104 | Video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Today's going to be one of those rare days where Cobra Commander makes a video broadcast and isn't complaining about anything or threatening to blow up something or any of that. Because none of that is important right now. What is important though is the subject of today's address, which he'll get to soon enough.]

Five years. In a few days it will be five years ssssince I've arrived in this world. I'm ssssure some of you can't even begin to imagine being here for that long. And yesss, I know, some idiot just went on about this subject a while ago, but what I have to sssay is far more important.

[Because he apparently can't be nice about anything even if he's not threatening you all.]

Anyway, five years ago, I would have assumed that by now, thisss world would have fallen under my control. Within a year, two maybe. I certainly couldn't have envissioned that almost five years would pass before I'd conquered sssso much as a mere island. Which isn't to ssssay that I'd be disappointed with myssself, merely that five years ago I couldn't have even begun to anticipate the ridiculoussss going ons that have occurred over the last five years.

[Legendaries, Team Rocket stuff, Kanto just sort of...appearing, fourth walls, and all sorts of other crazy things.]

And I can only assume that the next five years will be full of ssssome sssort of equally unimaginable chaos.

[Like...he doesn't know. Maybe it'll rain Magikarps for a month or something. Or everyone will get warped into the Ice Path. ...or maybe there'll be a gun Pokemon since there's sword Pokemon now. Who knows? The point is that he can't even begin to guess what sort of crazy Pokemon shenanigans could happen.]

However, I can guarantee one thing. Yessss, one thing is absolutely certain! And that is that it will not take me another five years to finish conquering the globe! I guarantee that within the next five years, the entire Pokemon world will belong to me! To Cobra Commander!

[...and that's apparently how he commemorates being here that long. By reaffirming his intent to rule the world and by cackling like a lunatic until he ends the transmission.]

Comments

[VIDEO - LOCKED]

[sadisticwarfare]

[Five years. He can hardly believe it. In September, Archer will have been here for four years. Did he really arrive only a year after Cobra? Cobra's seemed to be a permanent fixture of this world. Archer turns the video on and as usual, he's smirking.]

Congratulations are in order, Commander. You've handed being stuck in this world wonderfully and I look forward to seeing what you'll do in the future.

[Archer's smirk falters a bit for a moment. Now that he's gotten the formalities out of the way, he wants to say something a little more personal. Of course that's incredibly difficult for him, so give him a moment.]

I'm... I'm very pleased that I've had the chance to work with you, Commander. You're...

[....................]

Well, you're a very valuable ally. I suppose I should send you some sort of anniversary gift, hmm?

[It's not quite what he wanted to say, but it'll have to do. Admitting that he considers you a friend is really difficult, okay.]

[VIDEO - LOCKED]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Wonderfully is uh...certainly a flattering way of putting it. Probably a way less than honest one too if Cobra were to actually care about these things. Since wonderfully sure wouldn't be the term to describe the guy who lost his first Pokemon battle on his first day, proceeded to run out of the Slowpoke Well into a hailstorm and promptly fall back into said well, and completely bungled his first Pokemon theft to a point where it just became this complete trainwreck he doesn't speak of.

...and that was just the first year.

But he'll accept the compliment nonetheless even if it is slightly awkward. Though less awkward than the Project L.U.C.Y. thing because that was uh...something.]

Likewise. Prior to thissss place, it's rare that I've had the chance to work with people like you.

[...which says more about his world than he probably intended.]

And I certainly wouldn't turn down any sssssort of surprise. What did you have in mind?

[sadisticwarfare]

[Well it... could be worse...? Okay no, it probably can't. Your life, Cobra...

And let's never mention Project L.U.C.Y. again.]

What a shame. I'm sure someone like me would have been a great asset to your organization.

[You got seven thousand men killed, Archer.]

Pokémon and TMs are overdone and I'm sure you have all the ones you need. I suppose I could have an Amestrian uniform tailored for you.

[IT'S A JOKE, DON'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[...to be fair that's probably seven thousand more people than a lot of soldiers in Cobra's world have killed.]

That's one way of putting it.

[After five years of Pokemon and Pokemon accessories, it does get a little stale. Then again the fact that he can usually find something new to use as a terrorist weapon typically makes him forget about that for a while.]

And while I appreciate the offer, I'm not ssssure I plan to adopt a new uniform any time soon.

[This isn't the toyline where every other year we get a new one, like Cobra Commander followed by Alchemy Adventure Cobra Commander followed by oh god I've made a horrible mistake Cobra Commander with mutating into a snake action.]

[sadisticwarfare]

[But Chimera Cobra Commander would be absolutely hilarious!!!]

I was being sarcastic, Commander. I'll find something for you.

[He's the least creative person ever, this is gonna suck.]

It's been awhile since we last talked; how have you been? I take it things have been going smoothly on your island?

Video

[fairy_tale_trainer]

I've only just arrived here and somehow I still doubt that you will be able to take over this entire place.

Video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Then you are a fool! Because regardlessss of how much you doubt it, it will happen!

Video

[fairy_tale_trainer]

Are you that much stronger than the trainers here that would oppose you combined?

Video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Of course not, you idiot!

[Wow, he owned up to that one quickly.]

But I'm ssssmarter than they are, and that's what matters!

[..that is entirely his opinion and has little, if any factual basis.]

[Video]

[tearsofademon]

[An Absol stares into the camera...

and just gives the hugest unimpressed yawn.

(Clearly Jehra has learned well from his papa.)]

[Video]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[It's okay, Cobra's equally unimpressed behind his mask.]

Who is thisss? Whoever it is should know better than to let their Pokemon play around with thissss device! Esssspecially when I am addressing the entire world!

[Video]

[tearsofademon]

[He gives something between a humph and a snort. His papa doesn't need to hear you rambling on again.

"Clef?" And now there's a Clefairy with a rose hairclip peeking over the Absol's back to see what he's up to.]

[Video]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

I don't want to talk to Pokemon! I want to talk to people! Either put one on the sssscreen or go away!

Video

[the_pilgrim]

What? You want to be the top guy around here too? Just how many of you guys are there?

Video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Honestly, there's a moment where mentally, Cobra's just like who? before remembering that yes, he has competition now.]

I don't care how many of them there are! I declared my intentions before that Blake idiot or anyone else like him was even here! Thisss world is mine! Mine! And no one else's!

Re: Video

[the_pilgrim]

[Wirt's about to say something about being realistic, but then he gets an idea. An awful, terrible idea!]

Y'know....you could always team up with the other guy....you'd probably have a much higher chance of success that way if you pooled your resources. Then, when you do get to the top, you can just double-cross him!

Video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

Team up with him? Team up with him?! Over my dead body!

[..wait.]

Or preferably his.

video

[bylight]

It's taken you five years to take over an island.

[She's trying not to laugh. At least she's smirking. Wow, you're ridiculous, Cobra. This just adds to her 'Okay, this guy is really pathetic' meter.]

I'll be surprised if you don't manage to lose that island in the next five years.

video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

No one asked for your opinion! And furthermore, it's wrong!

video

[bylight]

Don't care. And I doubt I am. If it took you that long to get it, you're gonna lose it a lot quicker.

[She has a feeling that someone will eventually get upset enough to take it from him.]

video

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

I will not! The only person around here who's going to lose ssssomething is you!

[...and there is the weirdest sense of deja vu like he's said that before. Then again, he probably has.]

[video; locked]

[explosivecombat]

My, it has been a while, hasn't it.

[Well, look who's actually deigning to show up on video for once, just for you.]

It's been a pleasure and an honor, Commander.

[video; locked]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

[Wait, Kimblee can exist via video?]

Likewise. But here's to many more years of our sssso far sssuccessssful partnership.

[There was really no reason to hiss that much, but he did it anyway.]

[explosivecombat]

[Apparently! And he's risking some sort of horrible disease for this, he's sure, so be flattered.]

It's been quite the experience so far; I assume there haven't been any further setbacks?

[At the very least we haven't needed Rebecca again.]

[cobraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa]

None that I'm aware of.

[In fact, things have been going so well, it's almost...suspicious. Where are the heroes showing up to throw him out instead of just flying over and doing recon.]

In fact, there's been ssssso few setbacks, I've begun to think about expanding my empire again.

[...the Cobra Archipelago has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Okay, even if it doesn't, it's not like he actually wants any opinions that aren't his.]