cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 17

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17 | Video

[Anyone watching the video will see a close up of a Snover. Said Snover looks completely oblivious to the fact that it’s being videotaped. Cobra Commander’s voice comes from behind the camera and sounds rather enthusiastic.]

Do you see that? It was recently brought to my attention that my Pokemon were susceptible to Psychic types! Well that weakness has been dealt with! This creature has no such weakness! In fact, it’s even capable of freezing other Pokemon! Isn’t that wonderful?

[Private to Members of Team Rocket]
[The camera turns away from Snover to the Commander.]
Seeing as how it’s almost Christmas, and I’m sure you’ll all be off doing whatever it is you do during this time, I demand a status report from each of you! Now! And no complaints! Consider yourselves lucky you’re not working during this holiday!
[/Private Message]

Before I forget, I found that stupid girl’s Pokemon. I can't stand it, but it won't stop following me! I figure with the proper training, I'll make Pancake fit in with the rest of my loyal Pokemon! So I’m keeping it! And that’s not up for debate!

{OOC: Since Grace offered, Cobra Commander will be taking care of Melfina's Ditto, Pancake, for the foreseeable future.}

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[...what on earth is that thing.]

I wonder what would happen if Tybalt breathed on it...

[And he has no comment on the Rocket message. No comment at all.]

Nothing! Because it won't! My other Pokemon will dispatch your pathetic creature long before you face...what was it...Snover! Yes, you won't even get the chance to be destroyed by Snover!

I'm gonna go decorate for Christmas with Soul!

That's it?

Yup!

...

Oh no wait! Later, I'm gonna give Soul a present and share some candy I bought!

Amazing

You've set a new standard for reports that are completely meaningless!

Ehehehehe!

Stop that! Why are you laughing?

You must be the one I heard about — the jackwagon who thinks he's runnin' the team. Hot shit, are ya?

Colour me complainin'. [ Chuckle. ]

Excuse me? That is no way to to talk to your Commander!

And whatever your complaints are, they are noted and disregarded!

You ain't my commander. And if you were, I'd call you 'Commander Mom.' You sound like it.

I'll bet you note and disregard a lot of shit, huh? 'Splains why the team blows so much.

I am Cobra Commander and you will show me the proper respect!

Furthermore, as to why Team Rocket "blows" as you so eloquently put it, I blame incompetent, disrespectful Grunts like you! There is absolutely nothing wrong with my leadership! The problems are with HQ and people like you!

Sure thing, Mom.

Gotta love how it's everyone else who's the problem, not you, right? An' you should be careful before you start throwin' around words like 'incompetent.' I'll give ya 'disrespectful,' but I've been trainin' every day since I showed up.

... Y'know why?

Cobra Commander! I am not your mother!

It is everyone else's problem, and I'll throw around whatever words I want! I don't know why you've been training, and since you're someone with such disregard for a natural leader like myself, I don't care why!

[ He's laughing too hard to answer right away. When he catches his breath, though, he sombers up. ]

I'm training because I've got shit to do. Like, I dunno, steal some Pokémon? It's what we do, right? At least, it's what we're supposed to.

You mean you're actually going to do your job? And here I thought you were another one of those useless grunts who just run their mouth or wander away from Team Rocket!

Nah, man. I've got ambition and a fuckin' plan. I just need to train the shit outta this Ditto, t'be on the safe side.

Well, good then! Hopefully, your Ditto can be trained properly! Team Rocket has no need for useless Pokemon!

I am waiting in Cherrygrove until the festivities are over and the paths are made safer for travel. When both are, I will resume traveling, my next goal being Violet. My current possession of Pokemon are Beedrill, Psyduck, and, now, like you, Snover.

Good, good! Beedrill is very useful from what I've been told.

Don't even get me started on the paths! This month has been such a disappointment! If it hadn't been for that stupid blizzard, it would've been possible to coordinate and mount an assault on one of these towns for Christmas! It would've been the perfect gift!

If I may suggest? If you truly want to spoil their Christmas, then you may wait for the holiday to pass, once all the presents have been exchanged... and when we find out what has been given, stealing them would be a great message to send of our power.

That's not a bad idea at all. There's no way to pull it off in every city though! Which town has the most Grunts in it? Loyal ones too! Not those blathering idiots that don't bother listening to my addresses!

I'm afraid I don't have that information just yet. However, the towns with the most people in general are Violet and Goldenrod.

Well then...

[A moment of silence to gather his rage.]

...how do you propose we pull this off WITHOUT KNOWING HOW MANY ROCKETS WE HAVE IN A GIVEN CITY?

I have only one suggestion, Commander.

[Pushes her glasses up further.]

When I arrive to Violet... I'll steal them all.

You will? You're certain you can pull something like that off?

If I fail, you may punish me however you see fit.

Oh, I shall. I have a zero tolerance for failure, so see that you do not fail me!

I'm decorating a snover too sir!

Decorating? You're wasting your time on that?

Um.

Uh.

No?

Of course not.

I mean.

Plotting world domination to take over all the snovers with uh. Mind control decorations???

Yes.

That sir.

Mind control decorations?

[Wait for it.]

That's brilliant! You have the capability to pull something like that off? You surprise me, Jango! I, Cobra Commander, authorize this project with the full authority given to me by myself! Proceed! If you require assistance, you may recruit any Rocket Grunts you please! Just tell them Cobra Commander has ordered their aid. They would not dare defy me! And if they do, report them to me at once!

[Cackling now, completely oblivious to the fact that this is on an open channel.]

The world will be mine! All thanks to you and an army of Pokemon! I couldn't have wished for a better Christmas present!

{WELL SHIT. He totally pulled that out of his arse... Now where to get a hypnotizing amplifier and fast? ;;]

Uh.

Yeah.

You... you can count on me sir. [Grumble, grumble, shuffles off. FML.]

You had better hope I can, Jango. Dismissed.

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17 | Video

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