cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 38

[Text to Rockets]
I suggest you all watch what happens next.
[/Text]

[Cobra Commander has his Gear propped up on a table. He’s standing in front of it, and behind him is a homemade banner, a blue sheet with a crude drawing of the insignia on his outfit.]

For those of you who don’t know who I am, I am Cobra Commander! For those of you who do know, I have no doubt you are reacting in your usual manner. Preparing to laugh at me or better yet, ignore me completely. Well that sssstops right now!

If my demands are not met by tomorrow afternoon, I will carry out more attacks like today’s! Those demands are as follows: 1 million in unmarked bills and the HM for Fly left in a brown bag on the roof of the Goldenrod Department Store, the immediate evacuation of Cianwood City and the creation of a legal document declaring me sole owner of ssssaid city, the immediate release of any Team Rocket members currently held in prison, and, I’m forgetting something, what was it? Oh yes, to be declared absolute ruler of Johto!

As I sssaid earlier, if these demands are not met, there will be more attacks like the one currently in progress. For those not in Violet City, allow me to explain. As we sssspeak, the Pokémon Academy is being flooded with deadly poison gas! And there’s nothing any of you can do to sssstop it! I’ll remind you again, if my demands are not met within the next 24 hours, then you all can expect more attacks in the weeks and months to come!

[The remainder of the feed is just Cobra Commander cackling. It’s a seemingly never ending broadcast of AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA until it finally ends.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

To show everyone why my demands should be taken ssseriously!

By poisonin' people? Dude, that's, like, what demons do.

Demons and humans who are willing to do whatever it takes to get what they want!

Doesn't make it something Girl and I can forgive! Isn't that right?

["Growwwwlithe!" Seems his Growlithe agrees.]

Was that supposed to intimidate me? If sssso, you have failed!

Dude, the scariest demon in all Nippon is dead thanks to me. Compared to him, you'll be easy for us to take down!

[...says the kid who's been here a little over a month. :|a]

[Demons, psh. Demons don't exist outside of horror movies and whatnot in his world. How tough could they really be?]

You can try, but I promisssse that you won't like what happens to you and your pathetic puppy!

Take that back! Girl ain't pathetic! She's strong - someday she'll pro'lly even be as strong as Dude was! And it ain't just us, either - there's also Bird Dude, and Green Hat Dude, and Squirrel Dude too!

[...Kurow, your naming sense is awful, stop.]

[He's quiet for a few moments.

And then

Suddenly

CACKLING]

Those are the worst names I've ever heard! And I've heard some terrible names!

Guess you wouldn't know what's really cool if it, like, slapped you in the face or something, dude, 'cause they're awesome names!

I don't care what people think is cool, but I know terrible names when I see them! Those names make a horrid name like Serpentor sound downright creative!

No way! They're way cooler than that! And hang on, what was yours again? "Cobra Commander" or something, right? Like, what kind of lame-o calls himself something stupid like that?

The person in command of the organization known as Cobra! That's who calls himself ssssomething like that!

Dude, if you're, like, so lame that you'll name yourself after your organization? You really need to get a hobby.

It's a title, you idiot. My real name is none of your businesssss! And I have a hobby! It's called taking over the world!

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.

It is not lame!

It totally is.

It is not!

Guess you really are totally blind to what's actually cool, dude.

More like I don't care what morons like you think is cool!

So, like, you're admitting that you're totally uncool!

No I'm not!

Then prove it! And like, you can start with your name.

No!

[And with that, the Commander hangs up.]

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