cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (AND THEN I TOOK OVER ENGLAND)
[Oh hey everyone. Today's video displays a Pokemon Center with some weird nasty purple fog pooling around the floor. And Cobra standing in front of the counter, acting like he owns the place. Which he apparently now does. But he'll get to that in a minute.]

When we last sssspoke, I promised that everything I ssssaid last time still applied. And for thossse of you incapable of remembering, that included a vow to take the world. Sssince then, one idiot has chosen to try and sssteal my thunder, but I don't care.

[Which is why he was bugging Blake about. Because that's totally how you show you don't care, right?]

And the reason I don't care is because I have done far more than ssstand on a soap box and proclaim myself leader. I have done far more than anyone here has every done! Because you sssee, as of thisss moment, this Pokemon Center, and the island it is built on, belongs to me.

[He'll let that sink in for a moment.]

And I know sssssome of you no doubt will choose to believe otherwise. Your missstake. And ssssome of you may believe and choose to try and take what is now mine. That will also be your missstake.

[Because he's already come close to sinking one ferry earlier today, he won't hesitate to try again.]

To those of you with ssssome sense, I would hope that you can sssee the opportunity created today. For thisss is the first ssstep and the firssst part of what will grow to become a gloriousssss Cobra Empire!

[And he's going to start laughing before cutting the feed.

{OOC: So here's the actual takeover post that goes with the information posted here!]

101 | Video

Mar. 1st, 2015 07:50 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (BEING SSSSSNEAKY)
[Today we have Cobra Commander on the Gear, looking well, about the same as always. It's hard to figure out where he is, but judging from the bgm and the metal walls, a ship is probably a good guess? But which ferry? Or cruiseliner? That's the question.]

I've decided that after my unfortunate...outburssst last month, that a change of sssscenery was overdue.

[That's not really an apology for screaming at everyone in private and public, but it's certainly something at least?]

And it has done wonders for providing me with a new outlook on life.

[Though...what that means isn't exactly a conversation for today.]

However, everything I sssssaid last time still applies. Everything.

[In other words, he's still furious.]

And ssssome of it will apply ssssooner than you think.

[Having been as cryptic as possible, he kills the feed there. He'll answer any responses of course, but as to what he's talking about, he'll keep that under his hood for now.]

{OOC: Curious as to what this is about? Head over here for more info!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[There's a bit of a change from his last few broadcasts since Cobra Commander's not out blowing stuff up again today. No, he's just sitting in one of those miscellaneous office rooms he tends to broadcast from when he's not out causing problems for everyone.

Of course that doesn't mean he's can't cause problems from here because well, that's his intention for today.]


For the past few months, I have been tesssting a project that I have sworn is unlike anything else that has been developed in thissss world before! And some of you have chosen to make a mockery of my geniusssss. Those of you who have done ssso have chosen poorly.

[Because today's finally the day he's going to attack right?]

Because two weeks from today, there will be no more demonstrations. Two weeks from today, I will use my invention to attack a target of my choosing! And you will all be completely incapable of doing anything about it!

[...oh, apparently he's going to drag this out a bit longer.]

In one week's time I will announce my demands and the target I have ssselected. Feel free to sssspend the next week or so dwelling on what they could be or the missssguided notion that you can sssstop me!

[And the feed ends after way too much evil laughter from Cobra.]

{OOC: Still taking signups for people to shoot him down if anyone's interested!}

95 | Video

Dec. 1st, 2014 02:21 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!)
No! No! No! No! No!

[...that sure is Cobra Commander throwing a fit in what appears to be Azalea Town. Apparently he's not happy everything's back to normal now.]

I don't care if thissss happens all the time, this is unacceptable! Completely unacceptable! I want my command center back and I want it back now! I dissstinctly remember having one!

[ He remembers a building and pushing buttons. Something may have been launched. That's about it. He doesn't even remember where it was, which leads to his next demand.]

And directions to where it is! Because it certainly wasn't in thissss miserable place!

[Yup, for the record, he still hates Azalea Town. In fact...]

If anything, ssssomeone should raze thisss stupid town to the ground and replace it with something useful!

[He's not going to do that today though. No, instead he's probably going to fly out of here right away and go somewhere that doesn't inspire him to cause new acts of stupidity.]

94 | Video

Nov. 17th, 2014 01:27 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
[Cobra's off in what appears to be a wooded area today. There's a house off to the side which...doesn't really do much to identify where he is, but still, a house!]

Greetings citizens of Johto, Kanto. It's been ssssome time since I've had reason to addresssss you all like this.

[Technically, he just made a broadcast last month, but that's not really what he's talking about. ...but on a possibly related note, it has been a few months since he attacked that news station.

And he's still showing off that house in the background. Look, he rented it. He wants you all to see what he does with his money.]


Over the years certain individuals, myssself among them, have perpetrated various acts of violence and terrorism on thissss world, usually utilizing either Pokemon...or more conventional methods, ssssuch as that little war waged in Ecruteak the other day.

[Or maybe it wasn't so little, doesn't really matter. Cobra wants to talk about Cobra and his accomplishments today, not what that “Seth” guy is doing over in Ecruteak.]

Sssso I've decided that it's time to try something new. A blending of conventional weaponry and Pokemon as it were. A project I've dubbed Project M.E.T.A.L.!

[Magnetic Emission Tactical Assault Laser, if anyone's curious and doesn't feel like asking. A fancy name for...shooting things with Magnezones. Or what are going to one day be Magnezones.]

Of course, at this point, we all know that actions ssssspeak far louder than words, sssso I've arranged for a little demonstration.

[Okay, so now the house is going to come into play, since Cobra's focusing on it with the camera.]

Ready...aim...fire!

[And from off camera comes a beam of some sort that's uh...well, if anyone's seen Flash Cannon, sort of like that. Except it's a bit larger since it's about six of them aligned to fire together and impact the wall of that house.

...the house that he rented just to do this. Yup. This is what Cobra Commander does with his money.

With that demonstration done, he'll switch to audio until he gets over there, so enjoy the background music for the Mahogany area and the sound of Cobra walking for a moment.

Okay, it's live again and there's a lovely view of the wrecked wall as well as the interior of the room behind the wall which looks blasted all to hell. It could be worse, but suffice to say, he is not getting his deposit back. But enough about that, he's going to turn the camera to himself so he can address everyone personally.]


No doubt ssssome of you are unimpressed. But consider thisss a taste of things to come. The finished product will be much more devastating, and I guarantee it will be unlike anything this world has ever ssssseen!

[And he'll just cackle into the camera before ending the feed because that's his usual way of ending these things.]

{OOC: So, as you some of you might have noticed, Cobra's been mentioning that he's been working on something for the last few months. This is part of it! When it's all finished in a couple of months or so, there'll definitely be more information on it and the chance to foil his stupid evil, okay mostly stupid, plan. So this is basically phase one of a much larger stupid thing.

And this was mod approved by Sunny and Alex!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Aside from the Pokegear's ID being Cobra's, there's not a lot here worth mentioning. The device seems to be broadcasting from someone's hand, providing a weird side view of...what appears to be a giant pile of trash. Or a Garbodor if the viewer's familiar with what the side of a shiny Garbodor looks like from this angle.

Audiowise, there's not a lot worth mentioning. Background music. And the cameraman asking the person off camera if some Pokemon belong to anyone inside the news building. After being told no, the sssslightly familiar ssssounding camerman, turns to leave...when the pile of trash darts forward, and the feed ends with the sound of an explosion.

About an hour later, there's a brief audio message from the same Pokegear.]


Let thisss be a lesson to those who would dare to broadcast trash like that bogusss description, and a reminder of what can happen to those who dare crosssss me!

[Yes, he blew up a pile of trash and then called EV News trash. Yes, he thought it was clever. And no, he doesn't care if people think otherwise.]

{OOC: So here's the attack that was initially mentioned here! Like the link says, after the explosion, he teleported back to Vermilion with his Pokemon, so he'll be getting away with this one!}

88 | Video

Jun. 11th, 2014 06:59 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE)
I would like to issssue a formal complaint about that sssso called news report that I'm sure all of you have seen by now. I have absolutely no idea why they would issue such a missssleading report, but despite that description, that was not me! I had nothing to do with any of that!

[As far as he knows anyway.]

I wasn't even in Goldenrod City at the time of the attack!

[That part's true.]

Sssso it is beyond me why these reporters would take it upon themsssselves to report ssssomething so obviously false! And I don't care where that description came from! I'm not going to allow my name to be sssslandered by them, the police, or anyone else! Essspecially for crimes I didn't commit!

[If he had his army of evil lawyers here, he would've already filed a ridiclous amount of lawsuits over this, but all he can do for now is yell at things.]

And if it's not sssslander, and there's some idiot out there trying to impersssonate me again, then whoever you are, you have made a very grave missstake. A mistake that I promise you will regret for the resssst of your soon to be completely miserable life!

[The feed ends there since Cobra's done screaming at the camera for now.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Today's video is Cobra Commander, who appears to be back in his usual blue outfit. With another prom over and done with, his one decent set of clothes has disappeared into whatever closet it lives in for most of the year.]

I would like to set the record straight about a few things that happened over the weekend. First, ssssome of you may have seen me doing the unthinkable at that ridiculoussss gathering. Yes, I was in fact...

[Hang on. He's having trouble actually putting this into words. The indignity of it all.]

Fine! I'll come out and sssay it. I was washing dishes!

[There. He said it.]

But what I would like to make completely clear is that I was not forced to! Yessss, I was told to, but if I had decided not to go along with it, I could have easily refused! In fact, I could have made sure that no one ever asked me to do ssssuch a menial chore again!

[Overreacting? Nope, not him.]

Which brings me to the second thing I would like to point out. If anyone, anyone at all thinks they can force me to some ridiculousssss chore again, I don't care who they are, I will make sure that they regret ever attempting to do so!

[The feed ends there, so apparently that's it.]

84 | Video

Feb. 25th, 2014 06:37 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSSTEP RIGHT UP)
[Today we have some lovely footage of a Bloober moving around on Cobra's desk. Luckily, he had the sense to put down some plastic sheeting before letting the Bloober move (bloob?) around on it. Otherwise, he'd be throwing a tantrum about his desk being ruined by slime.]

I am going to assume most you know what these things are, and as you may have noticed none have been spotted in the wild for a few days now.Either they are extremely rare, or there are simply none left in either region. Sssso if you were planning to catch one, finding one could prove to be an extremely difficult, if not imposssible task.

But you aren't entirely out of luck! I happen to have obtained a number of these creatures and would be more than happy to ssssell them to anyone wanting to own one.

[He caught ten of them thinking he could something with them, and so far, they don't seem to do anything he finds useful like explode or shoot lasers, so he's done with this little experiment.]

Now given that the creatures are as rare as they are, and with seemingly no eggs on the market, I think it's only fair to ssssell them for a high price. Therefore, I will accept nothing lower than P100,000 per creature.

[He pulled that number out of thin air, but hey nine or ten of them at P100,000? That's a lot of money he can waste on stupid Cobra things.]

And before any of you complain or attempt to haggle, need I remind you that if they remain unsold, I will find another use for them. Target practice, perhaps.

[And that's where the feed ends.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Today was supposed to be the big day for Cobra. The day when everything went right. Certainly not the day where it rained on the morning on his attack, making it a pain to record video or take photos. And certainly not the day where his metal bird got shot out of the sky by Raichu. He was actually glad there wasn't any footage of that.

Really, it'd been a mixed bag at best. He'd done some damage, but retreat and recovery had been a complete disaster. Hopefully, the others did better.]


This morning the Vermilion City Gym was the target of a carefully planned aerial attack by Cobra forces. Let this be a reminder to you all that I can sssstrike anywhere at anytime. Anywhere! Without warning if I sssso choose!

[And not that he really feels like it, but there's some villainous laughter at the end of the public feed. Now to check in with the others.]

[Private Audio to Attack Volunteers]

By now your attacks should be underway, if not already finished. So I demand to know the results of them. Report in as ssssoon as you hear thissss message! And you better have succeeded!

75 | Video

Aug. 29th, 2013 02:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[There's a face or lack thereof on the Gear today that hasn't been around in a while. Cobra Commander's making his first broadcast since June, and for that matter, seems to have missed the memo that it's currently August.]

Thisss month is almost over. And next month brings a very important day, one that any Americans here would be extremely familiar with: the Fourth of July! Independence Day!

[Yeah, he still hasn't checked the date on this thing.]

And even though Johto and Kanto don't celebrate thisss holiday, I sssee no reason to let thisss occasion pass without some sort of celebration! Therefore, to mark that day, I've decided to sssstage a fireworks demonstration! Yessss, a Cobra sponsored fireworks demonstration sssset in a major city! And there's nothing anyone can do to ssssstop it!

[And Cobra's broadcast concludes with some evil laughter before the screen goes black.]

{OOC: Had to take a hiatus for the past two months due to some family stuff, but I'm back now. Cobra's been glitched to explain where he was, which is why he thinks it's still late June.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DESTRO PICK UP THE PHONE RIGHT NOW)
[It’s time for the voluntary blackout, but judging from Cobra’s video, he doesn’t seem to be participating. And it’s not that he didn’t hear about it, it’s just that he doesn’t care. But since Cobra’s sick of hearing about it, he’s going to tell everyone how much he doesn’t care.]

Good evening, I have no doubt that by now many of you are busy participating in thisss ridiculous blackout. As you can probably ssssee, I am not. Why? Sssimply because I don’t feel like it! This is complete and utter nonsense! I would ask who cares about the mating habits of sssome bugs, but clearly many of you misguidedly do.

And contrary to what you may think, I’m not making this broadcast to tell you what a sssstupid idea it is, or that you’re all idiots, despite the fact that very many of you are and it is incredibly ssstupid. No, I would merely like to tell you to enjoy being able to voluntarily shut off the lights while you ssstill can. Because you never know when someone might put them out permanently!

[And now that he’s delivered yet another vague threat with no real intention of following up on it, he’ll cackle and cut the feed.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DESTRO PICK UP THE PHONE RIGHT NOW)
[Hey Johto, Kanto! Guess who finally got out of that Well, hopped on his Skarmory, and plans on never returning to Azalea Town again?

Cobra Commander has video on, and is using one of those nondescript Rocket base rooms again. Also, he’s still in a noticeably bad mood after the past few days.]


First of all, while I was …detained over the past few days, I received at least three messages full of ssssome garbage about Beedrills and crushes and I don’t even remember what else! But it was ssstupid and reading them was a waste of my time! Those of you who decided to ssspend your time sending me this ridiculous nonsense should consider yourselves lucky that I have no way of finding out who you are! Otherwise, you would regret the decision to send those messages for the rest of your natural lives!

[His life was already sucking by being trapped in the well. Hearing about his true crush and Skuntanks didn’t exactly make things better.]

Now then, as you all should remember, I promised to attack the place I hate the most in Johto! And I did! No doubt you were all out sssearching, probably even in that horrible weather, trying to ssstop me! And you failed! So without any further delay, allow me to reveal my plan!

[Despite what he said, he’s going to delay the announcement for dramatic effect.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Okay, now!]


I poisoned the Slowpoke Well! And there’s nothing any of you can do about it now!

[There’s the usual villainous laughter from Cobra as the feed ends.]

Private Text to Kato )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOW I AM GOING TO POINT AT THINGSSSS)
[Unless someone really likes the background music for Route 36, there's not much worth listening to in the background.]

It’s a shame that I can’t ssstay longer. I’ve always liked Violet City. After all, that was the first place I chose to prove that I am not the harmless joke some of you idiots ssstill incorrectly seem to think that I am! And believe me, I can do it again! From what I’ve ssseen the security in thisss town is as lax as ever!

[There’s nothing but route music for a few moments while he calms down. He wasn’t planning on making this broadcast to yell at everyone, so he’d like to get things back on track.]
But I digress. The reason I’m taking the time out of my busy day to ssspeak with you all is to announce that I have defeated the Violet City Gym! It was an overwhelming victory! In fact, you could say that I even conquered it!

[Just in case that was too subtle, he’ll clarify.]

And while I realize that most of you don’t care about my victory, I’m curious what a certain someone who made a certain bet has to sssay about it!

[Without bothering to explain who, Cobra cuts the feed.]

Private Text to Kato )

47 | Audio

May. 23rd, 2012 07:55 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MANIACAL LAUGH)
[After spending the past week, slumped over in his room unconscious, there were a few things that Cobra Commander should probably be concerned about. But those can wait, because he’d rather turn on his gear and cackle like a madman for the next few minutes over the network.]

Oh, thisss is truly the perfect thing to wake up to. Unlike before, when I was so rudely ripped away from taking back what was rightfully mine; thisss time there wasn’t anything like that! Meaning conquering Johto and making all of you miserable is now my number one priority! This place now has my complete and undivided attention! And that means-

[He stops there, not really feeling up to continuing his tirade at the moment. Spending a week without any sort of food, or any sort of water beyond what his Pokemon could get probably had something to do with that.]

Just think about what that means!

[The feed ends there, and about an hour later, another one starts on the Rocket channel. It’s short and straight to the point.]
Private Audio for Rockets )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME GADGET NEXT TIME)
[The only background noise is the music in Diglett’s Cave. Cobra Commander’s missing out on all the fun looting and pillaging, so at the very least, he feels that it’s his duty to continue antagonizing the good people of Johto.]

Despite your constant refusals, I have finally received the HM for Fly. I know by now you’re all busy with the recent monster attack, but just keep thisss in mind: I can now be anywhere in Johto at any time! Meaning nowhere is safe from attack! Nowhere!

[Those expecting cackling may be disappointed since the feed cuts out right there. It resumes a little while later, but on the Rocket frequency.]

[Private Video for Rockets]
[There isn’t much to see on the video. The signal scrambler’s in the background, so is Trubbish, who much to the Commander’s dismay is goofing off with some Digletts. That’s really about it.]

As you can see, the device is working perfectly on thissss end. No problems yet.

[He’s still grumbling though. The location could be better. Somewhere that didn’t remind him of his first few months as a Grunt would be nice.]

And Gorthan, I really must congratulate you. Bringing the trash to life and having it menace the towns is most impressssive! Though I am curious, I saw sssome Trubbish through the Gear, and they’re coloring is different. Do you know why?

[Yes, he knows the Rockets are busy, but he doesn’t really care.]

Also, Archer, the creatures hatched. I definitely ssssee several uses for them in the future!

And lastly, as I said I received Fly, but apparently another Badge is required to actually use it. Do any of you know which one? I’d ask everyone, but we all know they’d probably lie, and I do not tolerate being lied to!

{OOC: Fly obtained via Saffron Gym. Badge is mod approved.}

42 | Video

Apr. 17th, 2012 10:01 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[By now everything should be in place. All the bombs should have been planted and the package should be en route to or already in Ecruteak. So with everything ready and zero chance of failure, the Commander begins the video, showing himself sitting in the giant oversized snake throne he received for Christmas.]

Before I begin, I would like to clear up a misssconception from my last attack. That being the idea that I am without allies. What I have done today I could not have done alone. I’ll leave it to you people to figure out who could have helped me with sssssuch a thing.

And what thing is that you ask? It’s sssimple really. I said that if my demands weren’t met, there would be more attacks, and they definitely were not meant. And thissss is no gas attack, no this is something worse. Much worse!

[The Commander gets up and grabs something from off camera, before sitting down again. After taking his seat, he holds it up to the camera. It’s a very ordinary looking remote.]

A ssssingle use of this remote will detonate the bombs my associates have placed in the Game Corner unless my demands are met! Cede Cianwood City to me and place a bag with one million dollars the HM for Fly on the roof of the Department Store within the next 24 hours or your precioussss casino gets reduced to rubble!

[The Commander starts laughing, only to stop after a minute and point his finger towards the camera.]

And to those of you who think you’ll stop me, don’t even try it! Not if you value your lives! As we ssspeak one of you is about to be dealt with! And he doesn't even know it! Sssso stay away from the Game Corner or you’ll be next!
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NO ONE ARRESTS COBRA COMMANDER)
And you people say I’m all talk. You should all be ashamed! For all the talk of capturing me, hunting me down, making me pay, and so on, I’m still free. Not only that, but I’ve already made it back to Goldenrod. So much for tracking me. And since it seems that none of my demands were met, I’ve begun planning my next attack! And there’s nothing you can do about it!

Private Audio on Rocket Frequency )

33 | Video

Dec. 25th, 2011 03:06 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I'm lisssssssssssssstening)
[For anyone wandering the halls of the Rocket bases, lots of yelling and scraping can be heard through the door of the Commander’s room.]

Over there! No! A little more to the left! Perfect! That’s perfect! Skull Buster, leave it there!

[When his gear begins broadcasting, it shows the Commander sitting in this chair with the care package in a box on his lap.]

People of the world! Are you enjoying your Christmassss? Enjoy it while you still can!

[Then the laughter starts. It stops soon enough though.]

I demand to know the name of the person responsible for thisss gift! It is abssssolutely exquissssite! Just like the one back home on Cobra Island! Tell me now!

[That's it. Wait, no there's something else he wants to mention.]

Oh, and one last thing, to those of you who received my…gifts, I hope you enjoyed them!

[And more maniacal laughter to close his broadcast.]

{OOC: Yup, instead of something nice and easy to carry around Johto, he gets a giant Cobra throne which poor Machoke will have to carry everywhere.}

30 | Audio

Nov. 2nd, 2011 11:37 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Working on some ridiculous scheme)
Hello, Johto. This is Cobra Commander ssssspeaking. And there’s no need to panic. I don’t plan on harming anyone today. I merely require information about certain individuals in Johto. Two days ago, each of these individuals proclaimed themselves ruler of Johto, and I would like to...convince them otherwise.

[He’ll let that veiled threat sink in before continuing.]

The first individual referred to herself as Queen Minerva Mouse. The second went by the title of King of Hearts. I will reward anyone who provides me with useful information about them, especially their locations. And don't even think about lying to me! Or you'll regret it!

[Click.]

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