cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SHOULD BE BEHEADED FOR SSSSTUPIDITY)
[After an incredibly long absence, for Cobra anyway, Cobra Commander's made his return to the Pokegear. And he's in one of those weird nondescript rooms the Goldenrod Rocket base is apparently full of.

And there'd be some nostalgia over the fact that he hasn't broadcasted from here in quite some time, but he's too busy being mad.]


I sssspent months of planning, months of making sure everything was perfect! Only to fall victim to not just the handiwork of a couple of do-gooders, but of a ssssaboteur! But make no misstake, I am in no means deterred from continuing to do whatever I can to try and make thissss world mine! No prison, no act of ssssabotage, no ssself appointed heroes, nothing will ssstop me! Nothing!

[He's basically angrily shaking his fists at the camera. Wow.]

In fact, I will not ssstop until the world is mine, or the day I depart from thissss world! So if I were all of you, I would hope the latter happens sssssoon enough!

[And that's the end of his public tirade. Now if you're a Rocket, there'll be a message for you guys as well.]
Private Rocket Video )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Yep, it's Cobra again. But wait, don't touch that dial because today is actually the day he does stuff! Which might become obvious because when the video starts he seems to be...in the air, standing on some sort of metal thing. So yep, stuff's happening today.

Now, in theory, he should probably be preoccupied with the Rocket text that went out a couple days ago, but he's not postponing his plans just because the admins decided they want them all to do things. He's Cobra Commander, and he does things on his schedule, not anyone else's.

Unless of course they force him to stick to their schedule, but that's not the point today!]


I thought that this time...thissss time, you all might have actually understood what I was up to and had the ssssense to meet my demands. Obvioussssly, I was wrong.

[Wow, Cobra actually admitted he was wrong.]

So sssince no one seems to understand what a game changer my device is, allow me to provide the final demonstration of Project M.E.T.A.L.'s power!

[Cobra steps towards the edge of the platform and...that sure is the Cherrygrove Spa down there. Yup.]

Lock On!

[There's no visible effect or anything, but the Magnezones under the platform have locked on to their target.]

Fire!

[And suddenly six Zap Cannons rain down, all hitting the target and pretty much wrecking that poor spa. Nobody's getting any treatments there any time soon, that's for sure.]

I trust that you now underssstand the power I possess!

[He'll just back away from the edge now.]

But it's an underssstanding that has come far too late! Because you've failed to meet my demands, the ressst of Cherrygrove City can expect the sssame fate!

[From somewhere behind Cobra, there's a weird detaching noise followed by the sound of something falling and then um...impacting the ruins of the spa.]

What?!

[He'll just disconnect the feed there. No sense in showing the whole world what went wrong and ruining any villain cred he's just gained.]

{OOC: The log for the people wrecking the machine is here! Have fun guys!

And responses to this might be slow over the next couple of days due to my laptop needing repairs, but I'll try be around as much as I can!

And yes, the damage to the spa was approved by Alex and Sunny!}

95 | Video

Dec. 1st, 2014 02:21 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
No! No! No! No! No!

[...that sure is Cobra Commander throwing a fit in what appears to be Azalea Town. Apparently he's not happy everything's back to normal now.]

I don't care if thissss happens all the time, this is unacceptable! Completely unacceptable! I want my command center back and I want it back now! I dissstinctly remember having one!

[ He remembers a building and pushing buttons. Something may have been launched. That's about it. He doesn't even remember where it was, which leads to his next demand.]

And directions to where it is! Because it certainly wasn't in thissss miserable place!

[Yup, for the record, he still hates Azalea Town. In fact...]

If anything, ssssomeone should raze thisss stupid town to the ground and replace it with something useful!

[He's not going to do that today though. No, instead he's probably going to fly out of here right away and go somewhere that doesn't inspire him to cause new acts of stupidity.]

88 | Video

Jun. 11th, 2014 06:59 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE)
I would like to issssue a formal complaint about that sssso called news report that I'm sure all of you have seen by now. I have absolutely no idea why they would issue such a missssleading report, but despite that description, that was not me! I had nothing to do with any of that!

[As far as he knows anyway.]

I wasn't even in Goldenrod City at the time of the attack!

[That part's true.]

Sssso it is beyond me why these reporters would take it upon themsssselves to report ssssomething so obviously false! And I don't care where that description came from! I'm not going to allow my name to be sssslandered by them, the police, or anyone else! Essspecially for crimes I didn't commit!

[If he had his army of evil lawyers here, he would've already filed a ridiclous amount of lawsuits over this, but all he can do for now is yell at things.]

And if it's not sssslander, and there's some idiot out there trying to impersssonate me again, then whoever you are, you have made a very grave missstake. A mistake that I promise you will regret for the resssst of your soon to be completely miserable life!

[The feed ends there since Cobra's done screaming at the camera for now.]

78 | Video

Nov. 20th, 2013 05:05 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Today's video seems to be accidental in nature. The Gear's not near Cobra Commander, but he's visible in the shot, and doesn't seem to have any idea it's on. He's clearly yelling at someone, but whoever it is can't be seen in the frame.]

What do you mean it's missssing? I demand you check again! And keep checking until you find it! Do you have any idea what they'll do to me if they find out it's missing? Or any idea what I'll do to you? Because I guarantee that whatever Team Rocket does to me, I'll pay back to you tenfold!

[Yes, he apparently just outed himself as a Rocket to everyone watching the video. As if it wasn't already painfully obvious.]

Now go! Get out of here! And don't come back until you find it!

[Done with that, he turns around, notices the Pokegear, and just...stops, staring at it. If his expression were visible, he'd be looking horrified right now.]

What? How did this get here? Wraith, were you playing with my things again?

[And after picking up the Gear.]

This was recording? Sssso everyone saw....no! This is a complete disaster!

{OOC: So yeah, Cobra sure did out himself as a Rocket. And as to what's missing...it's nothing. There'll be an OOC post and another post later this month/early next month explaining more of what's going on, but basically he's up to no good again and trying to be sneakier about it. Keyword here is trying. And this was approved by both Sunny and Alex!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSSO MANY SHUPPETSSSSS)
[The video coming from Cobra's Gear today looks like several of his prior videos. He's seated at a desk, looking right at the camera. The eyes under the hood might look a little strange, almost like a Shuppet's, but other than that, same old Cobra Commander as always.

On the desk is the odd Halloween treat bag, and it's possible Cobra's going to talk about it, or maybe about the ghost swarms, or maybe about any of the weird stuff going on the for the last few weeks, but...he doesn't. He just stares at the camera, not saying a word. After staring long enough that it might seem entirely possible Cobra messed up and this is a photograph not a recording, something really strange happens.

Cobra's head, hood and all floats off his shoulders and flutters around the screen before zooming off camera. And soon after, the feed ends. Halloween may be over, but Cobra's Shuppet really couldn't resist playing a trick on everyone.]


[Audio, about 30 minutes later]

[And that everyone apparently includes Cobra judging from the amount of yelling going out over the Gear now.]

Who did thissssssss? Who dared to break into my house, stuff my uniform with paper, and sssssteal my hood? I demand to know who was responsible for thissss! And how you got past my defenses! That should be impossible! I sssswear I will find you, and when I do I'll make you regret ever pulling thissss stupid prank!
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[Video A]
[Today’s the 8th. That means another video (or three) from Cobra. He’s standing next to a building in Pallet Town wearing what appears to be a winter coat despite the fact that it’s May. And he doesn’t seem to be very happy about his demands being met.]

I had thought that the threat of complete annihilation would be enough to get what I want. Apparently, I was wrong. Apparently mere words are not enough to convince you all to make the right decisions even when those words come from someone such as myself. Sssso since I failed to convince you with words, you now leave me no choice but to offer a demonstration of what I’m capable of.

[And with that, Cobra produces a small remote from his pocket and pushes a button.]

Keep an eye on your PokéGears. Ssssoon you shall have proof that my threats were far from empty!

[Video B]
[About fifteen minutes after the first broadcast ends, there’s a second video from Cobra. Same location as before, but there appears to be some sort of freak storm going on. Hail, lightning, high winds, and even some snow. Cobra’s keeping his Pokémon off screen and separated in order to make it look as natural as possible. Or well as natural as a freak ice storm in early May can be.

And the whole time this is going on, Cobra’s cackling like an idiot again. Unfortunately, this goes on for quite a while before he cuts the feed.]


[Video C]
[Tired of Cobra yet? Yes? Too bad. There’s a third video sometime later, showing the aftermath of the storm. Nothing’s leveled or anything like that, but the Pokémon equivalent of Home Depot is probably going to be pretty busy over the next couple weeks or so.]

Take a good look at thisss! Take a good look and remember that next time, it will be wor-

[Okay, hang on, there’s something off screen taking up most of Cobra’s attention.]

Under arrest? Is thissss some sort of joke? You dare arrest me?

[After several minutes of arguing and trying to threaten his way out of this, Cobra’s finally handcuffed.]

You can’t do thissss to me! You’ll pay for thissss! I have rights! I want a lawyer! You’ll pay for thisss!

[And with that, Cobra’s final video for the day comes to a close.]

{OOC: Okay, here’s the attack/arrest that goes with this. Just let me know which video(s) are being responded to. If anyone’s actually in Pallet Town, feel free to encounter Cobra or one of his Pokemon. He has Castform, Vanilluxe, Electrode, Drifblim, Gyarados, and Abomasnow with him.

Additionally, responses to Video C will be coming from Cobra's jail cell!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSTOP LAUGHING AT ME)
[The video today is somewhat different from Cobra’s normal videos. For one, it’s outside. Two, he hasn’t really gone to any lengths to hide his location. Lavender Town’s music can clearly be heard in the background. Three, he has the camera pointed to the sky.]

Look!

[He’ll just leave it on as the sun sets and the moon rises, displaying…the same moon there always is. At this point, the video begins to resemble a usual Cobra broadcast since he’s not very happy about whatever it is he was trying to show.]

What? Imposssible! I distinctly remember-

[A bunch of scattered things, but he’s pretty sure the moon was involved somehow.]

Why is there nothing there? Thisss can't be!

[And Cobra shuts off the Gear there since whatever he wanted to show people isn’t there. Apparently he wasted several minutes of the viewer's time for nothing.]

{OOC: So since we’re allowed to remember things from this 4th Wall, Cobra Commander remembers flying towards the moon with the intent of doing something. What exactly that was and whether he succeeded or not is unfortunately something he doesn’t really recall. He’s going to assume he succeed though because he can’t see how he could fail at anything!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
[The following broadcast from the Commander is audio only, and he is definitely not in a good mood about things. Then again that’s what happens when he expects victory and instead gets defeat. Especially when said defeat was seen by an entire stadium’s worth of people.]

Allow me to make one thing perfectly clear: that idiot won out of luck, not sssskill!

[He is of course, referring to his tournament match against Crow Hogan. Which was won using a smart strategy, not luck!]

Luck! That’s all! There’s no way he could’ve have beaten me otherwise! No way! And not one of you had better say anything different! Or else! One thing’s for ssssure though, I’m going to enjoy watching his next opponent, whoever it may be, wipe the floor with him!

[The transmission ends there.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DESTRO PICK UP THE PHONE RIGHT NOW)
[Hey Johto, Kanto! Guess who finally got out of that Well, hopped on his Skarmory, and plans on never returning to Azalea Town again?

Cobra Commander has video on, and is using one of those nondescript Rocket base rooms again. Also, he’s still in a noticeably bad mood after the past few days.]


First of all, while I was …detained over the past few days, I received at least three messages full of ssssome garbage about Beedrills and crushes and I don’t even remember what else! But it was ssstupid and reading them was a waste of my time! Those of you who decided to ssspend your time sending me this ridiculous nonsense should consider yourselves lucky that I have no way of finding out who you are! Otherwise, you would regret the decision to send those messages for the rest of your natural lives!

[His life was already sucking by being trapped in the well. Hearing about his true crush and Skuntanks didn’t exactly make things better.]

Now then, as you all should remember, I promised to attack the place I hate the most in Johto! And I did! No doubt you were all out sssearching, probably even in that horrible weather, trying to ssstop me! And you failed! So without any further delay, allow me to reveal my plan!

[Despite what he said, he’s going to delay the announcement for dramatic effect.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Okay, now!]


I poisoned the Slowpoke Well! And there’s nothing any of you can do about it now!

[There’s the usual villainous laughter from Cobra as the feed ends.]

Private Text to Kato )

58 | Audio

Sep. 11th, 2012 03:20 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DON'T YOU DARE!)
When are these sssstorms going to end?

[For those listening in, there’s the typical cave music and…splashing? Also some sounds that could be the noise from Grimers moving around.]

This is ridiculoussss! I’ve devoted countless hours to planning my attack, and now I can’t do anything! Not a sssingle thing!

[Cobra’s way too mad to bother with lying or trying to not look completely harmless here.]

How could thisss happen a second time? I haven’t been here in years, and yet the ssssame thing happens that happened last time! This is no mere coincidence! No, it can’t be! It had better not be! So help me if I find out that any of you or your Pokémon are responsssible for this, there will be consequences! Dire consequences!

[What follows next is a rather odd noise. The sound of a combat boot connecting with and sinking into muck. It seems that at that the end of his fit, Cobra Commander decided to kick his Grimer, and now his foot is stuck.]

What is thissss? Unhand me at once! Right now! I’m your trainer, and you will do as I ssssay!

[There’s a thud as the Grimer lets go and Cobra hits the ground. Unfortunately, the Gear also hits the ground, ending the audio broadcast there.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T PAY MY LEASE)
After several months of research, I have revised my list of targets. However, before I get into that, I would first like to pose a question to our sssscience team. How long is thissss-

[The Commander lifts up the side of his hood. Anyone expecting to see his face is probably going to be disappointed since all that’s exposed is a small portion of his cheek. This happens to be covered in black and purple splotches. He lets the camera linger on it for a moment before pulling his mask back down.]

Going to last? My powers disappeared a while ago, and these are still here! When are they going to go away? I want an answer! And before I get to thisss list, those of you already handling our various enemies need to report in with your progress! Or I may be forced to consider reassigning your targets to other members! Now then, here is the new list!

[The Pokegear is grabbed and turned towards a piece of paper lying on Cobra’s desk. It reads as follows:
The List ) ]

Study thisss list, gather information, and learn what we’re up against! Remember, knowing is half the battle! And the other half is crushing anyone who dares oppose us!

51 | Video

Jun. 23rd, 2012 01:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THISSSSSSS)
[The feed displays one Cobra Commander. One Cobra Commander who apparently doesn’t care about hiding his location today. He’s in an office, and it’s the same one the Rockets have seen on his last video, but it may be a somewhat hard to figure out since the camera’s shaking back and forth. Also, he’s yelling. Really loudly. If this office wasn’t part of Team Rocket, there’d probably be an officer en route to issue citations for disturbing the peace.]

Look at thissss! Look at it!

[The camera swings around to show an open crate. It’s rather large, but doesn’t seem to have much in it. There are some scraps of colored paper on the bottom of it, and that’s about it.]

Thisss crate was carrying very important cargo and one of you had the audacity to sssteal it! And not just ssteal it, but leave me thisss…this garbage in its place!

[Yet another camera turn to a desk, clearly Cobra Commander does not care if anyone gets motion sickness from his rage fueled camerawork. On top of the desk are several items, and he takes the time to focus on each one of them. The first is an overturned sack and an assortment of play money, some of it shredded into confetti. The second is a plastic disc, similar to HM02. The third is an obviously fake deed for Cianwood City. Now that everyone’s gotten a good look at this stuff, the Commander finally turns the camera to his face, and he's definitely not done yelling yet.]

One of you decided to steal my property and replace it with thisss junk! And I have a very good idea of who it was sssince they were stupid enough to leave a note! And you will pay! You will pay dearly! I will recover my property and make sure you ssssuffer for your little joke! On earth I’ve held the world hostage and brought nations to their knees! I’ve committed numerous criminal acts here in Johto, and all of that will pale in comparison to what I’m going to do when I find you! All of them! I’ll use every connection I have in Johto and Kanto to have you found and destroyed! And if anyone tries to help you or get in my way, then they’ll suffer the sssame fate! Or worse!

And to that brat who thought he could assault me and get away with it, I haven’t forgotten about that! I’ll get you too! Remember that! No one attacks Cobra Commander and gets away with it! Especially not you!

[He could go on and on, but he'll cut the feed there. Being attacked and robbed in the same week has done wonders for his temper.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT'SSSSS THAT OVER THERE)
It has been twenty four hours, and I am not one million dollars richer. Nor I am the owner of the HM Fly. And I’m definitely not the owner of a city! So you leave me no choice!

[There’s a click as he pushes the button, but no giant explosion. Inside the Game Corner, a lone bomb goes off taking out a slot machine and doing light damage to the wall and things around it, but that’s it.]

What? Where is my explosion? Did they actually- Impossible! This is unacceptable!

[The sound of the remote hitting the wall and cracking can be heard.]

Make no mistake about thisssss Johto! There will be consequences for thissss! Dire consequences!

[The feed cuts out here.]

35 | Video

Feb. 14th, 2012 04:42 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[The camera’s focusing on a half-eaten box of chocolates and a mysterious Pokemon egg, but something’s pretty off with the Commander’s voice. He’s still yelling, but he doesn’t sound as angry as he usually does. In fact he sounds happy. Very happy. As if having his security breached for the umpteenth time is just the most wonderful thing ever.]

Who put thissss here? I want a name! And where did this egg come from? Why does this keep happening?

[And then he starts laughing. It stops after a few minutes. Sort of. He’s still giggling while he talks.]

And why can I sssstop acting like this? Have I been drugged? What’s going on? Someone-

[And back to uncontrollable laughter again.]

Ssssomeone explain this right now!

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