cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 61 | Private Video + Public Video + Text

[Private Video for Rockets]

[Cobra’s in his office again. Of particular interest might be the window in the background. The curtains are open and every so often a Shuppet drifts by it.

But that’s not what Cobra’s here to talk about today. Instead he’s angrily shaking a bunch of flyers in front of the camera. ]

I told you! I told you all! And no one listened to me! Months ago, I mentioned that I thought the Vermilion Gym Leader was up to ssssomething! And I was right! Look at thisss!

[He’ll show the flyers more carefully this time. One’s for the tournament, and the other is for the newly opened Lt. Surge's Survival Camp.]

I told you he was up to ssssomething, and look! In my absence, he’s opened a training camp! To train people! And there’s something in here about retired combat instructors! I sssaid he might’ve been a small part of a larger force and I was right! Absolutely right! Something needs to be done about thissss!

[Because this is all clearly more important than the ghost swarms and possessions.

That Shuppet…or perhaps it’s a different Shuppet floats by the camera as Cobra calms down slightly.]

Also, I suggest the rest of you pay close attention to the network. I have a very important announcement to make.

[End of Rocket Feed]

[When the public feed starts, the first thing that might be noticeable is that wherever Cobra is seems to have some fancy Shuppet print curtains on the outside of the windows.

…oh wait, they’re moving. Not that Cobra’s noticed this; he has much more important things on his mind.]

One million dollars. One million dollars to the person who finds the man who stole my chair.

[Said money may or may not be sheets of paper with Cobra’s face, good only for the day when he rules the world.]

Attached, you will find a list of aliases and identifying characteristics. Good luck.

[And sure enough, the information comes up on the screen shortly.

Name: ???
Aliases: El Zorua/The Fox
Location: Unknown, but prior information indicates they are familiar with the Cianwood/Olivine area
Identifying Characteristics: Male, Spanish accent, familiar with history, primarily American history
Reward: $1,000,000 for live capture and successful delivery to Cobra Commander ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Look around me? What? You mean the ghost swarms? I don't care about those! Let them bother people in the other cities! I don't care!

[Yes, he is that oblivious. And he has no idea there's one right outside.]

[Of all the stubborn... she's tempted to just let him deal with it himself! It would serve him right for all the trouble he's put people and pokemon through]

What, you think your town's immune? Just put down the Gear and take a look around you! Or do you think that they're just going to steer clear great and powerful...

[what was his name again?]

...whoever you are.

[He was about to look. Really, he was.

But then...]

Whoever you are? Have you been living under a rock or ssssomething? I am Cobra Commander! Everyone should know my name by now! In fact, there's no excuse for not knowing it!

Since I've been here, all I've seen you do is poison a bunch of slowpokes and rant about your stupid chair. Sorry, but that's not exactly what I call impressive.

[Well, he did clear the gyms, which is sort of impressive! But ~~the mun~~ Utena missed that post]

Then perhaps you should ask about the things that you haven't ssseen! Then you'll know why everyone should know my name!

And my chair isn't ssstupid!

Maybe not, but the tantrum you're throwing over it sure is! Besides, if you're the big hotshot you say you are, shouldn't you have caught the guy by now? Or is he too powerful for the great, powerful Cobra Commander?

Of course, he's not too powerful! He's just ssssneaky! You try catching someone without any clues as to their identity and ssssee how long it takes you!

[...okay, so she wouldn't fare much better. But she's not going to come out and admit that]

Well- sneaky or not, how the heck did they even get in? I mean, a guy like you would have some kind of... I don't know, elite fortress or something, wouldn't you?

Have you ssssen any fortresses around here? I don't even have minions here, let alone a fortress!

[He's not counting the Rocket base as a fortress since it's not his.]

I was transporting it and they broke into the crate and ssstole it!

...okay, that makes more sense, I guess. Though, why'd they even bother to take it? I mean, it's just a chair, right?

Why? Because it's mine! That's why!

[Also because it's a ridiculous eyesore.]

[So, petty spite, then. Not that she can blame the hypothetical chair thief in this case]

You know, maybe if you didn't push people around so much, maybe people wouldn't try to take your stuff. Whoever it was was probably trying to get back at you for one of your brilliant schemes.

I'm not going to change who I am just because one idiot decided to ssssteal from me! No! In fact, what I'm going to do is personally show this El Zorua character exactly what type of person I am ssssso that they're never able to do something like that to me again!

Yeah, well, you can't really get revenge on someone you can't catch. Is anyone here actually helping you out with this, or are you just going solo?

Didn't you pay attention to my announcement? I just put a price on their head! No doubt sssssomeone will step forward to hunt them down!

[Twitches - would anyone really take him up on that? She's not sure, but... well, this El Zorua person may have more to worry about than Cobra]

...yeah, well, good luck with that. [playing it cool, playing it cool] Seriously, this place doesn't exactly look like "bounty hunter central" to you, does it?

Of course it doesn't, but offer people enough money and they'll do anything. Who in their right mind would pass up the chance to become a millionaire that quickly?

How about someone who's not a total creep! I don't care how much money you're offering, I don't know anybody who'd turn someone in to a guy like you. Besides, who says you aren't just going to take the money and run after you get what you want? You're not exactly "Mister Dependable" here.

I find that accussssation insulting! I always pay for a job well done! Both in this world and in mine! And ssseveral people can here attest to that!

[Wait, so he's done this before? She tenses up for a moment - maybe he's more than just a joke]

What kind of jobs? Like what, getting people to poison more Pokemon for you?

[Not that that's going to stop her from taking potshots, though]

Oh no, I wouldn't have ssspent the money on that. But I have paid people for assisting me with a number of things. Providing correct information, item retrieval, oh, and of course, planting bombs.

[...bombs? What bo-shit. Her eyes widen in realization, before they narrow in rage]

The Radio Tower! You're one of the creeps responsible for that, weren't you!

What? No. I had nothing to do with that.

[He's not stupid enough to try and bomb the Radio Tower. Bombing the Game Corner got him in enough trouble with Team Rocket as it is, so doing that would probably be worse.]

Or the Lighthouse, for that matter. No, I sssimply arranged to have some bombs constructed and planted in the Game Corner some time ago, and another one mailed to a certain individual...ssset to explode upon opening!

[So, he wasn't responsible for any of that. But- he still tried to kill people! ...or, at least, he tried to hurt them...]

And what did the Game Center ever do to you?! They didn't deserve anything like that!

It didn't do anything to me, and it certainly didn't deserve it. That's what made it such a wonderful target!

61 | Private Video + Public Video + Text

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