Cobra Commander

[When the feed starts, there's a clear view of a strange cup of some sort on Cobra's desk. He wanted to show it off sooner, but with the glitches and everything from a couple weeks ago, he figured it best to wait until things calmed down.]

No doubt many of you are wondering what thisssss is, and why I am bringing it your attention. Allow me to explain. As some of you may know, in 1867 the United Sssstates of America purchased Alaska from Russia. What you may not know is that a provision in the treaty involved the transfer of this item, the Seal of Alaska, from the Russian government to the American one. Unfortunately the ship carrying the seal sank, and it was thought lost forever.

However, my operatives were able to recover the seal, thus taking possession of Alaska...for a time. Unfortunately due to their incompetence and interference by varioussss government agencies, the seal ended up in the hands of the United Sssstates government. Until now.

You ssssee, while all of you received whatever ridiculous, useless knicknack from your homes a few weeks ago, I actually received sssssomething useful! The Seal of Alaska! Which according to the language of the treaty, means that I, Cobra Commander, am now the rightful owner of ssssaid state!

[And clearly having a gaudy jeweled goblet that signifies ownership of land that isn't even in this world is cause for him to cackle. So he's just going to laugh until the feed ends.]

After several months of research, I have revised my list of targets. However, before I get into that, I would first like to pose a question to our sssscience team. How long is thissss-

[The Commander lifts up the side of his hood. Anyone expecting to see his face is probably going to be disappointed since all that’s exposed is a small portion of his cheek. This happens to be covered in black and purple splotches. He lets the camera linger on it for a moment before pulling his mask back down.]

Going to last? My powers disappeared a while ago, and these are still here! When are they going to go away? I want an answer! And before I get to thisss list, those of you already handling our various enemies need to report in with your progress! Or I may be forced to consider reassigning your targets to other members! Now then, here is the new list!

[The Pokegear is grabbed and turned towards a piece of paper lying on Cobra’s desk. It reads as follows:
( The List ) ]

Study thisss list, gather information, and learn what we’re up against! Remember, knowing is half the battle! And the other half is crushing anyone who dares oppose us!

[The only background noise is the music in Diglett’s Cave. Cobra Commander’s missing out on all the fun looting and pillaging, so at the very least, he feels that it’s his duty to continue antagonizing the good people of Johto.]

Despite your constant refusals, I have finally received the HM for Fly. I know by now you’re all busy with the recent monster attack, but just keep thisss in mind: I can now be anywhere in Johto at any time! Meaning nowhere is safe from attack! Nowhere!

[Those expecting cackling may be disappointed since the feed cuts out right there. It resumes a little while later, but on the Rocket frequency.]

[Private Video for Rockets]
[There isn’t much to see on the video. The signal scrambler’s in the background, so is Trubbish, who much to the Commander’s dismay is goofing off with some Digletts. That’s really about it.]

As you can see, the device is working perfectly on thissss end. No problems yet.

[He’s still grumbling though. The location could be better. Somewhere that didn’t remind him of his first few months as a Grunt would be nice.]

And Gorthan, I really must congratulate you. Bringing the trash to life and having it menace the towns is most impressssive! Though I am curious, I saw sssome Trubbish through the Gear, and they’re coloring is different. Do you know why?

[Yes, he knows the Rockets are busy, but he doesn’t really care.]

Also, Archer, the creatures hatched. I definitely ssssee several uses for them in the future!

And lastly, as I said I received Fly, but apparently another Badge is required to actually use it. Do any of you know which one? I’d ask everyone, but we all know they’d probably lie, and I do not tolerate being lied to!

{OOC: Fly obtained via Saffron Gym. Badge is mod approved.}

One question, Johto.

[The scene is very different from the Commander’s last transmission. For starters, he’s inside the Goldenrod Pokémon center this time. More importantly, he isn’t lying in a soulless heap this time around.

He cleared his throat and proceeded to yell as loudly as possible, most likely annoying anyone else in the center around him.]

I know I’m not the only one this happened to. So, did anyone else have horrible dreams about dead things, and giant robots, giant skeleton monsters, and other nonssssense? For a week? What the heck was that all about?

[Actually that was three questions, but the Commander really didn’t care. He was just relieved to be awake and away from all that horrible stuff.]

[The video displays Cobra Commander standing in front of a blank wall, facing the camera.]

Attention citizens of the world! I have tried to remain patient and consolidate my power, but even my patience has limits! The more I see your broadcasts, the more it convinces me that some sort of greater authority is needed! And from what I can see, there’s nothing to stop me from proclaiming myself absolute ruler of Johto! So, I would like to formally announce that by the power vested in me by myself, I declare myself Emperor of Johto and all of you my subjects!

As your new emperor, I would like to ease any concerns you may have. I am a fair and benevolent ruler as long as you do exactly what I say without question! Disobedience will not be tolerated! I have a loyal team of Cobra operatives ready to deal with anyone who tries to usurp my authority!

[The camera turns to show off his completed Pokémon team. Pancake the Ditto, Arbok, Seviper, Machop, Zubat, and Snover. All look completely confused by their trainer’s ranting.]

Zartan, Coils, Hiss, Skull Buster, Aero-Viper, and Ice-Viper are more than capable of dealing with any of you! Especially without the existence of G.I. Joe! So swear your allegiance now! Swear it to Cobra! Cobraaaaaaaaaaaa!

[After the battle cry, he reaches over and turns the Gear off, ending the broadcast.]

{OOC: Obviously he has no real authority or anything like that.}

[He sounds more nervous than angry.]

Would someone pleas explain what is going on? One minute I'm minding my own business and then I'm in Goldenrod! Furthermore-

[Multiple cries of Ditto can be heard.]

What is this? Go away you horrible things! Go Zubat! Take care of them!

[Instead of a Zubat, there's another Ditto cry.]

My Pokemon! What happened to my Pokemon? No get away from me!

[The audio cuts out as Cobra Commander is swarmed by Dittos.]

{OOC: Went ahead and got this posted tonight because I'll probably be swamped tomorrow. Responses will probably be slow tomorrow, but I'll do my best to try and keep up.}

Does anyone know how to make an Ekans evolve? Or a Zubat? It seems like I'm the only one with unevolved Pokemon still.

( Locked to members of Team Rocket )

To any members of Cobra in this miserable place, this is your commander speaking. Report in. Where are you? What kind of creature have you been given?

[Pause]

And to the rest of you on this network, any information you possess on the creatures that inhabit this place is of great interest to me. Feel free to share anything useful you've learned.