cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 80 | Video | Backdated to December 2nd

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80 | Video | Backdated to December 2nd

[Well, here's Cobra Commander again, looking to be in a slightly better mood than he was when he accidentally outed himself as a Rocket. He's really not happy at all since somehow his faceplate disappeared over that weird missing stretch of time, and there was that weird tornado...

Oh well, he'll make due with his hood for now, and be thankful the tornado didn't wreck his plans.]

No doubt by now news of my...blown cover has become widespread. As well as a missing shipment of...ssssomething. For those of you who may have missed it, I'll explain. I was conveniently videotaped discussing a number of important things relating to a missing shipment of something belonging to Team Rocket. Which of course connects mysssself to that group, a connection I've tried my hardest to deny.

But it's one I sssee absolutely no reason to deny any longer. Yessss, I am, or was, a member of Team Rocket, and yesss, a shipment I was in charge of disappeared. It has ssssince been recovered.

[The feed goes black there, but it hasn't ended, Cobra's just turning off the camera for a moment. The audio's not much of note. Just the sound of footsteps and a door opening. When the feed turns back on, it's Cobra. In a basement. Still not much worth seeing.]

Recovered by me. And I won't be returning it. In fact, it was never lost at all! The entire thing, including the video was sssset up by me! Why you ask? Because quite honestly I am tired of serving in an organization that doesn't value my contributions and decided I would be better off going into business for myself on a more permanent basis. And to protect myself from any future reprisals, I took that shipment as an insurance package!

[And now he'll turn the camera to reveal um...well. It appears to be an open crate with several white missiles inside it. All of which are painted with a red R. Yeah. It took a while to get Ditto and Zorua to get them to look just right, but they really do look just like the real thing!]

I won't go into sssspecifics such as payload or guidance systems since I doubt any of that means much to most of you, but I will say that those are exactly what they look like. Prototype rockets for Team Rocket! That belong to me now!

[And he'll just end the feed there. Okay, there might actually be a few minutes of villainous laughter before it actually ends.]

{OOC: Explanation is here!

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[...excuse you?

It's at times like this that Kimblee is actually grateful that Archer is the slowest plotter in the history of mankind, because if this sort of thing was coming the entire time and Cobra just got impatient, he does not really want to contemplate where this would have left them.]

Explain yourself. Immediately, Commander.

Explain myssssself? Explain myself? You dare ask-

[Oh wait, it's filtered. Never mind about that then.]

I don't want to divulge the details of my plan at thisss time, but I know exactly what I'm doing, and it won't affect anything we've discussed.

[No, Commander, he just thought he would out himself to the entire network as well.

...although really, this explanation is not helping because oh for the love of all that is holy and many, many things that are not - ]

So you actually have a plan for where this is going.

Of course I have a plan. Everything I've done within the last month is part of a carefully concocted plan that is absssssolutely incapable of failing!

[Make of that what you will, Kimblee.]

[Oh no. Those words are never good.]

...do our superiors know about this, or are they also going to be receiving a surprise?

They are....aware of the current ssssituation.

[Yeah, he's probably not doing the world's best job of reassuring here.]

And if everything goes according to plan, they should be quite pleased with the results.

[Well, yes, he has no doubt they're aware, but that doesn't mean you told them anything. After all, he's aware now, isn't he?

...that said.]

...were those missiles earlier, Commander?

They certainly looked like missiles, didn't they?

[He's not going to just leave things that vague though.]

At the least, I would certainly prefer that everyone thinks that they are.

[Oho.]

Well, if anyone hears otherwise, it certainly won't be from me.

We still have to get together and discuss warheads sometime, you know.

Yesss, yesss we do!

[Which will mainly be Cobra rambling about all the horrible explosive things that exist in his world.]

But yesssss, keep that one under your hat. The next phase of my plan won't be ready for quite some time, and I'd prefer everything to go off perfectly!

[Because he put so much thought into this one. It isn't going to be like his weather rampage or that time he tried to poison Slowpokes.]

[~~God, Zulf never did forgive him for that last one, do you know how hard it was to actually make that guy mad~~ ANYWAY, Kimblee seems rather pleased at all that, if more than a bit intrigued, goodness.]

I look forward to seeing it, then.

[~~Cobra would be so happy to know someone went back to their world mad at him. He'd consider it a badge of honor.~~]

Yesss, I have a feeling you'll enjoy it. Though I imagine many will not.

My favorite kind of plan from you, really.

I'll see how it plays out, then. Do enjoy yourself.

[...and try not to wreck yourself along the way, that's always a little inconvenient.]

[If you're really capable of a plan like this, Commander, then Itachi has underestimated you. He'll have to be certain not to do that in the future.

But. Oh no, he's leaving Team Rocket. How tragic.]

Here I had believed villains like you existed only in childrens' stories.

[Yes, leaving. He's totally gone after this and will never darken Team Rocket's door again.]

And what exactly do you mean by that?

[Last time he checked children's stories don't involve hijacking a shipment of ICBMs.]

The part where you prattle on about your plans to everyone instead of simply carrying them out in secret.

[As a ninja, it goes completely against the way he'd handle things.]

I can be quite sssecretive when I want to be.

[Like for example, right now. Not that anyone really knows that.]

I simply choose not to when it's convenient!

Hm.

I suppose it's good to know that there are actual weapons here that don't involve pokemon. I was beginning to think that wasn't possible.

You clearly aren't familiar with my exploits then, or the crimes of a few others. Otherwise, you'd know that ssssuch things are rare, but do exist!

I am still relatively new to this place, I admit.

Then conduct ssssome research before assuming these things don't exist here! What I and others have done should be common knowledge! And if it isn't, then it certainly should be!

You're right. I will make sure to do so in the future, sir.

[He doesn't mind being seen as unknowledgeable in these instances. It's more likely to make people underestimate him.]

Good! Ssssee that you do!

[He should seriously consider starting to grab popcorn every time this guy makes a post to the network, good lord. This is the best worst kind of comedy, or at least that's what Crow sees it as.]

... So, lemme guess how it went. You fucked up and lost some shit, they kicked you out, and now you're making up all of this to not look like a complete idiot.

Did I get it right?

[He's 100% sure he did, so good luck convincing him otherwise.]

[Crow, normally that would be spot on, but in this case, you really couldn't be more wrong.]

Oh no. I'm afraid that's not it at all. I merely saw the opportunity to sssever my ties with an organization I'm tired of contributing t and acquire a brand new arsenal at the same time ssssso I took it.

[He knows you so well.]

Congrats.

[Making sure the sarcasm is audible there. If it was anyone else, he could reconsider this, but with Cobra? Yeah, no, he's no buying it.]

Sounds like some dead weight off their shoulders, though!

[The first and quite possibly last time Crow (thinks he) understands Team Rocket's actions, right here.]

Dead weight? Dead weight? I am hardly dead weight! In fact, I'm the only one who actually shows initiative and gets things done! And what do I get for it? Reprimands! Passed over for promotions! I have dozens upon dozens of rejected ideas in my office that were ignored for being too costly, or too destructive, or not in line with Team Rocket's goals!

[Sort of a sore subject here. Or at least he's going to play it that way.]

If I am to be criticized for anything! Anything at all in thissss matter! Then it would be for not having the good sense to leave sooner!

[... Did he seriously just witness Cobra having an unappreciated genius moment of sorts.]

That's what we call "screwing up", y'know.

[Crow would actually feel bad for him if this whole "initiative" wasn't about blowing things up and such.]

... Can't really argue with that last part.

[Now drop all of this "taking over the world" bullshit and they can actually be friends.]

[If we're calling creating an extremely convoluted ridiculous plan just to blow things up in a few weeks genius, then yes, it's a genius moment.]

The only ones who sssscrewed up were them! By not recognizing my brilliance while they sssstill had the chance!

Uh huh.

[Crow just tilts his head with a condescending smile.]

I'm ssssure they'll regret it.

[Oh god, it's contagious.]

I have an entire crate of ballistic missiles and means with which to launch them. As well as a host of classified information I've accumulated over the years.

[Not that he's going to share any of that, but if he wanted to ruin them, he easily could. Just saying.]

Soon enough they will regret their treatment of me more than any other missstake they've ever made in the hisssstory of their organization!

[Yeah yeah he won't even bother asking.]

Y'know, I find it hard to believe a loser like you would be given freaking missiles to take care of. Or that they have something like that in the first place. Do they even have weapons here?

[He's pretty skeptical about that. Who needs missiles when you can have dogs that breathe fire and rats that shoot lightning?]

I wasn't given them to take care of. Think of it like Federal Express.

[If you have that in your world, Crow.]

The package is sent from somewhere, happens to arrive here on its way to somewhere else, and instead of ssssending it along, I grabbed it! Had they been intelligent enough to put me in charge of them in the firssst place, there would have been no need for me to take ssssuch action!

[Well, he runs a delivery service himself, so he can figure that much out, even if he hasn't heard of that specific name before.]

... That's even less likely. Who the hell sends goddamn missiles in a package?!

[Not even Team Rocket can be dumb enough to do THAT, jfc.]

Don't be so literal, you moron! I said to think of it like it was Federal Expresssss, not that it actually was!

And besides, they were in a crate.

That's still-- 'kay, y'know what, never mind.

[At this point he's kinda realized there's little point about arguing how little sense that makes.]

... So what are you planning to do with those? The missiles, I mean.

[It'd probably make more sense to Crow if he knew it was shipped from a Rocket base, onto a Rocket ship, to Rocket controlled docks, and presumably from there to some other Rocket location, but Cobra doesn't really want to make up that much stuff.]

For now, use them as leverage against Team Rocket. They'll want to neutralize me, of course. But sssso long as I have these, they can't risk doing sssso for fear of reprisal. After all, I know the locations of all their bases, and could easily launch at them. And while death isn't an issue, the costs of reconstruction, and more importantly, the attention that sssaid targets would receive would be something they wouldn't want to chance.

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80 | Video | Backdated to December 2nd

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