91 | Video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[When the feed starts Cobra's...laughing. It probably has something to do with the fact that he's inside and not caught outside in the torrential downpour of Espurrs. And he's not planning on heading outside until this is all over whenever that may be.]

Brilliant! This is brilliant! I was wondering if anyone would ever try ssssomething like this again!

[He goes on laughing on camera for quite a while before realizing that he should probably explain.]

Oh, that's right. I suppose most of you have absolutely no idea what I'm going on about. And thissss time I'll chalk it up to ignorance and not your overwhelming ssstupidity.

[Okay, now that he's insulted everyone watching, he'll explain.]

Ssssome time ago, a rather...unbalanced individual who used to be here, unleashed a rain of exploding Pineco on Goldenrod City causing untold amounts of dessstruction and devessstation! And as far as I know, he was never caught, ssso I've wondered for some time why no one's tried it again!

[Of course he's leaving out the parts where he didn't like said attack stealing his thunder and had a pinecone explode in his face...but Cobra feels things like that are better off being removed from this Johto history lesson.]

Though it is sssslightly disappointing that the persons responsible didn't bother to teach them Explosion before launching them.

Comments

[rarestcandy]

You wouldn't want a cat to explode, though. That'd be gross. These guys're prolly full of, I dunno, purple goo.

[HEY BUDDY.]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Yesss, I suppose that would be disgusting, but that doesn't ssseem to happen when Pokemon explode.

[At least not with the ones he's seen explode.]

[rarestcandy]

What kinds of pokemon have you exploded before, though? You ever get something like a cat doin' that?

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

I'll admit that I haven't sssseen one that can do that yet, but I am hardly an expert on every Pokemon out there.

[rarestcandy]

Well, 'course not, that'd be hard.

[She understands, pal.]

What d'you think makes it so a pokemon can explode, anyway?

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

The move Explosion.

[Oh wait, that's not a good answer.]

Or Sssselfdestruct.

[There. Now it's a perfect answer.]

[rarestcandy]

Yeah, but what makes 'em able to learn that stuff? Pinecones don't explode in real life.

[As far as she knows, anyway.]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

I have absolutely no idea. It is hardly my area of expertisssse.

[rarestcandy]

That's a shame. It'd probably be a really fun area of expertise!

Like, you could have fireworks, or help with demolition, or blow out a mountain and make a huge cave to live in! It'd be like a secret base of explosives and mystery.

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

No, you idiot! I am well versed in using explosssives! I meant the other thing wasn't my area of expertise! Why Pokemon can learn certain moves and why others can't! That!

[rarestcandy]

So what you're saying is that you have a secret base of explosives and mystery in a cave somewhere, huh? Intriguing.

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Not here, I don't. But in my world, I certainly had a base like that! Sssseveral of them in fact!

[rarestcandy]

[...Well she was just kidding, but now she looks really excited.]

That's so cool! You should probably start a place like that here, too. I want to see one!

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Yesss, perhaps I should. I've considered sssuch a thing in the past, but maybe I should take another look at it.

[Now he's definitely going to start scouting locations.]

[rarestcandy]

Promise you'll let me see it when you're done with it, okay? You got to.

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

But then it wouldn't be a sssecret base anymore, now would it?

[rarestcandy]

Awh, come on, man! Secrets aren't fun when you keep 'em all to yourself. And what good is a secret base if you can't hang out with your friends there to plan stuff?

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

...I ssssuppose you do have a point.

[Clearly, he'll have to give this some more thought.]

[rarestcandy]

[HELL YEAH.]

It's been known to happen. And as a fellow base-keeper, I'm highly qualified for the job of secret sharee! So whaddya say, ol' buddy ol' pal?

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

I sssay...that I will make my decision at a later date!

[rarestcandy]

Boo.

[But other than sticking out her tongue, she doesn't press the matter. For now. You won't be safe for long, Cobra Commander...!]