cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 61 | Private Video + Public Video + Text

[Private Video for Rockets]

[Cobra’s in his office again. Of particular interest might be the window in the background. The curtains are open and every so often a Shuppet drifts by it.

But that’s not what Cobra’s here to talk about today. Instead he’s angrily shaking a bunch of flyers in front of the camera. ]

I told you! I told you all! And no one listened to me! Months ago, I mentioned that I thought the Vermilion Gym Leader was up to ssssomething! And I was right! Look at thisss!

[He’ll show the flyers more carefully this time. One’s for the tournament, and the other is for the newly opened Lt. Surge's Survival Camp.]

I told you he was up to ssssomething, and look! In my absence, he’s opened a training camp! To train people! And there’s something in here about retired combat instructors! I sssaid he might’ve been a small part of a larger force and I was right! Absolutely right! Something needs to be done about thissss!

[Because this is all clearly more important than the ghost swarms and possessions.

That Shuppet…or perhaps it’s a different Shuppet floats by the camera as Cobra calms down slightly.]

Also, I suggest the rest of you pay close attention to the network. I have a very important announcement to make.

[End of Rocket Feed]

[When the public feed starts, the first thing that might be noticeable is that wherever Cobra is seems to have some fancy Shuppet print curtains on the outside of the windows.

…oh wait, they’re moving. Not that Cobra’s noticed this; he has much more important things on his mind.]

One million dollars. One million dollars to the person who finds the man who stole my chair.

[Said money may or may not be sheets of paper with Cobra’s face, good only for the day when he rules the world.]

Attached, you will find a list of aliases and identifying characteristics. Good luck.

[And sure enough, the information comes up on the screen shortly.

Name: ???
Aliases: El Zorua/The Fox
Location: Unknown, but prior information indicates they are familiar with the Cianwood/Olivine area
Identifying Characteristics: Male, Spanish accent, familiar with history, primarily American history
Reward: $1,000,000 for live capture and successful delivery to Cobra Commander ]

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

a chair?
really?
are you honestly raising hell because of a chair?

[Look who's talking. This guy here was intending to turn New Bark to shreds just three days ago because of a puppet...]

...Can't you just get a new chair?

Yesss! Over a chair! Because no one steals from Cobra Commander and gets away with it! No one!

Edited 2012-10-28 03:25 (UTC)

No! And I recovered the chair months ago! But I've finally put together all of the information needed to punish the thief! Now I just need someone to capture him!

[He'd even be willing to put aside his dislike of Riku if they bring in El Zorua.]

[God, this guy couldn't be more of a villain stereotype even if he tried.]

look, instead of fretting over your precious chair, i think you should check out what's going on outside your window.
doesn't look good.

[Oh, it's a post from Cobra. After certain events that he is not going to speak of that occurred over the last couple days, Ryner could use the entertainment... wait.]

...It was a chair.

[Yes, he's late to that party.]

Look out my window? Why? Is thisss some pathetic attempt to distract me? If so, it's not going to work!

It wasn't a chair. It was my chair!

[And that makes all the difference.]

You've made such a big deal, over a chair.

dude, if i wanted to trick you, you better believe i would do something far more creative than that.

but really, there's some weird purple shit floating outside your window.

[So here's a familiar face. With a black leather motorcycle jacket, a black shirt with a black and white picture of some mohawked punk giving two middle fingers and "FUCK THE SYSTEM" on it, hair in short liberty spikes, and a bunch of safety pins shoved through his ears. Also he's in the middle of a can of cheap beer, the little shoplifter.]

This some trivia show thing? Or're you pretendin'a be El Zorua's archnemesis fer Halloween're somethin'? Whatever, I'll bite. Shoulda asked somethin' harder, fucker.

Yer lookin' fer Don Diego de la Venusaur. [Insert directions to his grave here, phrased in a way that could be interpreted as directions to someone who's still alive. "Lucky" for Cobra that the punk riding Apollo thinks El Zorua was a pretty cool guy and knows all about him. He takes another swig.] So where do I pick up the cash, fucker?

[...Wow, Cobra. Have the most deadpan expression possible from Riku.]

Why's this chair such a big deal? It's not like there's a shortage of them around here.

[...Y'know. Once he thought this guy was imposing. That first impression didn't last too long.]

What if someone just finds your chair? [not that he would actually help HE'S JUST CURIOUS REALLY]

[What.

What is Cobra Commander even looking at? That outfit change makes less sense than when Destro changed from silver to olive green or when Zartan decided he needed an orange mohawk.

Once again, what?]

You get nothing! The reward is for capture and delivery! And why on earth would I trust your directions? Furthermore, you're the last person that should be accusing anyone of wearing a Halloween costume with that absolutely ridiculoussss ensemble!

Over my chair! You ssseem to be missing that point!

No, there's not!

[He still hasn't looked.]

I don't know what you're trying to pull, but I'm not going to fall for it! No matter what you sssay!

I'll show you.

[He'll just turn the camera to show the giant snake throne in the corner of the room. He got it for Christmas when everyone received that one item from home and a care package.]

It is a one of a kind, hand crafted chair, made ssspecifically for me! That's what's so special about it!

Because the fact that it's yours makes it obviously that much more important.

[He cares. So much.]

I already recovered the chair! Months ago! This is merely an attempt to punish the one responsible!

It does! That's exactly why it's more important! Because it's mine!

Haaaaaaaaa, of course you'd think something like that.

[To tell you that he's never heard that name before and that there are Yamasks going around doing stuff and so any 'new information' from the last couple of days could have just as easily been one of them messing around, or to not tell you about the Yamasks and let you figure that part out on your own eventually maybe...

Eh, more entertaining to watch you fail, safer for the other guy if you're on a wild goose chase, and telling you would require explaining where that knowledge comes from, which he would really rather not. So he might as well not bother.]

[Apollo will be glad that the punk riding him didn't want a mohawk. Getting all this stuff out of his hair is already going to be a pain.

He gives Cobra the finger with one hand while he finishes the beer with the other, crushes the can in his hand, and chucks it into an off-camera recycling station.]

Hey, fuck you! I ain't gotta conform to how the System says I gotta look! 'Sides, I ain't the fucker who can't talk right and's hidin' his ugly mug.

And you seriously expect someone to bring you El Zorua? Alive? [Snort.] Yer pretty retarded, fucker.

Oh. [Now he totally -- no he doesn't get it.]

You sure you should even try to punish a guy called, "The Fox"? Isn't that against your element? [or natural enemies, WHICHEVER.]

That's right! I would think ssssomething like that!

Yessss! Alive! That's what I ssssaid! Did you go deaf or something following our battle?

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61 | Private Video + Public Video + Text

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