cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa | 76

[Cobra's not in that weird office room he tends to use for broadcasts today. No, today he seems to be recording from what looks like a house. And the focus isn't on himself, but instead what appears to be an assorted pile of junk. There's a backpack that has definitely seen better days, a sleeping bag, and oddly enough, six jars of Combee honey.]

If this was meant to be a gift or sssssome sort of appeasement, then I suggest that next time you try offering ssssomething I would actually want! Not thisss...thisss garbage!

But this is hardly the reason for me addressing you today, no, I have ssssomething far more important to discuss!

[And now the camera's back to him.]

No, I would like to discuss....Pokemon eggs! Or more sssspecifically the sale of them! Do you people ever think about who you're selling them to? Or what they're going to be used for? After all, these things are basically weapons, and you have no restrictions on them, no checks to ensue that the buyer is ssssomeone who can be trusted with such a thing, or even that they are who they ssssay they are!

Case in point, I've purchased a number of eggs from the lot of you, ssssome under fake identities, and some without any ssssort of false pretense whatsoever, and allow me to show you what your oh ssso generous unregulated Pokemon egg industry has given me!

[There's a Pokeball being held up to the camera now.]

Inside this ball is ssssomething that would be very difficult to obtain on my own. A rather destructive Pokemon, with a moveset the likes of which would take ages to acquire through regular channels! And while I was tempted to show it off at the time of purchase, I chose instead to wait, and reveal it in all of its fully evolved destructive glory!

[There's some fumbling with the camera as Cobra brings the Pokemon out and once the camera focuses, that's definitely a Tyranitar in Cobra's house. A Tyranitar that's roaring. And throwing his arms around. And those arms just took out part of Cobra's wall.]

No you idiot! Ssssstop doing that! Sssstop it! You'll bring the whole place down!

[And the feed cuts there while Cobra tries to keep Tyranitar from wrecking what's left of his house.]

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[It's a while before Cobra responds. The Tyranitar's gone, but that wall is...uh, look if anyone has the number of a good contractor, preferably one that won't ask about the giant dinosaur shaped hole, he'd happily accept it.]

I doubt it! These people are idiots! They'll have learned nothing from thissss! Nothing at all!

[Of course he's not seeing a problem with calling someone else an idiot after how that broadcast ended.]

And it wasn't meant to be inelegant! That was a complete disaster and I had no way of anticipating that it would happen!

[As far as he's concerned, he sees no reason to bring up that dinosaurs ruining his base has happened before.]

[...good move on that last part, there, Cobra. Good move.]

Well, hopefully you've learned something from it, at least - why in the world would you unleash a weapon like that indoors?

I've learned that homes in Kanto are apparently shoddily made, and will require even more modification to get it up to my personal ssstandards!

[Because if it can't take a Tyranitar hit, it definitely can't take something like a missile.]

And why wouldn't I show it off indoors? I wanted to disssplay it, not cause a rampage! And I certainly didn't want to attract police attention! Not yet anyway!

[He did put some thought into this, just not a lot.]

[...wh

you

but

you

..........................no. :| ]

I don't even know where to start. I honestly don't - why would showing off one of your little pets even attract police attention, let's start there.

Why would it. Because unless that thing is illegal...

Oh no, it's hardly illegal, no Pokemon is, but my past attempts to...disssplay my Pokemon in public have incurred the wrath of the authorities and any idiot that frowns upon things like property damage and assault.

[The last display also ended with him in jail.

As annoyed as he is about that wall, he'll take a busted wall over jail.]

And any attempts to display your little pets in public would just end in you destroying property?

[AND PEOPLE SAY HE'S NOT SUBTLE.]

Of course they would! Why else would I bother letting them out in public? I have no interest in being a pathetic Pokemon Trainer or ugh, like some people, showing off how cool or cute they are!

[It is practically calling him physical pain to say that last part.]

My interest in using them lies solely in using them accomplish my goals, which sometimes include destroying public property!

[Oh, good god. Okay, how do you lock this thing, he knows you can lock this thing - ...there.]

You know, I'm tempted to ask you if you're actually a member of Team Rocket or you just happen to be a complete maniac who's doing them a favor merely by existing and making them look competent by comparison, but I'm not sure I want the answer.

[A little of column A, a little of column B.]

And what if I was a member of ssssaid organization?

Then let me know now, so that I can petition to keep you as far from the labs as possible.

It would never ssssucceed. I happen to be on extremely good terms with a number of our technicians! In fact, I'm on good terms with mossssst of the organization!

[He'll just let that sink in.]

Really.

And to think, I wanted to keep my faith in humanity today.

Of course I am! And why on earth would you want to keep that? People are idiots! Idiots!

Seeing as you're the biggest fool I've met here thus far, you would know, wouldn't you?

Then you must have not met many people ssssince I am hardly the stupidest person here!

[Totally unbiased opinion there.]

And if you think what happened today is any indication of my intelligence, then you couldn't be more wrong! That was a horrible fluke and nothing else! Do you hear me? Nothing else!

Oh, I've met a few, and a good amount of them were fools, too! Just not as much as you!

[#maturity]

Just keep out of the labs while I'm in them, do you hear me?!

No, I refuse! In fact, I'm going to make it a point that whenever I'm on base to be in the labs just to sssspite you!

[Equally mature here.]

And how often are you at this base?

[HOW LONG DOES HE HAVE TO PREPARE THE DEATHTRAPS.]

[Instead of answering, he's just going to cackle. He's not at the base very often, but he'll let someone else tell Alfred that.]

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