cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (SHOULD BE BEHEADED FOR SSSSTUPIDITY)
[After an incredibly long absence, for Cobra anyway, Cobra Commander's made his return to the Pokegear. And he's in one of those weird nondescript rooms the Goldenrod Rocket base is apparently full of.

And there'd be some nostalgia over the fact that he hasn't broadcasted from here in quite some time, but he's too busy being mad.]


I sssspent months of planning, months of making sure everything was perfect! Only to fall victim to not just the handiwork of a couple of do-gooders, but of a ssssaboteur! But make no misstake, I am in no means deterred from continuing to do whatever I can to try and make thissss world mine! No prison, no act of ssssabotage, no ssself appointed heroes, nothing will ssstop me! Nothing!

[He's basically angrily shaking his fists at the camera. Wow.]

In fact, I will not ssstop until the world is mine, or the day I depart from thissss world! So if I were all of you, I would hope the latter happens sssssoon enough!

[And that's the end of his public tirade. Now if you're a Rocket, there'll be a message for you guys as well.]
Private Rocket Video )
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HAHAHAHAHA)
[There's a bit of a change from his last few broadcasts since Cobra Commander's not out blowing stuff up again today. No, he's just sitting in one of those miscellaneous office rooms he tends to broadcast from when he's not out causing problems for everyone.

Of course that doesn't mean he's can't cause problems from here because well, that's his intention for today.]


For the past few months, I have been tesssting a project that I have sworn is unlike anything else that has been developed in thissss world before! And some of you have chosen to make a mockery of my geniusssss. Those of you who have done ssso have chosen poorly.

[Because today's finally the day he's going to attack right?]

Because two weeks from today, there will be no more demonstrations. Two weeks from today, I will use my invention to attack a target of my choosing! And you will all be completely incapable of doing anything about it!

[...oh, apparently he's going to drag this out a bit longer.]

In one week's time I will announce my demands and the target I have ssselected. Feel free to sssspend the next week or so dwelling on what they could be or the missssguided notion that you can sssstop me!

[And the feed ends after way too much evil laughter from Cobra.]

{OOC: Still taking signups for people to shoot him down if anyone's interested!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
[Aside from the Pokegear's ID being Cobra's, there's not a lot here worth mentioning. The device seems to be broadcasting from someone's hand, providing a weird side view of...what appears to be a giant pile of trash. Or a Garbodor if the viewer's familiar with what the side of a shiny Garbodor looks like from this angle.

Audiowise, there's not a lot worth mentioning. Background music. And the cameraman asking the person off camera if some Pokemon belong to anyone inside the news building. After being told no, the sssslightly familiar ssssounding camerman, turns to leave...when the pile of trash darts forward, and the feed ends with the sound of an explosion.

About an hour later, there's a brief audio message from the same Pokegear.]


Let thisss be a lesson to those who would dare to broadcast trash like that bogusss description, and a reminder of what can happen to those who dare crosssss me!

[Yes, he blew up a pile of trash and then called EV News trash. Yes, he thought it was clever. And no, he doesn't care if people think otherwise.]

{OOC: So here's the attack that was initially mentioned here! Like the link says, after the explosion, he teleported back to Vermilion with his Pokemon, so he'll be getting away with this one!}

86 | Video

May. 21st, 2014 08:29 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (A REAL AMERICAN HERO)
Earlier today while making a new list of targets, something I'm sssure that many of you are already aware that I do, I realized ssssomething.

[Cobra pauses here. It's not every day that he realizes something.]

Most of my enemies are no longer here. What once took up more than a page could now easily fit on a post it note. And if I am lacking in enemies, then that obviously means that I am ssucceeding in removing any obstacles to my eventual conquest of Johto. Even if I'm not actually doing anything about it!

[Victory by default is still victory...right? To Cobra, it is, so he's laughing about it.He'll stop eventually though.]

Of course, just because I don't have to do anything doesn't mean that I'm going to refrain from taking action against thossse who annoy me. There are, after all, ssstill a few nuisances running around here I'd like dealt with. And sssince I'm no longer in Team Rocket, I can hardly ask them to do it, right?

[Yup. He's still sticking to the not in Team Rocket thing.]

Therefore, if anyone is interested in being handsomely rewarded for bringing misfortune to these people, please let me know, and I'll be more than happy to provide you with their names.

[And that's where the video ends.]
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (NOT AGAIN WHY DOES THISSS KEEP HAPPENING)
[Today was supposed to be the big day for Cobra. The day when everything went right. Certainly not the day where it rained on the morning on his attack, making it a pain to record video or take photos. And certainly not the day where his metal bird got shot out of the sky by Raichu. He was actually glad there wasn't any footage of that.

Really, it'd been a mixed bag at best. He'd done some damage, but retreat and recovery had been a complete disaster. Hopefully, the others did better.]


This morning the Vermilion City Gym was the target of a carefully planned aerial attack by Cobra forces. Let this be a reminder to you all that I can sssstrike anywhere at anytime. Anywhere! Without warning if I sssso choose!

[And not that he really feels like it, but there's some villainous laughter at the end of the public feed. Now to check in with the others.]

[Private Audio to Attack Volunteers]

By now your attacks should be underway, if not already finished. So I demand to know the results of them. Report in as ssssoon as you hear thissss message! And you better have succeeded!

70 | Video

May. 1st, 2013 06:44 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I BELIEVE THISSS CALLS FOR A SSSSPEECH)
Greetings, people of the world.

[Behind Cobra Commander, there appears to be some sort of tarp covered object. There’s no real uniform shape to it, and the tarp does a wonderful job concealing the fact that it’s just a bunch of boxes and assorted junk he’s cobbled together to create the impression that there’s something else under there.]

I assume that many of you are wondering what thisss object behind me is? Well, wonder no longer! Thisss is what will not only assure my victory over the world, but also will be the final argument to convince ssssome of you that I, Cobra Commander, am indeed someone you should all fear!

You see, thanks to ssssome of the greatest minds to ever inhabit this place, I finally have a device capable of harnessing the forces of nature themselves! Think about that means! The weather itself is mine to command! And mine to use against my enemies!

[And it’s the same for anyone else with access to certain Pokémon attacks, but Cobra’s hoping the tarp will distract people from thinking about that.]

But I have no interest in ruling over a frozen or flooded planet. Therefore, I’ll give you all one chance to sssspare yourselves such a fate. Simply turn over one-third of all the eggs in both Johto and Kanto to me and you won’t have to experience the full power of thisss weapon! Refuse and suffer the consequences!

I will give you one week to decide! One week!

{OOC: There’s more information about this here!}

68 | Video

Mar. 17th, 2013 08:27 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (HOGWASSSSH)
[Cobra Commander had planned for this video to be a triumphant announcement of his new alliance with the Fuchsia City Gym. However, since that didn’t happen, any viewers will be greeted by Cobra screaming at the Gear. The background is partially obscured by one of the segments making up his Steelix’s body, but he’s definitely outside.]

I cannot believe thisssss! How dare they! How dare they laugh at me! Is this thing recording? Good! I would like all of you to watch what happens next! Burn thisss into your memory because thisss is what will eventually happen to everyone who dares make a mockery of Cobra Commander! Vilevole! Charge! Ram that building!

[That Steelix is moving, and even though he already announced the target, Cobra turns the camera to show that it’s on a collision course with the Fuchsia City Gym.]

Now! Blow that place to bits! Explosion!

[Once Steelix hits the building, it starts glowing and then…BOOM! The building’s clearly not blown to bits, but Cobra’s still going to consider it a job well done. He’ll just turn the camera back to himself and laugh before ending the feed.]

{OOC: Here’s the Gym attack that was mentioned here! Also for the most part, Cobra will be responding via audio since he doesn’t want anyone to see what direction he’s fleeing in.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (DESTRO PICK UP THE PHONE RIGHT NOW)
[It’s time for the voluntary blackout, but judging from Cobra’s video, he doesn’t seem to be participating. And it’s not that he didn’t hear about it, it’s just that he doesn’t care. But since Cobra’s sick of hearing about it, he’s going to tell everyone how much he doesn’t care.]

Good evening, I have no doubt that by now many of you are busy participating in thisss ridiculous blackout. As you can probably ssssee, I am not. Why? Sssimply because I don’t feel like it! This is complete and utter nonsense! I would ask who cares about the mating habits of sssome bugs, but clearly many of you misguidedly do.

And contrary to what you may think, I’m not making this broadcast to tell you what a sssstupid idea it is, or that you’re all idiots, despite the fact that very many of you are and it is incredibly ssstupid. No, I would merely like to tell you to enjoy being able to voluntarily shut off the lights while you ssstill can. Because you never know when someone might put them out permanently!

[And now that he’s delivered yet another vague threat with no real intention of following up on it, he’ll cackle and cut the feed.]

66 | Video

Dec. 30th, 2012 09:54 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (MANIACAL LAUGH)
[Today’s video shows one side of a room, with donation boxes lined up along the wall. The same boxes that for the past few weeks have been out on the streets, just sitting there in the hopes that people will contribute something to help the needy. And after the recent legendary rampage, there’s certainly a lot more need for such a thing than there was before.

Too bad that the contents aren’t going to anyone deserving, which might be clear once Cobra steps on screen.]


By now these should look familiar to mosssst of you. Several of these boxes were left in various areas, in the hopes that ssssomeone would contribute their hard earned money or items in a misssguided attempt to help those less fortunate. While such actions are typically considered noble by ssssociety, this was nothing more than stupidity on your parts!

And why, you may ask, was it ssstupid? Because! None of these items are going to charity! And before any of you accuse me of theft, they never were! I haven’t ssstolen anything! Merely collected the receptacles I had delivered in the firsssst place! That’s right. There’s no benevolent company or charitable organization behind this! There never was! The entire thing was always a Cobra operation!

[There’s no cackling here since apparently Cobra has more to say.]

But I couldn’t have done thisss alone. No, of course not. Which is why in return for their excellent assistance, I will be making a rather large donation to Team Rocket. The donation will of course, come from the proceeds so generously donated to Cobra by all of you. And that is something I want all of you to think about.

Think about what your charity and ssso called Christmas ssspirit have gotten you! Or perhaps I should say what it will get you! The answer, for those of you too ssstupid to figure it out, is more acts of terror! Acts of terror funded by your generous donations! Perhaps next time you’ll think twice before deciding to help sssssomeone! After all, they could just be exploiting your compassion and generosity like I did!

[And now there’s the obligatory evil laughter to end Cobra’s broadcast.]

{OOC: And here’s the reveal of the scheme detailed in this post.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (COBRAAAAAAAAAAAA ATTAAAAAAACK)
[As if the Pokémon Centers being destroyed yesterday wasn’t enough chaos, Cobra Commander’s decided to launch an attack of his own today. The video feed displays the entrance to the Saffron City Gym, and no, he didn’t ice over someone’s door again. Instead, a Hyper Beam from somewhere behind the camera blasts the doors open. And if the Gear signal wasn’t enough evidence as to the attacker’s identity, Cobra Commander yelling orders probably is.]

Excellent! Now that the entrance is breached, attack! Attack!

[Several of Cobra’s more loyal Pokémon, like Arbok, Abomasnow, and Skarmory can be seen heading through what’s left of the doors before the feed cuts out.]

{OOC: Network responses will be during the attack, and for action, feel free to confront him either inside the Gym where he’s making a mess of things or while he’s trying to make an escape. Just let me know which one!}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[After spending the past few days working through his files and finally learning how the Pokegear version of Caller ID works, Cobra Commander is ready to present his findings. So around this time, he'll be sending out an audio broadcast on the Rocket only channel.]

[Private Audio/Video on the Rocket Frequency]

The following is a list of targets and my recommendations as to what should be done about them.

[The video feed clicks on showing a single page document.]

High Priority Targets (These targets are believed to be an immediate threat to any plans. They should be eliminated on sight unless otherwise noted.):
-The two who disabled the bombs. One goes by the name of Athrun Zala. The other is named Shinn Asuka.
-Lightning Farron: Has apparently threatened Team Rocket. May or may not be working with a group. Verify whether she is or not before eliminating.
-Roy Mustang: Opposed the Magnet Train operation. Military experience. Possesses all eight badges. Approach with extreme caution.

Others Worthy of Investigation:
-Minnie Mouse
-Crow Hogan
-Isaac McDougal
-Emmy Altava


Once again these are only my recommendations, but if someone were to act on these, by all means go right ahead.

42 | Video

Apr. 17th, 2012 10:01 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
[By now everything should be in place. All the bombs should have been planted and the package should be en route to or already in Ecruteak. So with everything ready and zero chance of failure, the Commander begins the video, showing himself sitting in the giant oversized snake throne he received for Christmas.]

Before I begin, I would like to clear up a misssconception from my last attack. That being the idea that I am without allies. What I have done today I could not have done alone. I’ll leave it to you people to figure out who could have helped me with sssssuch a thing.

And what thing is that you ask? It’s sssimple really. I said that if my demands weren’t met, there would be more attacks, and they definitely were not meant. And thissss is no gas attack, no this is something worse. Much worse!

[The Commander gets up and grabs something from off camera, before sitting down again. After taking his seat, he holds it up to the camera. It’s a very ordinary looking remote.]

A ssssingle use of this remote will detonate the bombs my associates have placed in the Game Corner unless my demands are met! Cede Cianwood City to me and place a bag with one million dollars the HM for Fly on the roof of the Department Store within the next 24 hours or your precioussss casino gets reduced to rubble!

[The Commander starts laughing, only to stop after a minute and point his finger towards the camera.]

And to those of you who think you’ll stop me, don’t even try it! Not if you value your lives! As we ssspeak one of you is about to be dealt with! And he doesn't even know it! Sssso stay away from the Game Corner or you’ll be next!

38 | Video

Mar. 15th, 2012 10:49 am
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (CITISSSENS OF THE WORLD)
Private Text on Rocket Frequency )

[Cobra Commander has his Gear propped up on a table. He’s standing in front of it, and behind him is a homemade banner, a blue sheet with a crude drawing of the insignia on his outfit.]

For those of you who don’t know who I am, I am Cobra Commander! For those of you who do know, I have no doubt you are reacting in your usual manner. Preparing to laugh at me or better yet, ignore me completely. Well that sssstops right now!

If my demands are not met by tomorrow afternoon, I will carry out more attacks like today’s! Those demands are as follows: 1 million in unmarked bills and the HM for Fly left in a brown bag on the roof of the Goldenrod Department Store, the immediate evacuation of Cianwood City and the creation of a legal document declaring me sole owner of ssssaid city, the immediate release of any Team Rocket members currently held in prison, and, I’m forgetting something, what was it? Oh yes, to be declared absolute ruler of Johto!

As I sssaid earlier, if these demands are not met, there will be more attacks like the one currently in progress. For those not in Violet City, allow me to explain. As we sssspeak, the Pokémon Academy is being flooded with deadly poison gas! And there’s nothing any of you can do to sssstop it! I’ll remind you again, if my demands are not met within the next 24 hours, then you all can expect more attacks in the weeks and months to come!

[The remainder of the feed is just Cobra Commander cackling. It’s a seemingly never ending broadcast of AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA until it finally ends.]

33 | Video

Dec. 25th, 2011 03:06 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (I'm lisssssssssssssstening)
[For anyone wandering the halls of the Rocket bases, lots of yelling and scraping can be heard through the door of the Commander’s room.]

Over there! No! A little more to the left! Perfect! That’s perfect! Skull Buster, leave it there!

[When his gear begins broadcasting, it shows the Commander sitting in this chair with the care package in a box on his lap.]

People of the world! Are you enjoying your Christmassss? Enjoy it while you still can!

[Then the laughter starts. It stops soon enough though.]

I demand to know the name of the person responsible for thisss gift! It is abssssolutely exquissssite! Just like the one back home on Cobra Island! Tell me now!

[That's it. Wait, no there's something else he wants to mention.]

Oh, and one last thing, to those of you who received my…gifts, I hope you enjoyed them!

[And more maniacal laughter to close his broadcast.]

{OOC: Yup, instead of something nice and easy to carry around Johto, he gets a giant Cobra throne which poor Machoke will have to carry everywhere.}
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Ssssssssssssshooting you now)
[Hey Johto? See those blue lasers flying across New Bark Town? Hear Cobra Commander’s maniacal laughter? Someone’s really happy about Johto playing tricks on him for once. Especially since they gave him back a standard issue MARS Industries laser rifle this time.]

Ahahahahaha! This is wonderful! Wonderful!

[More shooting. He’s murdering the poor defenseless New Bark Town sign. This is clearly the first step in conquering Johto: killing signs. ]

No one can ssstop me now! No one!

{OOC: His aim is just as bad as everyone’s in his canon, so any laser fire will fly harmlessly over people’s heads.}

30 | Audio

Nov. 2nd, 2011 11:37 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Working on some ridiculous scheme)
Hello, Johto. This is Cobra Commander ssssspeaking. And there’s no need to panic. I don’t plan on harming anyone today. I merely require information about certain individuals in Johto. Two days ago, each of these individuals proclaimed themselves ruler of Johto, and I would like to...convince them otherwise.

[He’ll let that veiled threat sink in before continuing.]

The first individual referred to herself as Queen Minerva Mouse. The second went by the title of King of Hearts. I will reward anyone who provides me with useful information about them, especially their locations. And don't even think about lying to me! Or you'll regret it!

[Click.]

29 | Audio

Oct. 10th, 2011 12:32 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Addresssssssing the minionsssssssss)
[Despite everything he’s told people, someone’s still a little paranoid about being tracked and captured, so there’s no video and the only noise in the background is the music for Route 36.]

How many of you have visited the Ssssprout Tower in Violet City? If you haven’t, maybe you should. Visit while you still can!

[Following the threat, there’s about a minute’s worth of maniacal cackling before the Commander settles down. But since he still has one more message for all of Johto, the quiet doesn’t last long.]

Oh right. I have one last thing I’d like to addressssss. If anyone is trying to capture me, don’t bother! You’ll never find me! Never!

28 | Video

Sep. 28th, 2011 12:16 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Telling you about my ridiculousss scheme)
[For once the feed isn’t focused on the Commander at all. Instead he has it turned toward the Goldenrod City Gym, which is currently sporting a relatively solid layer of ice over its doors.]

Excellent work Ice-Viper! Now they’ll never escape! Never!

[After some evil laughter, the Commander turns the camera towards his face.]

Johto! Consider this the first example of what my forces can do! And trust me, there will be others! Don’t even think about trying to capture me either or I’ll deal with you too!

[The feed clicks off after the final threat. He doesn’t want anyone to see where he’s going next.]

{OOC: Since he's trying his hardest to get away with this, the Commander also had Spikes scattered north of Goldenrod to try and discourage anyone from following. Which, like everything else he does in Johto, should be nothing more than a minor inconvenience.

Replies from the Commander will probably be Audio.}

20 | Video

Feb. 7th, 2011 03:04 pm
cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa: (Ssso help me I'll turn this thing around)
[As usual the video opens from one of the many nondescript rooms Cobra Commander uses for temporary bases.]

Citizens of Johto, some time ago I offered you a simple proposition: accept me as ruler of the world or face the consequences. Unfortunately, most of you did not accept my rule. Unfortunately for you, that is! I said there would be consequences, and consequences there will be! I’ve already dealt with two of you, and in due time, all of you who mocked me, who derided me, who chose to question my authority, will suffer a similar fate in due time! Unless I am paid 1 million dollars by the end of the week, I will continue to exact my revenge on any who has ever disrespected me!

Private to Members of Team Rocket )

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