cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 70

Greetings, people of the world.

[Behind Cobra Commander, there appears to be some sort of tarp covered object. There’s no real uniform shape to it, and the tarp does a wonderful job concealing the fact that it’s just a bunch of boxes and assorted junk he’s cobbled together to create the impression that there’s something else under there.]

I assume that many of you are wondering what thisss object behind me is? Well, wonder no longer! Thisss is what will not only assure my victory over the world, but also will be the final argument to convince ssssome of you that I, Cobra Commander, am indeed someone you should all fear!

You see, thanks to ssssome of the greatest minds to ever inhabit this place, I finally have a device capable of harnessing the forces of nature themselves! Think about that means! The weather itself is mine to command! And mine to use against my enemies!

[And it’s the same for anyone else with access to certain Pokémon attacks, but Cobra’s hoping the tarp will distract people from thinking about that.]

But I have no interest in ruling over a frozen or flooded planet. Therefore, I’ll give you all one chance to sssspare yourselves such a fate. Simply turn over one-third of all the eggs in both Johto and Kanto to me and you won’t have to experience the full power of thisss weapon! Refuse and suffer the consequences!

I will give you one week to decide! One week!

{OOC: There’s more information about this here!}

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

... Is this for real?

Edited 2013-05-02 02:19 (UTC)

[Dude, you sound as fucking crazy as Eridan and his shitty doomsday devices. Laughing at you tbh.]

Do you have your thinkpan on wrong? If you don't want to rule over a ruined planet, than you probably shouldn't threaten to ruin it in the first place! Do you really think people are going to give you eggs because you're flapping your cavity like that?

I bet it works just as well as your terrible way of speaking!

Of course it's for real! Do I look like I'm joking?

[Oh wait, he's wearing a mask.]

Don't bother answering that! But yesss, to answer your question, it is for real.

Scrambled or hard boil?

I will do whatever it takes to get what I want! I may have no interest in ruling over a ruined planet, but I will happily ruin it if needed! Also, yesss, I do think people will give me what I want! They can't afford to not give in to my demands! It would be catastrophic!

(Sayaka's face appears on screen with a confused and disbelieving look.)

...I'm not from America or anything, but wasn't April Fools Day last month?

Not those kind of eggs, you idiot! Pokemon eggs! Pokemon eggs!

Don't eat them! What if they're ready to hatch?

Of course it was! That was April! This is May!

[Wait a second.]

If you think this is merely some sort of joke, then you couldn't be more wrong! If my demands are not meant, then the world will sssssuffer!

(Sayaka's not sure if she should laugh or not, so...she'll just stare for now.)

But if the world suffers, how can we meet your demands? And shouldn't the Pokemon have a say too?

I'm not going to eat them! I have much bigger plans for the eggs than to waste them by doing something ssssso incredibly stupid!

[And even if Pinkie Pie's not going to ask, Cobra will tell them anyway.]

I want to use them to create a Pokemon army!

The more you speak, the dumber it gets! If you ruin the planet, you'll be stuck on it like the rest of us! Good job there. I hope you like living in a wasteland. [What a dumb. That's dumb. She doesn't think he even has anything powerful enough to do that anyways.]

I'm not giving you shit. Go earn it yourself!

No one would willingly give into something as farfetched as this!

[...]

You know. Harnessing weather isn't really that big of a deal here. I have a Pokemon that can do it all on her own.

Edited 2013-05-02 04:03 (UTC)

It's ssssimple! If my demands are not met, the world suffers. If they still aren't met after that, it will continue to suffer. Eventually people will either give in, or be destroyed!

[Or given how death works in Johto, be extremely annoyed forever.]

As to the Pokemon, why should I give them a sssay? I don't care what they think. In fact, I don't care what anyone thinks unless they think that they should give me what I want!

I hardly find it farfetched. A sssssmall donation of Pokemon eggs today would prevent the chances of a horrible wasteland tomorrow. What's so farfetched about that?

Additionally, I have no problem with living in a wasteland. It wouldn't be preferred, but it would hardly be the first time I would have to reside in such a place.

[Wastelands, prisons, swamps, not every hideout is as nice as Cobra Island.]

[Okay, relax Cobra. You can handle this.]

I'm sure you do. In fact, I have no doubt that sssseveral people do. But what I have is far more powerful than any Pokemon.

[Well, any one Pokemon. Technically what he has planned requires six.]

But of course, if you really think it's no big deal, then you'll only have yourself to blame in a week's time.

Right, or else you'll ruin the world.

So if we ignored you, and you ruined the world, what would you even do after that? I mean, I guess the eggs would be pretty useless.

Because you're probably as shit as the device you're talking about. Do you really think people are going to fall for your sham? You're all bark and no bite like a sad little woofbeast!

Next time, at least try and be a little more convincing instead of embarrassing yourself all over the network.

I do have to thank you! You obviously let me laugh at your own expense.

[... A device that can control the weather. Are you serious. Crow can't help but raise an eyebrow questioningly, doubt painted all over his face.]

Man, you're more full of shit than usually. Is it some special occasion or what?

Ugh, seems like this world is full of noisy people after all. Why everyone has the need to act all supervillain in front of others? It's emabarassing and makes you look like a preschooler, I thought people do realize when they get too old for these make-believe games...

...Oh, I didn't know the Gear had cartoons on it.

[She'll just try to change the channel then, this one is lame.]

[Blake's attention is half on the hissing welding mask idiot and half on trying to wrestle a squirming Weedle away from crawling up into his face.]

What do you even want them for? You can't eat them, and they hatch into monsters that chew on your shoes. Believe me, if I could get rid of some of these things without consequences a lot worse than some global warming bullshit, I would.

Edited 2013-05-02 13:07 (UTC)

[...you know, this is normally the point at which he would start screaming about how justice will prevail or something, and he definitely doesn't believe that negotiating with criminals is anything but a stupid idea, but he's kinda hit a snag in trying to follow the logic presented here, hang on.]

So either we meet your demands, or you're going to do something that will result in an outcome that no one wants, even you.

[...]

Especially you. Maybe especially you. Because you'd have to try to conquer what's left, which you've said you have no interest in.

Is that right?

...You don't stand for justice, do you?

(Well, at least she figured out that much. But yes, 'extremely annoyed' fits the bill 100%.)

They deserve just as much a say as anyone of us! I wasn't here for it, but didn't you guys just go through the worst snowstorm ever?

[...oh you. Ryner's not going to bother giving you video today, sorry.]

Even if I had any around, I wouldn't send them your way. That'd just be cruel to them.

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