cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 59 | Video + Private Text

[Hey Johto, Kanto! Guess who finally got out of that Well, hopped on his Skarmory, and plans on never returning to Azalea Town again?

Cobra Commander has video on, and is using one of those nondescript Rocket base rooms again. Also, he’s still in a noticeably bad mood after the past few days.]

First of all, while I was …detained over the past few days, I received at least three messages full of ssssome garbage about Beedrills and crushes and I don’t even remember what else! But it was ssstupid and reading them was a waste of my time! Those of you who decided to ssspend your time sending me this ridiculous nonsense should consider yourselves lucky that I have no way of finding out who you are! Otherwise, you would regret the decision to send those messages for the rest of your natural lives!

[His life was already sucking by being trapped in the well. Hearing about his true crush and Skuntanks didn’t exactly make things better.]

Now then, as you all should remember, I promised to attack the place I hate the most in Johto! And I did! No doubt you were all out sssearching, probably even in that horrible weather, trying to ssstop me! And you failed! So without any further delay, allow me to reveal my plan!

[Despite what he said, he’s going to delay the announcement for dramatic effect.

Wait for it.

Wait for it.

Okay, now!]

I poisoned the Slowpoke Well! And there’s nothing any of you can do about it now!

[There’s the usual villainous laughter from Cobra as the feed ends.]

[Private Text to Kato]
Returned to base. Ready to discuss things as soon as possible.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, if the organization is like a snake, shouldn't you be embracing caves too?

No! There will be no embracing of caves so long as I am Commander!

Well if you're not gonna embrace caves, maybe you should find a better name for your team.

Like 'Weenie'.

Edited 2012-10-04 02:21 (UTC)

There will be no embracing of caves and no name changes! Esssspecially not to that!

It's too late.

You're Team Weenie now.

It's decided.

It is not decided! No one decides anything about Cobra besides me! No one!

Too late.

Can't change it.

I asked who decided that, and I want an answer! Now!

I did. It was me.

No changes. It's already done.

You do not have the authority to decide anything about Cobra Command! None whatsoever!

[He's so mad, he's using the organization's full name for once.]

Well, too bad. I decided it.

You can't stop me.

_{[She's pretty much just trying to see just how mad she can make him, really.]}

I don't care what you've decided, and if you continue to antagonize me, I will be forced to prove that I can in fact, sssstop you!

How, by poisoning a Slowpoke and hoping it'll get to me before I notice it lumbering in my direction?

Of course not! That would be sssstupid! And the chances of it failing would be incredibly high!

Well, yeah. That's why I suggested it.

Y'know, to stay in keeping with all the other stuff you do.

_{[Well, not that he hasn't had his successes, but Heather never did pay too much attention to those....]}

That would be nothing like the other things I do! What I do actually poses a threat to people!

So poisoning a well full of Slowpokes poses a threat to someone other than the Slowpokes?

I mean... nobody drinks that water.

It'd taste like Slowpoke butts.

I was under the impression that the townspeople drank it.

[If they don't then...uh, he'll blame this on faulty intelligence. Wait, he gathered the intel. That doesn't work either.]

I'm pretty sure they DON'T. Or if they do, they're gross.

Because uh, yeah.

Slowpoke butts.

And probably Zubat poop, too.

Loads of it.

That's disgusting!

YEP.

So...

... What WERE you trying to accomplish here?

Revenge.

[An indirect petty, ridiculous attempt at taking revenge on something that wasn't really responsible for annoying him in the first place.

In other words, it was a complete failure. That's what was accomplished here. Failure.]

.... Against...?

Against none of your business! I don't have to tell you what it was against, nor am I going to!

Jeez, okay, fine, I get it!

You don't wanna tell me because you know the answer sounds totally stupid.

I understand.

It's okay.

[Audio]

cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - 2012-11-15 05:17 (UTC) - Expand