cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Today's going to be one of those rare days where Cobra Commander makes a video broadcast and isn't complaining about anything or threatening to blow up something or any of that. Because none of that is important right now. What is important though is the subject of today's address, which he'll get to soon enough.]

Five years. In a few days it will be five years ssssince I've arrived in this world. I'm ssssure some of you can't even begin to imagine being here for that long. And yesss, I know, some idiot just went on about this subject a while ago, but what I have to sssay is far more important.

[Because he apparently can't be nice about anything even if he's not threatening you all.]

Anyway, five years ago, I would have assumed that by now, thisss world would have fallen under my control. Within a year, two maybe. I certainly couldn't have envissioned that almost five years would pass before I'd conquered sssso much as a mere island. Which isn't to ssssay that I'd be disappointed with myssself, merely that five years ago I couldn't have even begun to anticipate the ridiculoussss going ons that have occurred over the last five years.

[Legendaries, Team Rocket stuff, Kanto just sort of...appearing, fourth walls, and all sorts of other crazy things.]

And I can only assume that the next five years will be full of ssssome sssort of equally unimaginable chaos.

[Like...he doesn't know. Maybe it'll rain Magikarps for a month or something. Or everyone will get warped into the Ice Path. ...or maybe there'll be a gun Pokemon since there's sword Pokemon now. Who knows? The point is that he can't even begin to guess what sort of crazy Pokemon shenanigans could happen.]

However, I can guarantee one thing. Yessss, one thing is absolutely certain! And that is that it will not take me another five years to finish conquering the globe! I guarantee that within the next five years, the entire Pokemon world will belong to me! To Cobra Commander!

[...and that's apparently how he commemorates being here that long. By reaffirming his intent to rule the world and by cackling like a lunatic until he ends the transmission.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (AND THEN I TOOK OVER ENGLAND)
[Oh hey everyone. Today's video displays a Pokemon Center with some weird nasty purple fog pooling around the floor. And Cobra standing in front of the counter, acting like he owns the place. Which he apparently now does. But he'll get to that in a minute.]

When we last sssspoke, I promised that everything I ssssaid last time still applied. And for thossse of you incapable of remembering, that included a vow to take the world. Sssince then, one idiot has chosen to try and sssteal my thunder, but I don't care.

[Which is why he was bugging Blake about. Because that's totally how you show you don't care, right?]

And the reason I don't care is because I have done far more than ssstand on a soap box and proclaim myself leader. I have done far more than anyone here has every done! Because you sssee, as of thisss moment, this Pokemon Center, and the island it is built on, belongs to me.

[He'll let that sink in for a moment.]

And I know sssssome of you no doubt will choose to believe otherwise. Your missstake. And ssssome of you may believe and choose to try and take what is now mine. That will also be your missstake.

[Because he's already come close to sinking one ferry earlier today, he won't hesitate to try again.]

To those of you with ssssome sense, I would hope that you can sssee the opportunity created today. For thisss is the first ssstep and the firssst part of what will grow to become a gloriousssss Cobra Empire!

[And he's going to start laughing before cutting the feed.

{OOC: So here's the actual takeover post that goes with the information posted here!]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SHOULD BE BEHEADED FOR SSSSTUPIDITY)
[After an incredibly long absence, for Cobra anyway, Cobra Commander's made his return to the Pokegear. And he's in one of those weird nondescript rooms the Goldenrod Rocket base is apparently full of.

And there'd be some nostalgia over the fact that he hasn't broadcasted from here in quite some time, but he's too busy being mad.]


I sssspent months of planning, months of making sure everything was perfect! Only to fall victim to not just the handiwork of a couple of do-gooders, but of a ssssaboteur! But make no misstake, I am in no means deterred from continuing to do whatever I can to try and make thissss world mine! No prison, no act of ssssabotage, no ssself appointed heroes, nothing will ssstop me! Nothing!

[He's basically angrily shaking his fists at the camera. Wow.]

In fact, I will not ssstop until the world is mine, or the day I depart from thissss world! So if I were all of you, I would hope the latter happens sssssoon enough!

[And that's the end of his public tirade. Now if you're a Rocket, there'll be a message for you guys as well.]
Private Rocket Video )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Yep, it's Cobra again. But wait, don't touch that dial because today is actually the day he does stuff! Which might become obvious because when the video starts he seems to be...in the air, standing on some sort of metal thing. So yep, stuff's happening today.

Now, in theory, he should probably be preoccupied with the Rocket text that went out a couple days ago, but he's not postponing his plans just because the admins decided they want them all to do things. He's Cobra Commander, and he does things on his schedule, not anyone else's.

Unless of course they force him to stick to their schedule, but that's not the point today!]


I thought that this time...thissss time, you all might have actually understood what I was up to and had the ssssense to meet my demands. Obvioussssly, I was wrong.

[Wow, Cobra actually admitted he was wrong.]

So sssince no one seems to understand what a game changer my device is, allow me to provide the final demonstration of Project M.E.T.A.L.'s power!

[Cobra steps towards the edge of the platform and...that sure is the Cherrygrove Spa down there. Yup.]

Lock On!

[There's no visible effect or anything, but the Magnezones under the platform have locked on to their target.]

Fire!

[And suddenly six Zap Cannons rain down, all hitting the target and pretty much wrecking that poor spa. Nobody's getting any treatments there any time soon, that's for sure.]

I trust that you now underssstand the power I possess!

[He'll just back away from the edge now.]

But it's an underssstanding that has come far too late! Because you've failed to meet my demands, the ressst of Cherrygrove City can expect the sssame fate!

[From somewhere behind Cobra, there's a weird detaching noise followed by the sound of something falling and then um...impacting the ruins of the spa.]

What?!

[He'll just disconnect the feed there. No sense in showing the whole world what went wrong and ruining any villain cred he's just gained.]

{OOC: The log for the people wrecking the machine is here! Have fun guys!

And responses to this might be slow over the next couple of days due to my laptop needing repairs, but I'll try be around as much as I can!

And yes, the damage to the spa was approved by Alex and Sunny!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[There's a bit of a change from his last few broadcasts since Cobra Commander's not out blowing stuff up again today. No, he's just sitting in one of those miscellaneous office rooms he tends to broadcast from when he's not out causing problems for everyone.

Of course that doesn't mean he's can't cause problems from here because well, that's his intention for today.]


For the past few months, I have been tesssting a project that I have sworn is unlike anything else that has been developed in thissss world before! And some of you have chosen to make a mockery of my geniusssss. Those of you who have done ssso have chosen poorly.

[Because today's finally the day he's going to attack right?]

Because two weeks from today, there will be no more demonstrations. Two weeks from today, I will use my invention to attack a target of my choosing! And you will all be completely incapable of doing anything about it!

[...oh, apparently he's going to drag this out a bit longer.]

In one week's time I will announce my demands and the target I have ssselected. Feel free to sssspend the next week or so dwelling on what they could be or the missssguided notion that you can sssstop me!

[And the feed ends after way too much evil laughter from Cobra.]

{OOC: Still taking signups for people to shoot him down if anyone's interested!}

96 | Video

Dec. 23rd, 2014 11:22 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (RECIPE FOR DISSSASTER)
[For those who are watching and have been to Cinnabar Island, the subject of Cobra's video is that construction site that's been constructing ever since Kanto became available all those years ago. ...or before that who knows? For those who've never been there, it's a construction site in a mysterious location. Which appears to be closed for the day.]

When we last ssssspoke like this, I demonstrated my latest innovation for all of you.

[...yup, he sure is pretending the tantrum that happened in between this and that didn't happen.]

And I believe I mentioned that the finished product would be far more devastating. Fortunately for you all, that day has not yet come.

[Soon though, at the rate this is going.]

Sssso today, I've arranged a second demonstration of Project M.E.T.A.L. for your viewing pleasure. So without further delay, fire!

[And from off camera, there's a barrage of Zap Cannons that...sort of whites out the view for a moment. When the feed resumes with an amazing shot of the ground, Cobra picks the camera back up to show...well, some of that construction equipment's definitely wrecked. There's a decent sized gouge in the ground where one of the blasts went off target, and who knows where some of the other ones went. Curse that 50% accuracy.]

I believe that was should be considered far more impressive than merely knocking down a wall as some of you put it before. And jussst remember! The worst is yet to come!

[The public feed ends there, and a few minutes later, there's a private feed on the Rocket channel.]
Private Video on the Rocket Frequency )

{OOC: So this is part two of the thing Cobra's been working on. He's still ICly putting things together at this point, but in January, you can expect an OOC post with information about what exactly he's doing and how you guys can ruin his plans for him! So keep an eye out for that if you're interested!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Aside from the Pokegear's ID being Cobra's, there's not a lot here worth mentioning. The device seems to be broadcasting from someone's hand, providing a weird side view of...what appears to be a giant pile of trash. Or a Garbodor if the viewer's familiar with what the side of a shiny Garbodor looks like from this angle.

Audiowise, there's not a lot worth mentioning. Background music. And the cameraman asking the person off camera if some Pokemon belong to anyone inside the news building. After being told no, the sssslightly familiar ssssounding camerman, turns to leave...when the pile of trash darts forward, and the feed ends with the sound of an explosion.

About an hour later, there's a brief audio message from the same Pokegear.]


Let thisss be a lesson to those who would dare to broadcast trash like that bogusss description, and a reminder of what can happen to those who dare crosssss me!

[Yes, he blew up a pile of trash and then called EV News trash. Yes, he thought it was clever. And no, he doesn't care if people think otherwise.]

{OOC: So here's the attack that was initially mentioned here! Like the link says, after the explosion, he teleported back to Vermilion with his Pokemon, so he'll be getting away with this one!}

88 | Video

Jun. 11th, 2014 06:59 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE)
I would like to issssue a formal complaint about that sssso called news report that I'm sure all of you have seen by now. I have absolutely no idea why they would issue such a missssleading report, but despite that description, that was not me! I had nothing to do with any of that!

[As far as he knows anyway.]

I wasn't even in Goldenrod City at the time of the attack!

[That part's true.]

Sssso it is beyond me why these reporters would take it upon themsssselves to report ssssomething so obviously false! And I don't care where that description came from! I'm not going to allow my name to be sssslandered by them, the police, or anyone else! Essspecially for crimes I didn't commit!

[If he had his army of evil lawyers here, he would've already filed a ridiclous amount of lawsuits over this, but all he can do for now is yell at things.]

And if it's not sssslander, and there's some idiot out there trying to impersssonate me again, then whoever you are, you have made a very grave missstake. A mistake that I promise you will regret for the resssst of your soon to be completely miserable life!

[The feed ends there since Cobra's done screaming at the camera for now.]

86 | Video

May. 21st, 2014 08:29 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
Earlier today while making a new list of targets, something I'm sssure that many of you are already aware that I do, I realized ssssomething.

[Cobra pauses here. It's not every day that he realizes something.]

Most of my enemies are no longer here. What once took up more than a page could now easily fit on a post it note. And if I am lacking in enemies, then that obviously means that I am ssucceeding in removing any obstacles to my eventual conquest of Johto. Even if I'm not actually doing anything about it!

[Victory by default is still victory...right? To Cobra, it is, so he's laughing about it.He'll stop eventually though.]

Of course, just because I don't have to do anything doesn't mean that I'm going to refrain from taking action against thossse who annoy me. There are, after all, ssstill a few nuisances running around here I'd like dealt with. And sssince I'm no longer in Team Rocket, I can hardly ask them to do it, right?

[Yup. He's still sticking to the not in Team Rocket thing.]

Therefore, if anyone is interested in being handsomely rewarded for bringing misfortune to these people, please let me know, and I'll be more than happy to provide you with their names.

[And that's where the video ends.]

84 | Video

Feb. 25th, 2014 06:37 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SSSSSTEP RIGHT UP)
[Today we have some lovely footage of a Bloober moving around on Cobra's desk. Luckily, he had the sense to put down some plastic sheeting before letting the Bloober move (bloob?) around on it. Otherwise, he'd be throwing a tantrum about his desk being ruined by slime.]

I am going to assume most you know what these things are, and as you may have noticed none have been spotted in the wild for a few days now.Either they are extremely rare, or there are simply none left in either region. Sssso if you were planning to catch one, finding one could prove to be an extremely difficult, if not imposssible task.

But you aren't entirely out of luck! I happen to have obtained a number of these creatures and would be more than happy to ssssell them to anyone wanting to own one.

[He caught ten of them thinking he could something with them, and so far, they don't seem to do anything he finds useful like explode or shoot lasers, so he's done with this little experiment.]

Now given that the creatures are as rare as they are, and with seemingly no eggs on the market, I think it's only fair to ssssell them for a high price. Therefore, I will accept nothing lower than P100,000 per creature.

[He pulled that number out of thin air, but hey nine or ten of them at P100,000? That's a lot of money he can waste on stupid Cobra things.]

And before any of you complain or attempt to haggle, need I remind you that if they remain unsold, I will find another use for them. Target practice, perhaps.

[And that's where the feed ends.]

82 | Video

Dec. 29th, 2013 07:04 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (RIDICULOUSSSS SSSSNAKE THRONE)
[Apparently Cobra Commander's going for theatrics with his broadcast today since he's sitting in the giant snake throne he got a couple years back. His faceplate's back on since whoever stole it decided to return it. Which is something he'll probably want to deal with later, but not today. No, today's video is going to be focusing on something much more important.]

In my world, there exissssts a form of military strategy known as mutually assured destruction, which operates under the assumption that if one side strikes the other, both will be wiped out. For the last few months, this has been the ssssituation with myself and with Team Rocket. But sssuch a strategy can only last for so long, so ssssooner or later we were bound to come to some sort of agreement.

[From the side of his chair, Cobra produces a bunch of papers, none of which are close enough to the camera to be readable, and admittedly don't say anything sensible at all really. Just pages and pages of random sentences, but from this distance, it should look official enough.]

I won't bore you all with the details, but in exchange for returning most of their property, I've been granted immunity from further reprisals. Notice I ssssaid most of their property. Contrary to what ssssome of you may think, I am not stupid enough to hand over my only bargaining chip and trussst the word of Team Rocket.

[Yeah, let's just...try and stop the questioning of Cobra's intelligence before it starts this time. Probably won't work, but he tried.]

And just as I am not ssstupid enough to completely trust them, they are not ssstupid enough to trust me. But being a man of my word, I encourage them to, if they feel I've tampered with their rockets in any way, to test them out as sssssoon as possible. And if they choose to test them out on the rest of you, then I can hardly be held responssssible for their choice of targets. Or if I choose to take advantage of the chaossss caused by said tests to further my own ends.

[And there's the end of the public feed, followed by an incredibly short Rocket broadcast a few moments later.]

[Video. Locked to Rockets.]
To those with their assignments, you may begin your final preparations.

{OOC: Still have two targets here if anyone's interested!}

76 | Video

Sep. 17th, 2013 04:57 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FASSSE)
[Cobra's not in that weird office room he tends to use for broadcasts today. No, today he seems to be recording from what looks like a house. And the focus isn't on himself, but instead what appears to be an assorted pile of junk. There's a backpack that has definitely seen better days, a sleeping bag, and oddly enough, six jars of Combee honey.]

If this was meant to be a gift or sssssome sort of appeasement, then I suggest that next time you try offering ssssomething I would actually want! Not thisss...thisss garbage!

But this is hardly the reason for me addressing you today, no, I have ssssomething far more important to discuss!

[And now the camera's back to him.]

No, I would like to discuss....Pokemon eggs! Or more sssspecifically the sale of them! Do you people ever think about who you're selling them to? Or what they're going to be used for? After all, these things are basically weapons, and you have no restrictions on them, no checks to ensue that the buyer is ssssomeone who can be trusted with such a thing, or even that they are who they ssssay they are!

Case in point, I've purchased a number of eggs from the lot of you, ssssome under fake identities, and some without any ssssort of false pretense whatsoever, and allow me to show you what your oh ssso generous unregulated Pokemon egg industry has given me!

[There's a Pokeball being held up to the camera now.]

Inside this ball is ssssomething that would be very difficult to obtain on my own. A rather destructive Pokemon, with a moveset the likes of which would take ages to acquire through regular channels! And while I was tempted to show it off at the time of purchase, I chose instead to wait, and reveal it in all of its fully evolved destructive glory!

[There's some fumbling with the camera as Cobra brings the Pokemon out and once the camera focuses, that's definitely a Tyranitar in Cobra's house. A Tyranitar that's roaring. And throwing his arms around. And those arms just took out part of Cobra's wall.]

No you idiot! Ssssstop doing that! Sssstop it! You'll bring the whole place down!

[And the feed cuts there while Cobra tries to keep Tyranitar from wrecking what's left of his house.]

66 | Video

Dec. 30th, 2012 09:54 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MANIACAL LAUGH)
[Today’s video shows one side of a room, with donation boxes lined up along the wall. The same boxes that for the past few weeks have been out on the streets, just sitting there in the hopes that people will contribute something to help the needy. And after the recent legendary rampage, there’s certainly a lot more need for such a thing than there was before.

Too bad that the contents aren’t going to anyone deserving, which might be clear once Cobra steps on screen.]


By now these should look familiar to mosssst of you. Several of these boxes were left in various areas, in the hopes that ssssomeone would contribute their hard earned money or items in a misssguided attempt to help those less fortunate. While such actions are typically considered noble by ssssociety, this was nothing more than stupidity on your parts!

And why, you may ask, was it ssstupid? Because! None of these items are going to charity! And before any of you accuse me of theft, they never were! I haven’t ssstolen anything! Merely collected the receptacles I had delivered in the firsssst place! That’s right. There’s no benevolent company or charitable organization behind this! There never was! The entire thing was always a Cobra operation!

[There’s no cackling here since apparently Cobra has more to say.]

But I couldn’t have done thisss alone. No, of course not. Which is why in return for their excellent assistance, I will be making a rather large donation to Team Rocket. The donation will of course, come from the proceeds so generously donated to Cobra by all of you. And that is something I want all of you to think about.

Think about what your charity and ssso called Christmas ssspirit have gotten you! Or perhaps I should say what it will get you! The answer, for those of you too ssstupid to figure it out, is more acts of terror! Acts of terror funded by your generous donations! Perhaps next time you’ll think twice before deciding to help sssssomeone! After all, they could just be exploiting your compassion and generosity like I did!

[And now there’s the obligatory evil laughter to end Cobra’s broadcast.]

{OOC: And here’s the reveal of the scheme detailed in this post.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (COSTUME CHANGES FOR EVERYONE!)
[The screen shows water. Water as far as the eye can see. Cobra Commander takes a moment to turn around showing off water, water, and guess what? More water. He’s standing on a tiny island on the right side of Route 21, but has no idea where that is. And tiny might not do it justice, there’s barely enough room for him and the six Arboks that have replaced his team to stand on.

He turns the camera to his face and reveals a rather odd change of clothes and begins speaking. Judging from his tone, he’s managed to turn a horrible negative into a positive.]

Good evening, Johto! I would like all of you to see this wonderful moment! The moment where I, Cobra Commander claim a piece of thissss wretched land as my own! Behold! Cobra Island! The first of many Cobra ssstrongholds throughout this world! Try and take it from me if you dare!

[With a cackle, he hits the button and closes the feed.]

44 | Text

Apr. 29th, 2012 02:51 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[Private Text to Stitch]
Contact me as soon as you get this. We need to talk about that job I offered.

[Private Text to Rockets]
If you’ve made any progress with that list, report in.

[It’s only been a few days, but the Commander’s already expecting some sort of results. After all, the way he sees it, these Rockets should be devoting any and all spare time they have to investigating and eliminating the threats he announced earlier in the week.]

[Public Audio to All of Johto]
Once again, all the people who swore I’d pay for my crimes have completely failed at bringing me to any sort of justice. For thisss, I applaud your efforts Johto. You’ve managed to reach a new level of incompetence that even I, Cobra Commander, thought was imposssssible!

[Instead of cackling, there’s a round of applause before the audio cuts out.]

38 | Video

Mar. 15th, 2012 10:49 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
Private Text on Rocket Frequency )

[Cobra Commander has his Gear propped up on a table. He’s standing in front of it, and behind him is a homemade banner, a blue sheet with a crude drawing of the insignia on his outfit.]

For those of you who don’t know who I am, I am Cobra Commander! For those of you who do know, I have no doubt you are reacting in your usual manner. Preparing to laugh at me or better yet, ignore me completely. Well that sssstops right now!

If my demands are not met by tomorrow afternoon, I will carry out more attacks like today’s! Those demands are as follows: 1 million in unmarked bills and the HM for Fly left in a brown bag on the roof of the Goldenrod Department Store, the immediate evacuation of Cianwood City and the creation of a legal document declaring me sole owner of ssssaid city, the immediate release of any Team Rocket members currently held in prison, and, I’m forgetting something, what was it? Oh yes, to be declared absolute ruler of Johto!

As I sssaid earlier, if these demands are not met, there will be more attacks like the one currently in progress. For those not in Violet City, allow me to explain. As we sssspeak, the Pokémon Academy is being flooded with deadly poison gas! And there’s nothing any of you can do to sssstop it! I’ll remind you again, if my demands are not met within the next 24 hours, then you all can expect more attacks in the weeks and months to come!

[The remainder of the feed is just Cobra Commander cackling. It’s a seemingly never ending broadcast of AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA until it finally ends.]

33 | Video

Dec. 25th, 2011 03:06 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I'm lisssssssssssssstening)
[For anyone wandering the halls of the Rocket bases, lots of yelling and scraping can be heard through the door of the Commander’s room.]

Over there! No! A little more to the left! Perfect! That’s perfect! Skull Buster, leave it there!

[When his gear begins broadcasting, it shows the Commander sitting in this chair with the care package in a box on his lap.]

People of the world! Are you enjoying your Christmassss? Enjoy it while you still can!

[Then the laughter starts. It stops soon enough though.]

I demand to know the name of the person responsible for thisss gift! It is abssssolutely exquissssite! Just like the one back home on Cobra Island! Tell me now!

[That's it. Wait, no there's something else he wants to mention.]

Oh, and one last thing, to those of you who received my…gifts, I hope you enjoyed them!

[And more maniacal laughter to close his broadcast.]

{OOC: Yup, instead of something nice and easy to carry around Johto, he gets a giant Cobra throne which poor Machoke will have to carry everywhere.}

23 | Video

Apr. 10th, 2011 01:45 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I FELL DOWN HELP ME UP IDIOTSSSSS)
[The Commander has the gear standing on a table for the moment, and seems very unhappy.]

Skull Buster, pick up the camera. I want this battle broadcast to everyone! Everyone!

[The camera shakes a bit as Machop picks it up and continues filming.]

I will NOT allow Johto to be destroyed by bugs before I have the chance to conquer it! In fact, I will personally remove each and every bug from this area! Sssso watch and learn how a true leader deals with things like thisssss! COBRAAAAAAAAAAA! ATTACK!

[The view shows him run out the door, with the camera view following close behind, only to immediately get hit with a Pineco. The initial hit knocks him down. Pineco follows that up by glowing white and then BOOM! The Commander goes flying towards the camera and the screen goes black when he crashes into it.]

{OOC: Cobra Commander will be responding after Machop drags him inside, and he regains consciousness.}

22 | Video

Apr. 1st, 2011 05:50 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Your stupidity is hilarioussssss)
[The sound of rain can be heard, but the Commander had the sense to broadcast indoors. His tone indicated this is actually important and not a usual rant.]

People of the world, I demand your immediate attention! I have an extremely important announcement to make. Quite possibly the most important announcement in the history of Johto!

[There’s a snort from behind his mask, which is immediately followed by the feed being killed for a few moments. When it resumes, the Commander seems to have regained his composure.]

Effective immediately, Cobra is no more. I understand now that it is impossible to conquer this world and will stop trying. From this moment forward, please consider me an ordinary citizen, no more important or dangerous than the rest of you. That is all.

Oh wait, there is one more thing. April Fools, you morons! I’m not giving up anything! If anything I have even more reasons to take over Johto than I did before! And none of you can stop me!

[He proceeds to cackle hysterically, like this is the funniest thing in the world to him.]

{OOC: Canon update successful (One week, plus a few days), so Cobra Commander’s back to yell and scream and fail at everyone.}

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