[It’s only been a few days, but the Commander’s already expecting some sort of results. After all, the way he sees it, these Rockets should be devoting any and all spare time they have to investigating and eliminating the threats he announced earlier in the week.]

[Public Audio to All of Johto]
Once again, all the people who swore I’d pay for my crimes have completely failed at bringing me to any sort of justice. For thisss, I applaud your efforts Johto. You’ve managed to reach a new level of incompetence that even I, Cobra Commander, thought was imposssssible!

[Instead of cackling, there’s a round of applause before the audio cuts out.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[After spending the past few days working through his files and finally learning how the Pokegear version of Caller ID works, Cobra Commander is ready to present his findings. So around this time, he'll be sending out an audio broadcast on the Rocket only channel.]

[Private Audio/Video on the Rocket Frequency]

The following is a list of targets and my recommendations as to what should be done about them.

[The video feed clicks on showing a single page document.]

High Priority Targets (These targets are believed to be an immediate threat to any plans. They should be eliminated on sight unless otherwise noted.):
-The two who disabled the bombs. One goes by the name of Athrun Zala. The other is named Shinn Asuka.
-Lightning Farron: Has apparently threatened Team Rocket. May or may not be working with a group. Verify whether she is or not before eliminating.
-Roy Mustang: Opposed the Magnet Train operation. Military experience. Possesses all eight badges. Approach with extreme caution.

Others Worthy of Investigation:
-Minnie Mouse
-Crow Hogan
-Isaac McDougal
-Emmy Altava


Once again these are only my recommendations, but if someone were to act on these, by all means go right ahead.

41 | Text

Apr. 13th, 2012 01:42 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (TAKES A SSSTRONG STOMACH TO SEE MY FACE)
Private Texts to Kimblee and Kato )

[With that taken care of, the following message is sent out on the public network, in text of course, since Cobra Commander is still of the opinion that no one knows who he is if he sticks to text.]

I have a question for all of Johto. If someone asked you to pick your favorite place in all of Johto, where would it be?

{OOC: Private texts are related to this. Throwing out the link again in case anyone else is interested in participating.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NO ONE ARRESTS COBRA COMMANDER)
And you people say I’m all talk. You should all be ashamed! For all the talk of capturing me, hunting me down, making me pay, and so on, I’m still free. Not only that, but I’ve already made it back to Goldenrod. So much for tracking me. And since it seems that none of my demands were met, I’ve begun planning my next attack! And there’s nothing you can do about it!

Private Audio on Rocket Frequency )

37 | Video

Mar. 6th, 2012 09:21 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[Hey look, it’s Trubbish again. Not much has changed over the past couple weeks. It still looks like a happy trash bag. What has changed is the Commander’s attitude about it. He sounds pretty happy, nowhere near how he acted around Valentine’s Day, but still pretty pleased about the “garbage” he’s showing all of Johto. Especially after he realized what it was, with no help from anyone else, of course.]

Guesssss what, Johto? I was wrong! It’s not garbage! It’s a Pokémon! And not just any ordinary Pokémon! It sssspews poison gas! Isn’t that amazing?

[Despite his question, he doesn't really care if anyone else shares his enthusiasm for using Pokémon for things like this.]

30 | Audio

Nov. 2nd, 2011 11:37 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Working on some ridiculous scheme)
Hello, Johto. This is Cobra Commander ssssspeaking. And there’s no need to panic. I don’t plan on harming anyone today. I merely require information about certain individuals in Johto. Two days ago, each of these individuals proclaimed themselves ruler of Johto, and I would like to...convince them otherwise.

[He’ll let that veiled threat sink in before continuing.]

The first individual referred to herself as Queen Minerva Mouse. The second went by the title of King of Hearts. I will reward anyone who provides me with useful information about them, especially their locations. And don't even think about lying to me! Or you'll regret it!

[Click.]

29 | Audio

Oct. 10th, 2011 12:32 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Addresssssssing the minionsssssssss)
[Despite everything he’s told people, someone’s still a little paranoid about being tracked and captured, so there’s no video and the only noise in the background is the music for Route 36.]

How many of you have visited the Ssssprout Tower in Violet City? If you haven’t, maybe you should. Visit while you still can!

[Following the threat, there’s about a minute’s worth of maniacal cackling before the Commander settles down. But since he still has one more message for all of Johto, the quiet doesn’t last long.]

Oh right. I have one last thing I’d like to addressssss. If anyone is trying to capture me, don’t bother! You’ll never find me! Never!

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