86 | Video

May. 21st, 2014 08:29 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
Earlier today while making a new list of targets, something I'm sssure that many of you are already aware that I do, I realized ssssomething.

[Cobra pauses here. It's not every day that he realizes something.]

Most of my enemies are no longer here. What once took up more than a page could now easily fit on a post it note. And if I am lacking in enemies, then that obviously means that I am ssucceeding in removing any obstacles to my eventual conquest of Johto. Even if I'm not actually doing anything about it!

[Victory by default is still victory...right? To Cobra, it is, so he's laughing about it.He'll stop eventually though.]

Of course, just because I don't have to do anything doesn't mean that I'm going to refrain from taking action against thossse who annoy me. There are, after all, ssstill a few nuisances running around here I'd like dealt with. And sssince I'm no longer in Team Rocket, I can hardly ask them to do it, right?

[Yup. He's still sticking to the not in Team Rocket thing.]

Therefore, if anyone is interested in being handsomely rewarded for bringing misfortune to these people, please let me know, and I'll be more than happy to provide you with their names.

[And that's where the video ends.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Today was supposed to be the big day for Cobra. The day when everything went right. Certainly not the day where it rained on the morning on his attack, making it a pain to record video or take photos. And certainly not the day where his metal bird got shot out of the sky by Raichu. He was actually glad there wasn't any footage of that.

Really, it'd been a mixed bag at best. He'd done some damage, but retreat and recovery had been a complete disaster. Hopefully, the others did better.]


This morning the Vermilion City Gym was the target of a carefully planned aerial attack by Cobra forces. Let this be a reminder to you all that I can sssstrike anywhere at anytime. Anywhere! Without warning if I sssso choose!

[And not that he really feels like it, but there's some villainous laughter at the end of the public feed. Now to check in with the others.]

[Private Audio to Attack Volunteers]

By now your attacks should be underway, if not already finished. So I demand to know the results of them. Report in as ssssoon as you hear thissss message! And you better have succeeded!

66 | Video

Dec. 30th, 2012 09:54 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MANIACAL LAUGH)
[Today’s video shows one side of a room, with donation boxes lined up along the wall. The same boxes that for the past few weeks have been out on the streets, just sitting there in the hopes that people will contribute something to help the needy. And after the recent legendary rampage, there’s certainly a lot more need for such a thing than there was before.

Too bad that the contents aren’t going to anyone deserving, which might be clear once Cobra steps on screen.]


By now these should look familiar to mosssst of you. Several of these boxes were left in various areas, in the hopes that ssssomeone would contribute their hard earned money or items in a misssguided attempt to help those less fortunate. While such actions are typically considered noble by ssssociety, this was nothing more than stupidity on your parts!

And why, you may ask, was it ssstupid? Because! None of these items are going to charity! And before any of you accuse me of theft, they never were! I haven’t ssstolen anything! Merely collected the receptacles I had delivered in the firsssst place! That’s right. There’s no benevolent company or charitable organization behind this! There never was! The entire thing was always a Cobra operation!

[There’s no cackling here since apparently Cobra has more to say.]

But I couldn’t have done thisss alone. No, of course not. Which is why in return for their excellent assistance, I will be making a rather large donation to Team Rocket. The donation will of course, come from the proceeds so generously donated to Cobra by all of you. And that is something I want all of you to think about.

Think about what your charity and ssso called Christmas ssspirit have gotten you! Or perhaps I should say what it will get you! The answer, for those of you too ssstupid to figure it out, is more acts of terror! Acts of terror funded by your generous donations! Perhaps next time you’ll think twice before deciding to help sssssomeone! After all, they could just be exploiting your compassion and generosity like I did!

[And now there’s the obligatory evil laughter to end Cobra’s broadcast.]

{OOC: And here’s the reveal of the scheme detailed in this post.}

60 | Video

Oct. 15th, 2012 05:59 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MANIACAL LAUGH)
[For the first time in almost a month, Cobra Commander is making a video broadcast for everyone in Johto to see. He’s hiding out in a room in Blackthorn, but has made sure to conceal anything that would pinpoint his whereabouts. The camera’s pointed at the room’s desk, specifically at the complete set of Johto badges sitting on top of it.]

And that makes eight. For being the last one, I expected more of a challenge, but I suppose that was too much to ask for. You would think that a Gym Leader would be prepared to deal with level 100 Pokémon, but apparently not.

[It had been a relatively close battle until Cobra Commander brought in some of his level 100 Pokémon to finish off Clair’s team. Having thirty levels on the opponent’s Pokémon provided an advantage he definitely wouldn’t have had otherwise.]

But my complete obliteration of Johto’s Gyms over the course of a year is hardly the only thing I want to talk about today.

[He’ll reposition the camera now so it’s pointing at his mask, which means he wants to address the audience.]

I take it you all ssstill remember the recent environmental disaster in Azalea Town?

[Which sounds way more impressive than just saying he poisoned the Slowpoke Well.]

Well, I have some information to reveal about that. A certain idiot decided to go help clean up the mess. I’m not sure who knows him, but he made a rather angry broadcast directed at me soon after it happened.

[Cobra pauses here. He wants to be as dramatic as possible with this one. He wants other people to think he’s responsible for this even though he’s not. ]

It was his last!

[He’ll just let that sink in before continuing.]

As some of you may have noticed, Zulf’s gear signal stopped being registered some time ago! And I assure you it is no coincidence that it happened after he decided to expose himself to the various toxins contaminating Sssslowpoke Well. No, it’s no coincidence at all! Merely a reminder of what my Pokémon, and by extension what I, Cobra Commander, am capable of! Let that be a lesson to those who get in my way!

[It is actually a coincidence, but Cobra’s not going to let that stop him from filling the rest of the video with maniacal laughter until it ends.]

{OOC: Olivine, Mahogany, and Blackthorn badges were all mod approved over the past month or so! And Cobra taking advantage of Zulf's disappearance was cleared with the mun!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (COSTUME CHANGES FOR EVERYONE!)
[The screen shows water. Water as far as the eye can see. Cobra Commander takes a moment to turn around showing off water, water, and guess what? More water. He’s standing on a tiny island on the right side of Route 21, but has no idea where that is. And tiny might not do it justice, there’s barely enough room for him and the six Arboks that have replaced his team to stand on.

He turns the camera to his face and reveals a rather odd change of clothes and begins speaking. Judging from his tone, he’s managed to turn a horrible negative into a positive.]

Good evening, Johto! I would like all of you to see this wonderful moment! The moment where I, Cobra Commander claim a piece of thissss wretched land as my own! Behold! Cobra Island! The first of many Cobra ssstrongholds throughout this world! Try and take it from me if you dare!

[With a cackle, he hits the button and closes the feed.]

44 | Text

Apr. 29th, 2012 02:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[Private Text to Stitch]
Contact me as soon as you get this. We need to talk about that job I offered.

[Private Text to Rockets]
If you’ve made any progress with that list, report in.

[It’s only been a few days, but the Commander’s already expecting some sort of results. After all, the way he sees it, these Rockets should be devoting any and all spare time they have to investigating and eliminating the threats he announced earlier in the week.]

[Public Audio to All of Johto]
Once again, all the people who swore I’d pay for my crimes have completely failed at bringing me to any sort of justice. For thisss, I applaud your efforts Johto. You’ve managed to reach a new level of incompetence that even I, Cobra Commander, thought was imposssssible!

[Instead of cackling, there’s a round of applause before the audio cuts out.]

28 | Video

Sep. 28th, 2011 12:16 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Telling you about my ridiculousss scheme)
[For once the feed isn’t focused on the Commander at all. Instead he has it turned toward the Goldenrod City Gym, which is currently sporting a relatively solid layer of ice over its doors.]

Excellent work Ice-Viper! Now they’ll never escape! Never!

[After some evil laughter, the Commander turns the camera towards his face.]

Johto! Consider this the first example of what my forces can do! And trust me, there will be others! Don’t even think about trying to capture me either or I’ll deal with you too!

[The feed clicks off after the final threat. He doesn’t want anyone to see where he’s going next.]

{OOC: Since he's trying his hardest to get away with this, the Commander also had Spikes scattered north of Goldenrod to try and discourage anyone from following. Which, like everything else he does in Johto, should be nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

Replies from the Commander will probably be Audio.}

27 | Video

Aug. 17th, 2011 03:34 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Your stupidity is hilarioussssss)
[Not much to see here besides the Plain Badge in Cobra Commander’s hand.

As far as the sounds being broadcast, there’s the Commander’s triumphant laughter. Lots of it. It’s practically drowning out the Goldenrod City music.]

Behold! Another glorious victory for the forces of Cobra!

[After being shown off for everyone in Johto. to see, the Plain Badge is thrown into his bag.]

Are all the gym leaders this pathetically easy? I thought they were supposed to be difficult!

{OOC: Badge is mod approved.}

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