cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 22

[The sound of rain can be heard, but the Commander had the sense to broadcast indoors. His tone indicated this is actually important and not a usual rant.]

People of the world, I demand your immediate attention! I have an extremely important announcement to make. Quite possibly the most important announcement in the history of Johto!

[There’s a snort from behind his mask, which is immediately followed by the feed being killed for a few moments. When it resumes, the Commander seems to have regained his composure.]

Effective immediately, Cobra is no more. I understand now that it is impossible to conquer this world and will stop trying. From this moment forward, please consider me an ordinary citizen, no more important or dangerous than the rest of you. That is all.

Oh wait, there is one more thing. April Fools, you morons! I’m not giving up anything! If anything I have even more reasons to take over Johto than I did before! And none of you can stop me!

[He proceeds to cackle hysterically, like this is the funniest thing in the world to him.]

{OOC: Canon update successful (One week, plus a few days), so Cobra Commander’s back to yell and scream and fail at everyone.}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[A moments pause.] So--you're still Cobra? And you still wanna take over this place? Or is that apart of the joke as well?

No, it's not part of the joke! I am still the leader of Cobra and I still want to take over the world!

So you're a leader of a buncha snakes?

No! I have ssssnake Pokemon, but Cobra is made up of human members!

Oh, I see. Man that would have been interesting to see someone take over the world with a buncha cobras.

I did turn the world's animals against mankind, including the snakes, in an attempt to conquer the world!

[A moments pause.] Really? Man, that's pretty cool.

Yes, really.

And what was cool was using the Weather Dominator to start freak snowstorms throughout the world!

[He whistles lowly.] That's pretty impressive.

Everything I do is impressive! Everything!

Really?

Really.

I could give you more examples. I've used a superlaser to carve the moon. I've funded political candidates to force my agendas! I've taken over every single television network in existence! I've crippled the oil industry! I could go on and on about the impressive things I've done!

[And he will, if given the chance.]

You... carved at the moon?

Yes! And I would've succeeded in carving my face into it if it wasn't for that insufferable force known as G.I. Joe!

Well-- you gotta think quick on your feet when it comes to stuff like that. You gotta do something quick when you're carving the moon.

Time was not the problem! I had all the time in the world, but my idiotic minions couldn't understand the brilliance of what I was doing and failed to keep G.I. Joe away!

So this G.I. Joe dude likes messin' with all your plans huh? He's not here is he?

Not a single Joe is here, and it better stay that way! I don't need them fouling up my plans!

There's more than one?

Of course. It's an organization.

[Said as if everyone should know this.]

That's a lot of Joe's. I wonder what they all go by.

Code names. Code names that are vastly inferior to the ones used by Cobra!

Ohhhh, I see.

In fact everything about G.I. Joe is inferior!

[he's probably going to regret this, but--]

How so?

[audio]

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