cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 70

Greetings, people of the world.

[Behind Cobra Commander, there appears to be some sort of tarp covered object. There’s no real uniform shape to it, and the tarp does a wonderful job concealing the fact that it’s just a bunch of boxes and assorted junk he’s cobbled together to create the impression that there’s something else under there.]

I assume that many of you are wondering what thisss object behind me is? Well, wonder no longer! Thisss is what will not only assure my victory over the world, but also will be the final argument to convince ssssome of you that I, Cobra Commander, am indeed someone you should all fear!

You see, thanks to ssssome of the greatest minds to ever inhabit this place, I finally have a device capable of harnessing the forces of nature themselves! Think about that means! The weather itself is mine to command! And mine to use against my enemies!

[And it’s the same for anyone else with access to certain Pokémon attacks, but Cobra’s hoping the tarp will distract people from thinking about that.]

But I have no interest in ruling over a frozen or flooded planet. Therefore, I’ll give you all one chance to sssspare yourselves such a fate. Simply turn over one-third of all the eggs in both Johto and Kanto to me and you won’t have to experience the full power of thisss weapon! Refuse and suffer the consequences!

I will give you one week to decide! One week!

{OOC: There’s more information about this here!}

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh no, not with the babies. That wouldn’t get me anywhere. No, I’d train them first until they’re fully evolved and then use them to wreak havoc on anything that gets in my way!

[Clearly this plan is flawless.

Also, he’s cackling now.]

Buddy, any evil plan that relies on that much animal husbandry isn't going to get you far. Try thinking of something better than a one-third kitten tax.

I beg to differ! Pokemon make very very effective weapons!

[So effective that they can be used instead of weather machines.]

Weapons you have to housebreak. These things are a pain in the ass right after they hatch.

[Blake's been getting a lot of experience with that lately.]

In addition to weaponizing the entire animal kingdom in my world, I have raised a number of eggs here, ssssso I am well aware of how annoying training animals can be. However, I am more than willing to put up with it in order to get what I want!

[Blake repeats flatly] The entire animal kingdom in your world.

You had an army of every horse, dog, and goddamn chipmunk on the planet.

What the hell would you even do with that?

[As well as the elephants and the bugs]

Terrorize the world of course! No one expects to be invaded by animals! Which made it the perfect plan!

[Until it failed.]

Nobody expects it because it's stupid.

I don't even know what criminal code that'd fall under.

It is not sssstupid! Using a high frequency weapon to manipulate the thoughts and wills of animals so that they follow my every order isn't sssstupid at all!

And I have no idea what criminal code it falls under! That would require me being formally charged for it which has yet to happen!

You made an elephant army by radio?

[runs through them in his head] Definitely something under animal abuse, some terrorism thrown in...

Well, I didn't personally create the High Frequency Weapon, but one of my sssscientists did. But make no missstake, I certainly was the one directing the use of the weapon and sssselecting which creatures to target!

[Blake crosses his arms and gives the welding mask guy a nonplussed look]

How'd that work out for you?

It worked perfectly well!

[Until the control panel was destroyed. He doesn't want to talk about that.]

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