cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHO LEFT THE DOOR OPEN AGAIN?)
2015-05-29 04:33 pm

105 | Action | Fourth Wall

[Well, it's that time of year again, the time where anything and everything goes absolutely crazy and nothing makes sense.

So Cobra's got his island on full alert because this is probably the most likely time for something chaotic and ridiculous to happen. He's already told his NPC goons to be on their guard and to get ready to repel any invaders, but who knows how well that'll work since it's fourth wall and they'll get warped in and out or their Pokemon will suddenly be Magikarps with only Splash or something else will happen.

Cobra himself is going to barricade himself inside the house he uses as a command center which is a terrible idea because once again this is fourth wall and someone could just warp or glitch in there or Godzilla could show up and step on it, and...

And basically, there's no way this isn't a ridiculous disaster in the making, and it's probably for the best that fourth wall damage doesn't stick around long term.

Because odds are, there's going to be a lot of that.]

{OOC: Please feel free to attack and make a mess of his island. I'll be more than happy to throw Cobra and other things your way in return.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SHOULD BE BEHEADED FOR SSSSTUPIDITY)
2015-02-13 10:28 am

100 | Video

[After an incredibly long absence, for Cobra anyway, Cobra Commander's made his return to the Pokegear. And he's in one of those weird nondescript rooms the Goldenrod Rocket base is apparently full of.

And there'd be some nostalgia over the fact that he hasn't broadcasted from here in quite some time, but he's too busy being mad.]


I sssspent months of planning, months of making sure everything was perfect! Only to fall victim to not just the handiwork of a couple of do-gooders, but of a ssssaboteur! But make no misstake, I am in no means deterred from continuing to do whatever I can to try and make thissss world mine! No prison, no act of ssssabotage, no ssself appointed heroes, nothing will ssstop me! Nothing!

[He's basically angrily shaking his fists at the camera. Wow.]

In fact, I will not ssstop until the world is mine, or the day I depart from thissss world! So if I were all of you, I would hope the latter happens sssssoon enough!

[And that's the end of his public tirade. Now if you're a Rocket, there'll be a message for you guys as well.]
Private Rocket Video )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
2014-07-11 12:19 pm

90 | Video/Audio

[Aside from the Pokegear's ID being Cobra's, there's not a lot here worth mentioning. The device seems to be broadcasting from someone's hand, providing a weird side view of...what appears to be a giant pile of trash. Or a Garbodor if the viewer's familiar with what the side of a shiny Garbodor looks like from this angle.

Audiowise, there's not a lot worth mentioning. Background music. And the cameraman asking the person off camera if some Pokemon belong to anyone inside the news building. After being told no, the sssslightly familiar ssssounding camerman, turns to leave...when the pile of trash darts forward, and the feed ends with the sound of an explosion.

About an hour later, there's a brief audio message from the same Pokegear.]


Let thisss be a lesson to those who would dare to broadcast trash like that bogusss description, and a reminder of what can happen to those who dare crosssss me!

[Yes, he blew up a pile of trash and then called EV News trash. Yes, he thought it was clever. And no, he doesn't care if people think otherwise.]

{OOC: So here's the attack that was initially mentioned here! Like the link says, after the explosion, he teleported back to Vermilion with his Pokemon, so he'll be getting away with this one!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE)
2014-06-11 06:59 pm

88 | Video

I would like to issssue a formal complaint about that sssso called news report that I'm sure all of you have seen by now. I have absolutely no idea why they would issue such a missssleading report, but despite that description, that was not me! I had nothing to do with any of that!

[As far as he knows anyway.]

I wasn't even in Goldenrod City at the time of the attack!

[That part's true.]

Sssso it is beyond me why these reporters would take it upon themsssselves to report ssssomething so obviously false! And I don't care where that description came from! I'm not going to allow my name to be sssslandered by them, the police, or anyone else! Essspecially for crimes I didn't commit!

[If he had his army of evil lawyers here, he would've already filed a ridiclous amount of lawsuits over this, but all he can do for now is yell at things.]

And if it's not sssslander, and there's some idiot out there trying to impersssonate me again, then whoever you are, you have made a very grave missstake. A mistake that I promise you will regret for the resssst of your soon to be completely miserable life!

[The feed ends there since Cobra's done screaming at the camera for now.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSEATBELTS ARE FOR LOSERS)
2013-05-08 06:05 pm

71 | Video/Action for Pallet Town

[Video A]
[Today’s the 8th. That means another video (or three) from Cobra. He’s standing next to a building in Pallet Town wearing what appears to be a winter coat despite the fact that it’s May. And he doesn’t seem to be very happy about his demands being met.]

I had thought that the threat of complete annihilation would be enough to get what I want. Apparently, I was wrong. Apparently mere words are not enough to convince you all to make the right decisions even when those words come from someone such as myself. Sssso since I failed to convince you with words, you now leave me no choice but to offer a demonstration of what I’m capable of.

[And with that, Cobra produces a small remote from his pocket and pushes a button.]

Keep an eye on your PokéGears. Ssssoon you shall have proof that my threats were far from empty!

[Video B]
[About fifteen minutes after the first broadcast ends, there’s a second video from Cobra. Same location as before, but there appears to be some sort of freak storm going on. Hail, lightning, high winds, and even some snow. Cobra’s keeping his Pokémon off screen and separated in order to make it look as natural as possible. Or well as natural as a freak ice storm in early May can be.

And the whole time this is going on, Cobra’s cackling like an idiot again. Unfortunately, this goes on for quite a while before he cuts the feed.]


[Video C]
[Tired of Cobra yet? Yes? Too bad. There’s a third video sometime later, showing the aftermath of the storm. Nothing’s leveled or anything like that, but the Pokémon equivalent of Home Depot is probably going to be pretty busy over the next couple weeks or so.]

Take a good look at thisss! Take a good look and remember that next time, it will be wor-

[Okay, hang on, there’s something off screen taking up most of Cobra’s attention.]

Under arrest? Is thissss some sort of joke? You dare arrest me?

[After several minutes of arguing and trying to threaten his way out of this, Cobra’s finally handcuffed.]

You can’t do thissss to me! You’ll pay for thissss! I have rights! I want a lawyer! You’ll pay for thisss!

[And with that, Cobra’s final video for the day comes to a close.]

{OOC: Okay, here’s the attack/arrest that goes with this. Just let me know which video(s) are being responded to. If anyone’s actually in Pallet Town, feel free to encounter Cobra or one of his Pokemon. He has Castform, Vanilluxe, Electrode, Drifblim, Gyarados, and Abomasnow with him.

Additionally, responses to Video C will be coming from Cobra's jail cell!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DON'T YOU DARE!)
2012-09-11 03:20 pm

58 | Audio

When are these sssstorms going to end?

[For those listening in, there’s the typical cave music and…splashing? Also some sounds that could be the noise from Grimers moving around.]

This is ridiculoussss! I’ve devoted countless hours to planning my attack, and now I can’t do anything! Not a sssingle thing!

[Cobra’s way too mad to bother with lying or trying to not look completely harmless here.]

How could thisss happen a second time? I haven’t been here in years, and yet the ssssame thing happens that happened last time! This is no mere coincidence! No, it can’t be! It had better not be! So help me if I find out that any of you or your Pokémon are responsssible for this, there will be consequences! Dire consequences!

[What follows next is a rather odd noise. The sound of a combat boot connecting with and sinking into muck. It seems that at that the end of his fit, Cobra Commander decided to kick his Grimer, and now his foot is stuck.]

What is thissss? Unhand me at once! Right now! I’m your trainer, and you will do as I ssssay!

[There’s a thud as the Grimer lets go and Cobra hits the ground. Unfortunately, the Gear also hits the ground, ending the audio broadcast there.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!)
2012-07-03 07:50 pm

52 | Audio

[Cobra Commander’s sticking with audio only for the public portion of this broadcast. After all, there are only so many hiding places in Cianwood City. He won’t be here much longer and plans to be on the next ferry to Olivine, but still, one can’t be too careful.]

First! After days of sssearching, I have recovered what was stolen from me! If you thought hiding it here would keep me from finding it, then you were sorely missstaken!

Sssecond! I overheard a very interesting ssstory in one of the Pokémon Centers. It ssssems someone has been spreading lies about me, and I will not tolerate being ssslandered! I want you to know this, whoever you are! Today you have made a powerful enemy and you will regret doing so!

Third! Mr., what was his name?

[There’s the sound of rummaging and papers being moved around as the Commander looks for a certain name.]

Mr. Xehanort, was it? If you’re still here, contact me immediately!

[End of public feed]
Private Audio on the Rocket Channel )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THISSSSSSS)
2012-06-23 01:51 pm

51 | Video

[The feed displays one Cobra Commander. One Cobra Commander who apparently doesn’t care about hiding his location today. He’s in an office, and it’s the same one the Rockets have seen on his last video, but it may be a somewhat hard to figure out since the camera’s shaking back and forth. Also, he’s yelling. Really loudly. If this office wasn’t part of Team Rocket, there’d probably be an officer en route to issue citations for disturbing the peace.]

Look at thissss! Look at it!

[The camera swings around to show an open crate. It’s rather large, but doesn’t seem to have much in it. There are some scraps of colored paper on the bottom of it, and that’s about it.]

Thisss crate was carrying very important cargo and one of you had the audacity to sssteal it! And not just ssteal it, but leave me thisss…this garbage in its place!

[Yet another camera turn to a desk, clearly Cobra Commander does not care if anyone gets motion sickness from his rage fueled camerawork. On top of the desk are several items, and he takes the time to focus on each one of them. The first is an overturned sack and an assortment of play money, some of it shredded into confetti. The second is a plastic disc, similar to HM02. The third is an obviously fake deed for Cianwood City. Now that everyone’s gotten a good look at this stuff, the Commander finally turns the camera to his face, and he's definitely not done yelling yet.]

One of you decided to steal my property and replace it with thisss junk! And I have a very good idea of who it was sssince they were stupid enough to leave a note! And you will pay! You will pay dearly! I will recover my property and make sure you ssssuffer for your little joke! On earth I’ve held the world hostage and brought nations to their knees! I’ve committed numerous criminal acts here in Johto, and all of that will pale in comparison to what I’m going to do when I find you! All of them! I’ll use every connection I have in Johto and Kanto to have you found and destroyed! And if anyone tries to help you or get in my way, then they’ll suffer the sssame fate! Or worse!

And to that brat who thought he could assault me and get away with it, I haven’t forgotten about that! I’ll get you too! Remember that! No one attacks Cobra Commander and gets away with it! Especially not you!

[He could go on and on, but he'll cut the feed there. Being attacked and robbed in the same week has done wonders for his temper.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
2012-04-17 10:01 am

42 | Video

[By now everything should be in place. All the bombs should have been planted and the package should be en route to or already in Ecruteak. So with everything ready and zero chance of failure, the Commander begins the video, showing himself sitting in the giant oversized snake throne he received for Christmas.]

Before I begin, I would like to clear up a misssconception from my last attack. That being the idea that I am without allies. What I have done today I could not have done alone. I’ll leave it to you people to figure out who could have helped me with sssssuch a thing.

And what thing is that you ask? It’s sssimple really. I said that if my demands weren’t met, there would be more attacks, and they definitely were not meant. And thissss is no gas attack, no this is something worse. Much worse!

[The Commander gets up and grabs something from off camera, before sitting down again. After taking his seat, he holds it up to the camera. It’s a very ordinary looking remote.]

A ssssingle use of this remote will detonate the bombs my associates have placed in the Game Corner unless my demands are met! Cede Cianwood City to me and place a bag with one million dollars the HM for Fly on the roof of the Department Store within the next 24 hours or your precioussss casino gets reduced to rubble!

[The Commander starts laughing, only to stop after a minute and point his finger towards the camera.]

And to those of you who think you’ll stop me, don’t even try it! Not if you value your lives! As we ssspeak one of you is about to be dealt with! And he doesn't even know it! Sssso stay away from the Game Corner or you’ll be next!
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NO ONE ARRESTS COBRA COMMANDER)
2012-03-23 07:02 pm

39 | Text + Private Audio

And you people say I’m all talk. You should all be ashamed! For all the talk of capturing me, hunting me down, making me pay, and so on, I’m still free. Not only that, but I’ve already made it back to Goldenrod. So much for tracking me. And since it seems that none of my demands were met, I’ve begun planning my next attack! And there’s nothing you can do about it!

Private Audio on Rocket Frequency )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSURROUNDED BY INCOMPETENCE)
2012-02-21 02:04 pm

36 | Video

[Much like his last video, Cobra’s camera is focused on the mysterious egg he got for Valentine’s Day. The egg seems to be close to hatching since several cracks are visible in the shell and the sounds of something moving inside can be heard.]

Are you all watching thisssss? Pay attention! I want everyone ssssee what comes out of this! That way everyone can get a good long look at the newest member of Cobra!

[After some more cracking, the egg hatches and reveals…



After staring at it for a few moments, Cobra Commander decides that this thing isn't a Pokemon at all. No, it's clearly a busted trash bag someone drew eyes on and shoved inside a Pokemon egg. What other conclusion could there be?]

What is thissss? Is thisss some sort of joke? Who puts garbage in an egg? What idiot is responsible for this? Ugh, it ssssmells horrible! Horrible! When I find out who did this I'm going to..I'm going to...they'll regret doing thissss that's for sure!

[Following his rant, the Commander ends the broadcast.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Working on some ridiculous scheme)
2011-11-02 11:37 pm

30 | Audio

Hello, Johto. This is Cobra Commander ssssspeaking. And there’s no need to panic. I don’t plan on harming anyone today. I merely require information about certain individuals in Johto. Two days ago, each of these individuals proclaimed themselves ruler of Johto, and I would like to...convince them otherwise.

[He’ll let that veiled threat sink in before continuing.]

The first individual referred to herself as Queen Minerva Mouse. The second went by the title of King of Hearts. I will reward anyone who provides me with useful information about them, especially their locations. And don't even think about lying to me! Or you'll regret it!

[Click.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Your stupidity is hilarioussssss)
2011-04-01 05:50 pm

22 | Video

[The sound of rain can be heard, but the Commander had the sense to broadcast indoors. His tone indicated this is actually important and not a usual rant.]

People of the world, I demand your immediate attention! I have an extremely important announcement to make. Quite possibly the most important announcement in the history of Johto!

[There’s a snort from behind his mask, which is immediately followed by the feed being killed for a few moments. When it resumes, the Commander seems to have regained his composure.]

Effective immediately, Cobra is no more. I understand now that it is impossible to conquer this world and will stop trying. From this moment forward, please consider me an ordinary citizen, no more important or dangerous than the rest of you. That is all.

Oh wait, there is one more thing. April Fools, you morons! I’m not giving up anything! If anything I have even more reasons to take over Johto than I did before! And none of you can stop me!

[He proceeds to cackle hysterically, like this is the funniest thing in the world to him.]

{OOC: Canon update successful (One week, plus a few days), so Cobra Commander’s back to yell and scream and fail at everyone.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Ssso help me I'll turn this thing around)
2011-02-07 03:04 pm

20 | Video

[As usual the video opens from one of the many nondescript rooms Cobra Commander uses for temporary bases.]

Citizens of Johto, some time ago I offered you a simple proposition: accept me as ruler of the world or face the consequences. Unfortunately, most of you did not accept my rule. Unfortunately for you, that is! I said there would be consequences, and consequences there will be! I’ve already dealt with two of you, and in due time, all of you who mocked me, who derided me, who chose to question my authority, will suffer a similar fate in due time! Unless I am paid 1 million dollars by the end of the week, I will continue to exact my revenge on any who has ever disrespected me!

Private to Members of Team Rocket )